Greatest

Rating: PG

Original Date of Completion: July 2006

Starring: Sidney Crosby/Erik Christensen, with mentions of Ryan Getzlaf, Dion Phaneuf and Ryan Whitney.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but I wish I did. Fiction, thus fake, every last word.

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Stiff legged, I trotted into the house. I love the sex with Jordan-and when he suggested going away for a weekend to do nothing but fuck, I jumped on it-but man he was rough. Rough enough to make the time with Getz and Dion look snuggly. So to say I was looking forward to going home to sweet, snuggly Erik was an understatement. His nickname may be Crush, but he’s the only guy I sleep with that doesn’t get off on fucking me through the mattress.

When we have sex, he’s always sweet about it, most times without meaning to be. He’s just not like a Getzlaf, or a Jordan, he’s firm without being rough, he’s achingly sexy and doesn’t even know it, he’s toe-curling, back scratchingly passionate with just a flick of the tongue, or a gentle caress with hands that always feel like velvet. I’ve had a lot of sex in my life, but it’s never been like it is with Erik with anyone else. Getz may be the best I’ve ever had on the sheer basis of brain melting sensations, but Erik makes me feel like Evan never has. He makes me feel special. Important. He makes me feel. . . loved. That may be the greatest feeling I’ve ever felt.

I care for Erik more than I’ve ever cared for a guy. I realize that more and more every time I’ve away from him. No one makes me smile like him, or laugh like he does, even when he’s teasing me. When I fall asleep in his arms, I feel content. I’ve never felt that way curled up against Evan, or even when Jordan falls asleep on my prostate. Erik is the only one I feel content with, he’s the only one that makes me feel . . . home. He’s the only one who makes me feel love. He really does, I really do . . . I love him. Just thinking that brings a dorky grin to my face, and makes my heart skip a beat. That really IS the greatest feeling I’ve ever felt.

But unfortunately, walking upstairs to our loft, it becomes a sharp, violent contrast to the greatest pain I’ve ever felt.

Out on the balcony, with just the light from the Pirates fireworks to show me, I see Erik hovering over a writhing body sprawled out on the chaise I bought him. At first glance, I can’t see a face-but a soft moan is an immediate tip off-then an immediate heartbreak. It’s almost not a surprise to see Ryan laying beneath him, clinging to Erik’s shoulders while Erik thrust into him in a steady-slow way that was as mesmerizing as it was painful. But despite that pain, I couldn’t look away. Not until I heard Erik’s voice in a deep whisper, hoarsely saying words I wanted so badly directed at me. . .

“I love you.”

Tears sprang to my eyes, and my shoulders slumped as I forced myself to turn away. The soreness I felt earlier seemed to disappear, and I rushed downstairs as fast as my feet would carry me. I was outside and to my car before the tears finally felt, and my heart began to ache in my chest.

In the beginning, I’d worried that one day Whit would come back for him, and I knew Erik would have went willingly as soon as that happened. But as the months went on, and Whit stayed away, that fear dissipated, and I stopped worrying I’d lose Erik. Somewhere in my heart, I started to believe what I felt for Erik would be enough to heal his heart, and to complete my own. Now I realized how foolish I was to ever think that.

My love wasn’t enough to heal anything; it was just a product of feelings, of things I saw, that weren’t really there. And like me, it just wasn’t good enough.

END