today at work, about seven or eight i suddenly became very not happy. and i was going through one of the cabinet thingies at work and i found this metal thing and a razor blade popped out and i wanted to cut myself very badly indeed. and that was with lots of people around. man, if i had been alone...
i would have laughed a wicked laugh and put it back i suppose.
i am happy now though, i think. or not. maybe i shouldnt think about it. i cant help it! how can i not think about things? that is my biggest complaint about other people! they dont think! i just dont know. i cant control my mind. i dont know how to. it is hard enough to make it do one thing at a time without leaving the country or the planet or this plane.
oh, and speaking of
i was at work and this guy walked by and i almost died ten times over when i saw the look in his brooding eyes! he was dressed in black and he had messy yet not messy black hair and i wanted to grab him and hold him close to me so that i could feel all the hidden warmth and all the pain inside him for my self. he was so sad that he was beautiful. he just had this tragic look about him that made me ache.
wow.
i am pathetic.
