The Cold War, where it was better to be dead than red, and the junior senator from Wisconsin, Joe McCarthy and his right-wing witch hunting red headhunters were an out of control gang of cruising Congressional skinheads on a Saturday night looking to bash a Bolshevik in the balls on American streets and from under our beds where Commies were coming out of the closet faster than patrons of a hot to Trotsky gay bar?
Times have changed, and the on-going Russian Revolution has been held over for another boffo season..Standing Room Only! Forget the traditional Ian Fleming power packing spies like Pussy Galore. Russia has it’s own glorious pussy spy that could bring Petrograd to it’s knees. She was power packed and built was built like a brick tank in Red Square and just as dangerous as a Kremlin military parade on May Day.
Her vagina was her weapon of choice, and wha a choice vagina it is. It could make a man give up state secrets in one orgasm as he was held helplessly, and happily a hymen captive in her vaginal Lubyanka. Move over Emma Peel….Anna Chapman has a KGB G-Spot and has now entered the pp culture auditorium!
Her 5’ 7” frame was a fully loaded James Bond gadget car equipped with automatic weapons included a 35-23-35 figure sporting a 35C olympic cup, brown eyes and brown hair. There were no longer communists under every bed. In fact, this red was IN bed and states secrets spilled like sexual secretions in a cheap by the hour motel.
Anna Vasil’yevna Kushchyencko, (Anna Chapman sounds less spy ministry sinister and much more Western) was born in 1982 and as far as I am concerned she was the ultimate vulva from Volgograd with ulterior motives who knew how to motivate and manipulate MANPOWER and reduce it to ashes. She managed to infiltrate top secret “foreign” agencies with her pelagic penchant for deep penetration of her orgasmic ocean where her legs parted like the Red Sea and behold! A damn pubic miracle along with her red hot burning bush!
Anna Chapman was working as a covert agent of what the FBI “red-tagged” as the Illegals Spy Ring, the brainchild of Vlad Putin’s secrecy cloaked regime. The ring of spies was a vast international network of “sleeper agents” controlled by handlers with the russian Foreign Intelligence Service, or SVR for short, designed to penetrate the protective chastity belt of Western secrets.
The “Illegals” took on the guise of American citizens sporting Western dress to blend in stylishly instead of the Petrograd drab that is all the rage in Russia in every redline breadline after breadline. They were now the people our Cold War parents warned us about. If you want to get all sci fi about it, think of the pod people in “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” and Kevin McCarthy at the films end screaming “THEY’RE HERE!!!
Anna Chapman has a proletarian pedigree that extends back into the geneological Soviet gene pool to her father, Vasily Kushchenko, who was working and spying from the Soviet Embassy in Kenya during the heat of the Cold War as a KGB agent. The die was cast, after her graduation from a university in Moscow she was recruited by Putin’s Secret Police and upon acceptance and training she was planted in London and held various retail jobs. It was social networking and extreme beauty that eventually blew the boudoir doors open of London’s pompous bourgeois. Socializing led Anna Vasil’yevna Kushchyencko into matrimony with Alex Chapman in 2001. They were married in Moscow and in addition to access to the power elite she also had dual Russian-British citizenship and along with it the bonus of a Brit passport that made travel easier with less scrutinization. Now Anna Chapman as she was now known was ready to get the party started, with America clearly in her proletarian pubic cross-hairs.
As 2006 rolled over on the odometer, Anna was now armed with a British passport and divorce papers from Alex Chapman. The passport was the key to unlocking the door of America’s secrets.
An interesting sidenote before we land at Kennedy International so buckle up and observe the “No Smoking” sign. In an interview, Alex talked in depth as to what can be best be described as Anna’s proclivity for dame dominance in the bedroom with her mate cuffed, gagged and bound while teasing and tempting her captive with an ample display of breasts adorned like a Christmas tree with nipple clamp ornaments hanging from her Merry Christmas Mammaries. She probably wore Gestapo boots to accessorize a pair of mistletoe thongs! Happy Holidays indeed!
Anna the Red, was now in the land of the red, white and blue of the USA. In fact, she was planted firmly by design in the garden of corporate intrigue in Sinatra’s city that never sleeps, New York. In fact she was listed on her Linkedin account as CEO of Property Finder LLC that conveniently dealt with international properties which after a rocky start took off into orbit that would make Sputnik proud. By 2009 she had 50 employees and was highly successful. Her company was a mere one block from the movers, shakers and stock brokers of the capitalist world. Anna had successfully Occupied Wall Street something the Occupy Movement never actually did!
The FBI was on to them for years as the Pod Squad developed contacts with business and policy makers to extract the essence of American intelligence on multiple levels. In keeping with the macabre film noir spy versus spy covert operations the FBI codenamed the overall investigation, “Operation Ghost Stories” that ended in June of 2010 when federal ghost busters caught 11 suspects including the sexy red zeppelin, Anna Chapman. She was a spy for all seasons, until her season ended that warm June day when she was arrested in NYC accused of not registering as a foreign agent.
It seems legally, if you are acting under deep cover covertly you have to overtly notify the government whose secrets you are evasively intending to invade. Go figure! She cooly and coyly plead “guilty” to all charges and departed when she was deported to Russia on July 8, 2010 as part of a prisoner swap. We got back some midlevel, middle aged hacks, while Russia got a PR goldmine. This time, Putin’s PR machine put the Chapman project into overdrive. Never mind Siberia and the gulags! Anna was now the maximum Maxim material girl and the world wanted more and more of this glamorous pin-up spy who could melt a Cold War Glacier in under 60 seconds flat!
Her arrest was a real Starbucks spy drama. Seems her cover was uncovered by an undercover FBI operative who gave her a “fake” passport to to hand over to another “illegal” in the spy ring. At first she accepted the assignment, and called her dear old KGB daddy who admonished her as being too confident and falling for an FBI confidence trick. Ah, the wisdom of aging Cold War fathers, but it was too late for latte and the busty one was busted in the dragnet.
Anna was now the equivalent of a baseball trading card and was, along with other fish who took the FBI bait were used in a spay swap. Seems, our guys we’re violating Mother Russia, surprise, surprise! She and others were flown to Moscow and usually in Russia when a spy deal is botched they seem to disappear but Anna shot into the media celebrity stratosphere. A sexy spynik Putin Sputnik. blazing a comet like trail across the media galaxy. She was the hottest “red” planet in orbit and news and entertainment outlets were on a feeding frenzy of what she was wearing, now setting fashion trends and appearing on the cover with a full spread (I won’t go there) in the Moscow version of Maxim Magazine. She was also doing fashion modeling on the runway and ended up with her own TV show! Bizarre? Wait! They also came out with Anna Chapman Action figures...it figures!
Stocking Stuffers...inflatable Anna? Valve Placement? I’d take the real Anna, but, if I can’t have her, then let’s go action figure Anna!