Rating: PG-13 just barely
Original Date of Completion: May 2002
Disclaimer: I don't own Julie Draper, she belongs to herself. I also don't own the city of Detroit, the Red Wings, or a decent vehicle. This is a work of fiction from my demented little mind. So yeah, don't sue me.
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Julie's POV
I've kidded myself for a long time. But that's all over now. It's finally happened. My marriage is over, at least in the romantic sense. I hate the way I'm thinking about this, but it's just the way I feel; Kirk has won.
But as much as I want to hate him, I can't. I know he didn't set out with the purpose of stealing my husband, it just kind of happened that way. I've known for a long time that he was in love with Kris. But Kris, poor dolt, he's totally clueless. Or at least he was, up until about 20 minutes ago. I knew immediately what had happened as Kirk rushed out the door, Kris hot on his heels. I don't know exactly how it happened, only that it did. Kris now knew Kirk loved him. It was only a matter of time now before Kris realized that he was in love with Kirk. And then, my marriage would be over. But I wouldn't get a divorce, unless Kris wanted one. If he needs me to play cover wife, I'll do it, as much as the thought pains me. I love them both that much.
I've barricaded myself in Keenan's room. And just now as I sit beside his crib, the tears begin to flow. I knew this was coming. Both of them made it obvious, even if not to themselves. There's a line between best friends, and being in love. They both crossed it. I've spent the better part of the past three years preparing for this day. And what troubles me about all of this, I can barely make myself sad over it. I'm too nice of a person; I'm almost happy for them. If that makes me insane, then so be it. I love both of them so much. I just want them to be happy. And while I may be losing a big chunk of happiness, I know Kris is much better off with Kirk than with me. I kinda figured he was gay when I met him anyway.
Of course, that didn't stop me from falling in love with him. I loved Kris more than anything in my life, with the exception of my kids. I tried not to. I tried to tell myself that one day he'd realize. That just barely worked. I was able to prepare myself for the day, but I wasn't able to stop loving him. I don’t think I'd ever be able to. Kris was the love of my life. But I'm a rational enough person to understand that I'm not his. And while that hurts more than labor pains, I don't have much choice. I can either be the bitter, fag hating ex-wife, or the loving, supportive cover-up ex wife. Choice B was the only way to go. I could never hate either of them. And I'd never want to put my kids through the hell of a bitter divorce.
That adds an interesting twist in this whole situation. I only hoped that Kris wouldn't deny to himself what he feels just for them. I don't think I'd let him. Of course, if he decides to deny it, getting him to admit it to be could be difficult. For an amateur, anyway. Kris couldn't lie to me if his life depended on it. His eyes betray him. I'd know instantly if he really loved Kirk, and was just denying it for my sake, and the kids' sake. And I'd bust him on it. It might not get me any Wife of the Year awards, but I'd do what I had to do to make him truly happy. And I know, even if he doesn't, that being with Kirk would make him that way. Besides, he can be just as wonderful a father while sleeping with Uncle Kirk instead of mommy. And if I had to let Kris go, and let a stepmo...stepdad in, I couldn't pick a better one that Kirk. Kennedy absolutely loved him. I swore she liked him better than Kris and I. She really does, if you ask her. It may be hard for her to understand at first, but with time, I know she'd love it. Keenan will grow up with it, which is good. I don't want to raise a homophobe, and what better way to assure that than having a gay parent. It certainly won't be an easy situation, but it's nothing that can't be dealt with.
As for me, I'll be fine. I'm a strong person. If I knew I was losing Kris from my life completely, I might have a more difficult time. But I know he'd always be there. And while I may miss the sex (Actually, no may about that, I will TOTALLY miss the sex), I'll deal just fine with him and Kirk together. Not much would change, in all actuality. Kris always paid more attention to Kirk when I was around anyway. And it's not like I'll be lonely and miserable the rest of my life, I'll find someone else. There aren't that many women in the world who can have two kids and still look this good. Yeah, everything will be fine, with time. It might take Kris awhile to adjust, but he'll make it. Kirk, I'm almost certain, will make sure everything is cool with me before going anywhere with Kris. That's just the type of guy he is. As for Kennedy, I don't know if it would be that smart to explain everything to her right now. She's in that stage where she blurts out everything to complete strangers. We don't need her saying out of the blue to someone "My daddy goes out with my Uncle Kirk now" or anything of that manner. We're not exactly nobody's in Detroit. Someone would figure it out. And God knows if someone in the NHL were actually to be out about being gay, career suicide. But you never know. It's not like all of the teams don't screw around together anyway.
I hear Kris walk in the house, and I take a deep breath. I wipe my eyes, and hope it's not obvious I've been crying. I have to be strong now. Not just for myself, but for Kris, and inevitably Kirk too. I reach down and tuck the blanket in around Keenan. I lean down and plant a soft kiss on his forehead. He murmurs lightly in his sleep, but doesn't awake. Out of habit, I start the mobile once again. As I stare down at this delicate creature, I can't help but smile.
"Everything will be fine," I whisper to him. "Maybe even better,"
I don't wait for a sign of acknowledgment. I simply step away from the crib and make my way to the door. As I step into the hallway, I see Kris downstairs in the living room. His head is buried in his hands, and I see his body tremble with each breath he takes. I know this conversation won't be easy, but it's nothing I can avoid. As I take the steps downstairs, I feel myself switching into comfort mode. 'This won't be easy.' I tell myself as I step into the living room. 'Just be strong.' I laugh lightly at myself as that thought crosses my mind. I'll always be strong. It's what I do.
TBC
© 2002 Triple X
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