Yellowstoned!

By MikeMarino

If you're thinking of making it to Montana, or making it in Montana, there's only one way to go, and that's Yellowstoned!

Yellowstoning is a hell of a hydro-thermal high, it's all natural, and it's a geological Godzilla of big belching geysers. Yep, we're talking Yellowstone ...National Park established in 1872. Encompassing land in the Tr-State area of Montana, Wyoming and Idaho. Montana is not only on the hit parade of medical marijuana states, but is the northern gateway to Yellowstone park.

Never been to Montana? Montana is as large as a ten gallon hat, and as fast as the Bonneville Flats. Stretching from endless horizon to endless horizon, it's definitely "Lucy in the Sky" Big Sky Country. It's huge, and not only are the skies limitless, so are highway speeds, for all intents and purposes, you're Mr. and Mrs. Fast and Furious. Driving in Montana is literally a rush with a no holds barred asphalt attitude. But it's the mountains, waterfalls and fresh air that are the real attractions, and Yellowstoned is the only way to enjoy the plethora of geological pleasures in the park.

Yellowstone is inhabited by diversity of wildlife, including grizzly bears, wolves, bison, mountain lions and elk (Oh my!) Caution is urged. These are wild "animals" and you don't want to get busted by a bison getting to close to your vehicle (they have been known to charge the family van!) Grizzlies are not familiar with Yogi and his picnic baskets, but will gladly see you as a bonafide grizzly bear gastronomical human happy meal if you're not careful.

Preserved within the park is Old Faithful, the geezer of geysers, along with an entourage composed of the world's most extraordinary geysers, bit and small, and hot springs, bubbling cauldrons called "paint pots" and large gash in the landscape that is the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. If you grew up in the Sixties, do not confuse this place with Jellystone Park, Yogi Bear and his sidekick Boo Boo. (Yogi now practices hatha yogi yoga and is semi-retired. Boo Boo got busted at the Mexican border with two joints on his possession.)

The human history of the Yellowstone region goes back more than 11,000 years. Groups of Native Americans used the area as their homes, hunting grounds, while utilizing trails and the Yellowstone River as transportation routes. Today you can trip along in the park in a that tie-dyed V-Dub wonderbus that's been up on blocks in the garage for decades. The Grand Loop is a 142-mile circuit that passes by most of the exciting geological attractions in the park including geyser basins, waterfalls, petrified trees, bubbling paint pots, Old Faithful, Lower Falls, Upper Falls and Yellowstone Lake. Along the way there are scenic pullouts that feature short hikes for wildlife viewing and some of the minor, yet magnificent attractions you may miss as you drive by in a car.

That brings us to Old Faithful in the Upper Geyser Basin This is the undisputed Sinatra of the geyser world. It erupts anywhere from 18 - 21 times a day and while most visitors come here, take a photo of it blowing it's gasket, then head out and tell their friends back in suburbia, "Man, did we see Yellowstone!" Wrong! You have to spend a couple of days in the geyser basin to fully appreciate all it has to offer. Or what I call, "getting Yellowstoned" by getting up close and personal with the park, and enjoying it's natural spiritual power and wonders.

Don't want to use the communal van or the family SUV to tour the park? Well hell then, you can always hop on your Dennis Hopper Harley and easy ride it on your Hog. For the eco-inclined, good old fashioned bicycle pedal power is the best way to go. Most roads are suitable for the rugged mountain bike crowd and a suburban Schwinn won't win.Another interesting aspect of the biking experience in Yellowstone, is that camping for bicyclists is limited to the developed campgrounds, and are available first come first served so you can reserve a spot before you come to the park. Bicyclists can stay at the hiker/biker sites for as little as five bucks a night. Other sites, vehicular can run from $12 to $35 a night.

For back country hike and camp, Back country Use Permits are required for overnight stays. Campfires are permitted only in established fire pits, while wood fires are not allowed in some back country campsites. A food storage pole is provided at most designated campsites so that food can be secured from bears.

If pushing pedals or two legged hiking aren't your bag of weed, you can four leg let it by taking a pack trip by llama! For the mountain man or mountain woman in you, giddy-up and saddle up for horserides of one and two hours in length. Wagon rides are another option, and at the end of the dusty day of city slicker wrangling, there's a cookout with a thick steak dinner that has your name branded on it at the end of the trail.

In nearby Gardiner, in Montana, four miles from the entrance in Wyoming, you'll find old west ambiance with a "no quiche" allowed dude attitude. Yeah, there are steakhouses, and fancy wine joints, but there is lighter fare as well. Most with a rustic knotty pine mountain decor. Art galleries reproduce here like jack rabbits on the wide open spaces, and you can get your outdoor fix with everything from white water rafting, horseback riding, fly fishing, guided wildlife tours, rustic camping, cabin camping, hiking and biking with majestic scenery surrounding you.

For information on Yellowstoning it visit their website at or visit the Gardiner, Montana Chamber of Commerce at http://gardinerchamber.com/. It also has links to Yellowstone for one stop digital trip planning. Whether it's geysers that get you, or white water rafting that floats your boat, make it to Montana, and get Yellowstoned!