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DC- The grueling campaign schedule will grind to a halt on November 7th, when the voters cast their ballots and choose a new leader for the new millennium. Political pundits are calling this neck and neck rally the "race between two average college students whose dad's were rich guys and one of them was president, while the other, a senator from the great state of Tennessee". Title pundits call this "poop". Which, in turn, had the critics of both pundits pondering what a predicament they had been placed in.
Many political insiders, however, point to the fact that both candidates seem to have "bad" qualities about them. City College of New York's political science professor and self proclaimed 'giant fucking Mets fan', William Franklin III has gone on the record to say that Democratic presidential hopeful Al Gore looks like "a robot and spews out fuckin' numbers and shit. I don't need that kind of crap clogging up all the sexiness and hardcore porn action of the Presidency." As for Republican candidate, Franklin has stated that, "Bush is happy when he finishes the junior jumble. The answer was 'trees'."
The people seem to feel the same way. "Jesus, one of these guys needs to get a tattoo or a pierced tongue, they'd get my vote," said unregistered nineteen year old slacker and proficient weed pundit Kurt Portman. As many people have speculated, the youth vote will play a huge part in this upcoming election. "It's time to vote for president again?" asked Portman friend/dealer Tek-9. "Didn't we do this shiz-nit six years ago?"
"The youth vote will be a big block that the candidate's will go after," stated Franklin, "Of course, so will all the fuckin' foreigners illegally voting in this election. For get about it." Franklin then ordered a hot dog from a Korean man, Kim Yo, and hailed a cab driven by an Arab man, Sammus.
"I don't know what to think," said undecided Washington DC resident Jerry Lewis, "they seem similar. I might have to break out a quarter to do my voting."
"We anticipate the quarter technique to be used by a good portion of Americans at the voting booths this year," said Senator Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.), "other possible techniques are the choosing the closest number, lines, laces or wide open spaces, smallest straw and various drinking games, of course."
How ever voters choose to elect the next president, the pollsters are betting that each candidate has a fifty-fifty chance. "My money's on Bush," stated VP hopeful Dick Cheney, "I don't know why, but I have a feeling that a lot of quarters are going to be coming up heads."
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