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Trouble's Place On The Net
1. Good guys always shoot better than the bad guys
2. Good guys are always out numbered
3. Good guys always win
4. Good guys always get the girl
5. Good guys are always good looking
6. Good guys are the only ones with a sense of humor
7. Good guys will only get shot in the arm or the leg
8. Nothing cures the blues like killing 30 or 40 bad guys
9. Good guys don't take drugs
10. Heroes wear clothes that dirt can't stick to
11. Ugly people are always bad guys
12. Bad guys will make elaborate inventions to kill the good guys, but they will never stick around to see if it works
13. The bad guy chickens out first
14. The police are smart
15. Police never wait for back-up
16. Undercover cops are too good to be spotted, especially when wearing dark sunglasses
17. All police killings are in self defense
18.Police chases must include a car going through a plate glass window
19. Car wheels screech on any corner, even on dirt
20. After being shot, there is always enough time to escape
21. The chances of getting into an accident increases proportionally as the car goes slower
22. The burglar alarm system connection box is on the outside wall
23. Private detective work is glamorous
24. Cars will explode in all accidents
25. Court cases are all solved with a surprise witness
26. Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways
27. Teenagers are always smarter than their parents
28. High school students look thirty years old
29. The suburbs are exciting
30. Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten
31. All Oriental people know karate
32. Indians make good fodder
33. All baseball games will be won with a home run in the bottom of the ninth with two outs and bases loaded
34. Everybody wins in Las Vegas
35. No one has time to watch television
36. No one ever has trouble finding parking spots when they are in a hurry
37. Housework is never needed
38. Street vendor carts are magnetically attracted to high speed car chases
39. Eveyone knows how to pick a lock with one tool
40. The last five minutes of any television show will explain the entire plot
41. The last five minutes will be stretched out for twenty minutes with commercials
42. In case of emergency, speak in cliches
43. Ninety five pound women in tight skirts can throw around three hundred pound muscle bound men
44. Helicopters are attracted to mountains
45. Fist fights don't result in scrapes or bruises
46. No one ever mumbles, stutters or says "Um..."
47. Women normally wake up in the morning with make-up on
48. There are no real ugly women, only real ugly men
49. If a woman is running away from someone, she has to be wearing high heel shoes so she can trip and fall
50. Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation
51. Crazed maniacs have super human strength
52. Haunted houses are never locked
53. Everyone has a dark secret
54. Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music
55. Rich people are unhappy
56. Thunderstorms spontaneously create murders
57. When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood from the corner of their mouth
58. Christmas Eve and Halloween night last for three or four days
59. Midnight happens more than once in a monster movie
60. To kill a vampire, you must set out five minutes before sunset
61. Nobody ever realizes until the end of a monster movie, that everyone that went into the dark cellar never came out
62. The group always splits up to look for the alien
63. Movies based on true stories are always made up
64. Computers never crash, and:
A) Teenagers can access any computer by using their home PC
B) Computers know everything
C) You must type frantically to keep a 3-D image moving on the screen
65. In the end, all resource limitations are overruled
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