All men sleep peacefully.
The next morning…
The first man wakes up .
He takes the pink sheets off the pink bed. Opens the pink door and walks down the pink hallway past the three pink doors. He puts the pink sheets back into the pink closet, walks down the pink hallway past the pink doors and down the pink stairs. The pink lady was waiting for him with a pink bowl and some pink milk (comes from pink cows. Go to a farm if you don’t believe me) she asks the guy what kind of cereal he wants. She has Frosted Flakes and Corn Pops. He chooses Frosted Flakes. She hands him a box of Frosted Flakes and a pink spoon, and he sits down on a pink chair at a pink table and begins to eat. When he is done he gets up out of the pink chair, away from the pink table and leaves the pink kitchen, gets his shoes off the pink rug, thanks the pink lady and walks out the pink door and drives away (he car was fixed by magic gnomes overnight, don’t worry about it). The second guy wakes up in the pink basement, takes the pink sheets off the pink bed, walks up the flight of pink stairs and opens the pink door. He now goes up the next flight of pink stairs, past the three pink doors into the pink closet. He puts his pink sheets in the pink closet, closes the pink closet and walks down the pink hallway past the pink doors. He goes down the pink stairs to the pink kitchen where the pink lady is waiting for him with a pink bowl, a pink spoon, pink milk and two boxes of cereal. Frosted flakes or Corn Pops. He chooses Corn Pops, and he eats the Corn Pops out of the pink bowl with his pink milk and pink spoon. After he finishes he gets up and goes out of the pink kitchen and gets his shoes off the pink rug. He thanks the pink lady and drives away (magic gnomes, damnit). The third guy gets up, gets off the pink couch, takes the pink sheets and walks out of the pink room. Up the pink stairs past three pink doors into the pink closet. He puts his pink sheets in the pink closet, closes the pink doors and walks down the pink hallways past the three pink doors. Down the pink stairs in to the pink kitchen where the pink lady is waiting, she shows him the pink milk, pink spoon, pink bowl and the boxes of Frosted Flakes and Corn Pops. He chooses the Frosted Flakes. After eating the Frosted Flakes and pink mild in the pink bowl with the pink spoon he gets up thanks the pink lady and walks to the door where he puts on his shoes that were on the pink rug. He opens the pink door and walks away from the pink farmhouse. He gets in his car and drives away.
The moral of the story? Two out of three people will eat Frosted Flakes while stranded in a pink farmhouse with magical gnomes working on their car.
Come on! That’s funny!
Can be found on a thread at...http://www.badassmofo.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/001760.html . Not that you'd want to read it, of corse.
MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am KinG! you are a lowly nothing. Behold:
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.
This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second - 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element.
Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even grantingthat the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them --- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
