Our Host:
Meowy Pouncer
Audience: “Meowy, Meowy, Meowy”
Houdini:
(Enter stage, take seat) “Thank you for having me
Meowy.
Audience:
(GASP)
Audience:
(HISSING!!!!) "MEEEEEEEEEOOWW"
Cleo: (Walks out on stage with tail up in air) “Shut up,
you don't know me and all
don’t know what I have been through!!!”
Audience:
MEOWY, MEOWY, MEOWY
Cleo: Now wait just a minute! I left you because that was what was
best for you! Look at you, You strut around that house like you’re a f***in' Queen!
As for me being a w****... Hey, when you look as good as I do…”
Audience: (Laughing)
Meowy: “Let’s Welcome,
CRITTER…”
Critter: (Struts onto stage, rubs against Houdini) “Hey Babe,”
(Looks out at Meowy and audience) “isn’t she the hottest little thing?!”
Meowy: “Okay, Critter, let’s hear your side of all of this.”
Critter: “Yeah, well you see
Meowy, it happened like this. I went
outside to do my thing. Gotta love peeing in the breeze, and burying your s**t
in some real dirt once in a while. Well, there I was, I had just freshly dug a
little hole, and was takin’ a squat, when she walked by (Pointing at Cleo). She
had her butt stuck way up in the air, makin’ those eyes at me, and talking like
a freak… You
know how they do it when their in "heat"… And she was all like “Come here big
boy,
I’ve got something to show you.” So of course, curiosity killed the cat
right, I followed her out to the back
of the horse pasture, and there it was... Fresh catnip!! Man, I was SO stoned! Next
thing I know, she’s all rubbing up against me, curling her tail around my neck.
How’s a virile young male to resist that kind of torture, especially when he’s
high??? She was just a hole man, just a HOLE!!!”
Audience: (Laughing)
Critter: “Any how, I didn’t realize until after she had the
kittens, that I had knocked the skank up. She came to me all like “You need to
be a father to your kids.. I need food for them, and milk... You need to spend time
with your kids!” Needless to say, I was stunned and it put quite a wedge between
me and my main squeeze here, Houdini.
Houdini: “She knew that he was my feline!
After I found out, I started drinking real bad. I couldn't believe this was
happening to me.
But after a while I was able to forgive Critter for what happened and knew who was to blame. But now I can’t have kittens with my man, cause of what that slut did to him. He came inside one day and the human was looking at him, and all of a sudden made a call to this lady, something about having to go to the "Vet" cause his sack was all ripped open and his testicle was all hanging out… Ewwwwwwww!!!! (Houdini shivers)"
Audience:
(GASP)
Critter: “
Audience:
EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!
Cleo:
“Damn
straight!! I didn’t get you stoned! He is the one who ate the stuff.. It isn’t
like I shoved it down his throat! And c’mon, you know you wanted me!!! It wasn't
like I slipped, tripped and fell on his d**k...
Audience: (Laughing)
Cleo:
It wasn’t like
that little prissy daughter of mine was giving it up to him. "
Meowy:
“But Cleo, this is your daughter, why would you do that her??”
Cleo:
She had two of them after her, Lucky and Critter, I just thought I‘d make it a
bit easier on her by taking one of them off of her paws…”
Audience:
(HISSING) "MEEEEEEEEEOOWW"
Houdini: “That is
B.S!! You knew
I didn’t like Lucky! He’s always so bossy. You were just plain jealous. You
thought that by sleeping with my man, you could have my life. Yeah, well, you
know, who’s the one eating cat food out of a bowl now MOM? Who’s the one who
gets macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, stuff like that thrown down to me by that
little human?? Huh? ME, that’s who. I get to sleep in a nice warm bed all
day, I’m the one who gets pet, and brushed. I’ve got the Love!
(Laughing)
Now tell us, where do you sleep? Out in the cold, HAHA!! How
bad is this, my two half
brothers, are soon to be my step sons!” That's right
MOM, Critter and I are getting married!!!"
Cleo:
“It won't
last, he will find someone else and do this again. He has slept with
everyone in the neighborhood while your in that house.”
Houdini:
(Runs towards Cleo but it stopped by security) “Who
is sleeping around with everyone and anything in the neighborhood??? Not him..
Hell woman, you should have your own zip code, even better, area code with
everyone you've been with."
Audience: (Laughing)
Cleo:
(Gets up
and starts showing her ass) “WHATEVER!!! I cannot help it that I am
wanted" ”
Audience:
“HISSING!!!!” "MEEEEEEEEEOOWW"
Critter: “Not
wanted, just easy. Can you say, SSSSSSLLLUUUTTTTTTT"
Audience: (Laughing)
Meowy:
“Houdini, can you forgive your mother??”
Houdini:
(Crying) “Meowy,
she abandon me and
left me for dead, so she is dead"
Cleo:
Biotch, I gave you
a better life that I could give you and this is thanks I get.. Thanks,
appreciate it."
Houdini:
(Crying) “Yeah thanks for not being there MOM. But you know it is all
good, her days are numbers.
Cleo:
"Is that a threat????"
Both:
"PROMISE!!!"
Houdini:
"The word is that
once those kittens are running around the yard, my humans are so going to take
you out. Nothing but a dirt nap for you bitch... Karma baby... What comes
around, goes around!!!!
Audience:
(laughing and screaming) Bang, bang, bang, you dead f***er
Cleo:
"Whatever. Tired of her crap. I'm so outta here" (Storms off stage)
Meowy: “Be
back after these messages”
Final Thought:
Meowy:
“Relationships come & go, but family is forever. You can change your friends
and relationships, but you cannot change your family. We all make mistakes and
hopefully you will find it in your heart to forgive and move on. We
are only felines."
"Thanks for joining us and until next time.”
Authors: We know what you are thinking, you have way to much time on your hands. We say "No, this is what happens when you live in the country for a long time and have small children with HUGE imaginations.. It rubs off on the parents."
We hope this brought you a smile and remember, their are people out there that are crazier than you.
Don't forget to sign our guestbook.
