> why am i so unsettled? WHY? WHAT AM I NOT DOING
> RIGHT?
> THEY SAY GO TO COLLEGE, I GO TO COLLEGE. THEY
> SAY CLEAN
> THE HOUSE, I CLEAN THE HOUSE. THEY SAY GET A
> JOB, I GET A
> JOB. WHAT THE FUCK ON GODS GREEN EARTH AM I
> DOING THAT IS
> SO HORRIBLE THAT I SOULD FEEL SUCH DESPAIR????
> i try so hard. i dont know. they say i am not
> weird, that i
> am normal. i dont feel normal though, nor do i
> want to. i
> just want to feel like i belong. not to some
> social group,
> but like i belong on earth. i dont want what
> most people
> want. i dont want to get some stable job and
> marry some
> wonderful man and get a nice car and a big
> house and then
> have kids where i will raise them responsibly
> and die
> peacefully in my sleep at age 87, content with
> the life i
> have lived. And why not? what the hell is wrong
> with that???
> i just feel like i have something inside me that
> needs to be
> seen. like i have something no one else has.
> but doesnt
> everyone have that feeling? i dont know. maybe
> i am wrong.
> maybe i am just your typical 18 year old, and
> there is
> nothing so special about me that i deserve any
> recognition
> in the world.
> i dont know
> i dont know
> i dont know
> i dont know and i dont know if i want to
> know.
> i just dont understand. how can they do it? walking
> around worrying about the rent
> and what the kids are getting for dinner? not
> wondering
> what could have been? what they could have
> been? i just
> know that i cant wait too much longer. this
> feeling has
> been inside me for years and years now. i have
> waited
> patiently, and i feel as if i am about to
> explode. i dont
> know what i am going to do if IT doesnt happen
> soon.
> whatever the hell IT is. i dont know. i just
> know i cant
> go on living the life of a "normal" person. I
> CANT FUCKING
> DO IT. i feel like i am dying, and it is a
> slow, agonizing
> death. no one deserves to die that way. it
> should be
> quick, with a sudden spasm of the heart or a merciful shot to the head.
> oh, i am not depressed. all signs point towards
> "NORMAL",
> remember? i smile and laugh at jokes that arent
> funny, i
> pick flowers and daydream of things that will
> probably
> never happen. i am just your typical suicidal
> youth going
> through a typical little crisis and i will
> eventually see
> that i am normal and everything will be okay.
> FUCK THAT!!!
> FUCK THE SHROUD THAT SOCIETY HAS PULLED OVER
> OUR WANDERING
> EYES! FUCK SOCIAL STRUCTURE, AND SOCIAL
> ACCEPTANCE! FUCK
> SNOBBY CHEERLEADERS AND FOOTBALL STARS AND THEIR
> EXCLUSIVE
> CIRCLES! FUCK BUSINESSMEN AND WOMEN IN THEIR
> IRONED SUITS
> AND FANCY CARS! FUCK CONTENTED HOUSEWIVES
> TENDING TO
> CHUBBY, GRINNING CHILDREN! FUCK UNFAITHFUL
> HUSBANDS AND
> WIVES MEETING WITH SECRET LOVERS IN THEIR OWN
> LITTLE
> MELLOWDRAMA'S! FUCK DIRTY-MINDED HYPOCRITES
> FLOCKING TO
> SUNDAY SERVICES! FUCK BUSY FREEWAYS! FUCK
> POLLUTED CITIES!
> FUCK THE NARROW-MINDED WAYS OF SMALL TOWNS!
> FUCK MONEY!
> FUCK THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
