Toms & Queens - Finale
On a street off Broadway, Munkustrap walks by Hyper he turns to her quickly.
"Hyper!"
"Oh what a coincidence!"
"Hyper, did Pounce explain to you about tonight? I hope you ain’t sore about it?" He moved as if to embrace her, she pulled away.
"Please, let us not have a vulgar scene. After all we are civilized people, we do not have to conduct ourselves, like a slob."
"Sweetheart! Baby! How can you carry on like this over one lousy elopement! Hyper, please!"
"It’s no use Munkustrap, I have succeeded in your not being able to upset me no more. I have got you completely out of my…. ACHOO! OH MUNKUSTRAP!" Hyper leapt into his arms weeping.
"Hyper, baby! Don’t ever do that to me again! I can’t stand it. We’ll get married. We’ll have a home, a little white house with a green fence - just like the Whitney colors." Munkustrap set Hyper on her paws again.
"Look, Munkustrap darling, we can still make everything all right. Look- it’s not even midnight yet. Five minutes to twelve - let’s elope right now."
"Okay Hyper." Munkustrap kissed her cheek, and saw Pounce and Alonzo. "N-no, I can’t."
"Why not?"
"Come on, Munkustrap- we’ll be late."
"Come on!"
"Munkustrap, why can’t we elope now?" Hyper said in measured tones.
"I-I, because - well I got to go to a prayer meeting."
This one really hits her, she is completely taken aback.
"MUNKUSTRAP! This is the biggest lie you ever told me!" She stormed away.
"But I promise you it’s true! HYPER!"
Now, in the mission, the General was standing by the window. Cassandra sitting at the desk, fidgeting nervously. Bustopher Jones was talking with the Mission band.
"It is now several minutes past midnight. Isn’t anyone coming? Sergeant Cassandra, something is very wrong."
"General, I know what’s wrong. I’m wrong. I’ve failed. I’ve spoken to these people day after day, but my words haven’t reached them…. I think you had better.."
"Welcome brothers, welcome!" Cutting Cassandra short, Bustopher stood up, and turned to the sea of Gamblers.
As they all poured in Tugger walked to the front of the mission.
"Everybody here? Where is Munkustrap Detroit?"
"Present!" Munkustrap said, running. It and standing by a bench.
"Miss Cassandra, here you are. One dozen or more assorted sinners. Sorry we didn’t have time to clean ‘em up."
"Won’t you gentletoms sit down?" Bustopher said, standing.
"Sit down! All of you! And this is a mission, not Roseland, so I suggest that you do not indulge in any unpleasantness. Since I am required to depart for points West tonight - I am appointing Munkustrap Detroit major domo in my place, Munkustrap, anybody who does not conduct himself according to Hoyle, will answer to Tugger Masterson personally. And that means in person."
"What a remarkable young tom!" Electra said as Tugger left, Munkustrap stood up.
"So remember that you guys. Brother Jones, your dice."
"Gentletoms, we are honored tonight. The meeting will be conducted by the head of our organization, General Electra."
He sat down as Munkustrap started the applause.
"It is wonderful to see our mission graced by the presence of so many evil-looking sinners." Munkustrap starts to applaud, then realizes he might be wrong, and clears his throat. "Now, who would like to start the ball rolling by giving testimony?"
All the gamblers are silent, Munkustrap decides to spruce things up.
"Alonzo! Give testimony."
"I ain’t no stool pigeon."
"Come, brothers - I know it is difficult. But let one of you give testimony to the sin that is in his heart. Anyone."
"Growltiger!"
"Oooh no!"
"Growltiger the Horse!"
"Ah, well, like when Tugger was rolling us for our souls-"
"I beg your pardon?" Electra interrupted.
"Tugger Masterson. He rolled us a thousand dollars against our souls. That’s why we’re here."
"I don’t think I understand."
"I do General," Cassandra offered. "He means that they are only here because Mr. Masterson won them in a dice game."
"How wonderful! This whole meeting the result of gambling. It shows how good can come out of evil. Sergeant Cassandra you have done remarkable work."
"Thank you.." Cassandra said in a small voice.
"Anybody else care to give testimony?"
"AHAH!" Skimbleshanks yelled as he ran into the mission. Pointing at the Gamblers. Munkustrap got up, took off his hat, and placed it over his outstretched finger, sitting him down, and turning to face the crowd of Gamblers.
"We will now here testimony from - Brother Nicely-Nicely Pounce. - Brother Nicely- Nicely Pounce."
Pouce slowly rose.
"Well. It happened to me kind of funny. Like a dream. That’s it, a dream."
"Tell us, in your own words."
"I dreamed last night I got on a boat to heaven, and by some chance I had brought my dice along. And there I stood, and I hollered ‘someone fade me!’ But the passengers, they knew right from wrong. For the people all said sit down, sit down your rocking the boat. And they devil will drag you under by the sharp lapel of your checkered coat."
"Sit down your rockin’ the boat." The ensemble finished.
"And as I laughed at those passengers to heaven, -laughed- a great big wave came and washed me overboard! And as I sank, and I hollered ‘someone save me!’ That’s the moment I woke up, thank the lord."
"Thank the lord."
"And I said to myself sit down, sit down your rockin’ the boat."
"Said to himself sit down, sit down your rockin’ the boat."
"And the devil will drag you under with a soul so heavy you’d never float. Sit down, sit down, sit down. Sit down your rockin’ the boat. SIT DOWN! Your rockin’ the boat!"
The ensemble joined him for the last bit.
"Anything we can do for you, brother Skimbleshanks? Maybe you would care to testify?" Munkustrap said coolly.
"I’ll do my testifying in court, where I will testify that you ran a catnip game here in the mission last night. Miss Cassandra, you were standing there when they came out. You saw them. Aren’t these the fellows?"
"I… never… saw them before in my life."
"There’s a right broad!" Big McCavity said.
"Now if you would excuse me, officer, we would like to go on with our meeting." Bustopher replied sharply.
"Thank you, Miss Cassandra…. People, I also have a confession to make, and I got to get it off my chest. We did shoot catnip[ here last night and we’re all sorry. Ain’t we boys?"
"I’m really sorry!" Big McCavity said.
"But I did another terrible thing. I made a bet with a certain tom that he could not take a certain queen away with him on a strip, and this I should not have done, although it did not do any harm, as I won the bet."
"You won the bet?" Cassandra said, standing, surprised.
"Sure. The tom told me that he didn’t take the queen. Well, that makes me feel a lot better."
"Hallelujah!" General Electra shouted.
"Hallelujah!" Munkustrap said, motioning to the gamblers, who all shouted.
"Hallelujah," Cassandra said quietly.
"Gentletoms, we will now sing No.244. ‘Follow the Fold."
Hyper sighed, and turned her head, Cassandra was walking her way.
"Oh, hello."
"Good evening," Cassandra said uncertainly, walking towards Hyper.
"I’m Hyper, the well known fiancee."
"Oh, yes. When are you getting married?"
"The 12th of never." Hyper said brightfuly.
"Oh, I’m sorry. But try to be forgiving and understanding, and the pain will go away. In the Bible it tells us in Obediah…. Obediah…" She bursts into tears.
"You got a boy friend named Obediah huh?"
"Obediah was an ancient prophet."
"Don’t tell me. Nobody cries like that over an old guy…. Whoever it is, you got it bad. You know, when I saw you the other night with Tugger Masterson I-" Cassandra broke into a fresh outburst of tears. "oh no! Not Tugger! You’re not in love with Tugger! You poor thing!"
"I thought I hated him.."
"I thought I hated Munkustrap, I still think I hate him. That’s love."
"Hyper, can’t men like Tugger ever change?"
"For fourteen years I’ve tried to change Munkustrap. I’ve tried to think of how wonderful he would be, if he were different. But they can’t change."
"A little while ago, at our prayer meeting, there were a lot of gamblers who acted as maybe though they could change."
"Gamblers at your prayer meeting?! Was Munkustrap Detroit there?!"
"I’m sure I heard that name. I think so."
"How do you like that rat! Just when he should’ve been lying, he’s telling the truth! I’m glad I’m through with him! And you ought to be glad your through with Tugger too!"
"I am."
"What are we! Crazy or something? Why not!"
"Why not what?"
"Marry the man today. Trouble tho’ he may be. Much as he likes to play. Crazy and wild and free!"
"Marry the man today rather then sigh and sorrow,"
"Marry the man today and change his ways, tomorrow!"
"Carefully expose him to domestic life, and if he ever tries to stray from you. Have a pot roast!"
"Have a head ache."
"Have a baby,"
"Have two,"
"Six!"
"Nine!"
"Stop!"
Then, together. "Marry the man today, rather then sigh and sorrow, marry the man today and change his ways, and change his ways, and change his ways! TOMORROW!"
They both turned, and stormed away.
"Munkustrap darling! Come on, we’re waiting for you!" Hyper said, she had on a wedding veil, and was followed by five of her friends. Munkustrap walked up to her, dressed sheepishly in a top hat with a cane.
"Let’s go. Where’s the wedding?" Growltiger asked.
"Holy smoke!" Munkustrap said, putting a paw on his forehead.
"What’s the matter?"
"I didn’t get a place for the wedding!"
"Oh Munkustrap!"
"How about the Biltmore Garage?" Pounce offered, Munkustrap gave him a look.
The mission band walked by, Tugger Masterson playing the drum.
"Brothers and Sisters!" Tugger said loudly. "Life is one big catnip game, and the devil is using loaded dice!"
"Where’s the catnip game?" McCavity asked eagerly.
"Brother Masterson?"
"Yes brother Detroit?"
"Can we get married in your mission -Hyper and I?"
Tugger looked at Cassandra, Cassandra looked at Electra, Electra looked at Bustopher.
"Certainly, I married Brother Masterson and Sister Cassandra. Glad to do the same for you."
"Congratulations, Munkustrap! I lay you eight to five you’ll be very happy,"
"What Obediah means is," Cassandra started.
"Obediah?" Munkustrap said, snikering, Tugger put his hat over his face, ashamed. Cassandra removed the hat.
"He wishes you every happiness and so do I."
Hyper walked over, and smiled.
"Thank you very much…. I know we’re going to be happy. We’re going to have a little place in the country, and Munkustrap will be sitting there, beside me, every single night."
-The moral of the story is….
When you see a guy, reach for stars in the sky, you can bet that he’s doing it for some doll! When you spot a John waiting out in the rain, chances are he’s insane as only a John can be for a Jane. When you meet a Gent, paying’ all kinds of rent, for a flat that could flatten the Taj Mahal. Call it sad, call it funny, but it’s better than even money that the guys only doing it for some doll, some doll, some doll. The guys only doing it for some doll!