|
|
|
|
|
There once was a fellow named Justin Whose belches were very disgustin' He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin "If I kept it all in, I'd be bustin'!"
There once was a girl from the Sault Who dreamed she was eating her shoe She woke up one night In a terrible fright For she found that her dream had come true!
There once was a young man named Danny Who thought he would pinch a girl's fanny He put forth his paw But he got a broke jaw From the clout of the cane of her granny!
There once was a woman named Claire Who dreamed of owning a bear She thought she would ride But she ended inside For the beast thought she looked like a hare!
An exceedingly fat friend of mine, When asked at what hour he'd dine, Replied, "At eleven, At three, five, and seven, And eight and a quarter past nine.
There once was a woman named Jan Who desperately wanted a man She got one bewitched Then found out he was hitched And that's when the stuff hit the fan!
There once was a fly on the wall I wonder why didn't it fall Because its feet stuck Or was it just luck Or does gravity miss things so small?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A bather whose clothing was strewed, By winds that left her quite nude, Then a man came along, And unless we are wrong, You expected this line to be lewd.
A gourmet dining at Crewe Found a rather large mouse in his stew. Said the waiter, "Don't shout And wave it about, Or the rest will be wanting one, too."
A young schizophrenic named Struther, Who learned of the death of his Brother, Said, "I know that its bad, But I don't feel too sad. After all, I still have each other."
There was a young lady named Rose Who had a large wart on her nose. When she had it removed Her appearance improved, But her glasses slipped down to her toes.
An elderly man called Keith Mislaid his set of false teeth - They'd been laid on a chair, He'd forgot they were there, Sat down, and was bitten beneath.
A limerick fan from Australia Regarded his work as a failure: His verses were fine Until the fourth line
There once was a man named Nick Who needed to leave town real quick. He'd had an affair Of which his wife was aware And he feared she would cut off his head.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
There once was an old man of Esser, Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser, It was at last so small He knew nothing at all And now he's a college professor.
There was a young lady named Maud, Who was the most terribly fraud. She never was able to eat at the table but when in the larder, Oh gawd.
There was a young lass from Australia Who painted her butt like a Dahlia The shape it was fine And the color divine But the aroma--well, that was a faihlia
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. But his daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
But he followed the pair to Pawtucket, The man and the girl with the bucket; And he said to the man, He was welcome to Nan, But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.
A flea and a fly in a flue Were caught, so what could they do? Said the fly, "Let us flee." "Let us fly," said the flea. So they flew through a flaw in the flue
|
|
|
|
|
|