Joke Page!

Hey there! Here's some jokes that I found funny... I hope you enjoy them! (If you want to add a joke of your own then just email me them and I'll post them on here when I get a chance.

Waiting for an Equine Bundle of Joy...

Wating for a equine bundle of joy? Here's a good "joke" of a horse person's foal nightwatch...
10:00-Gather Sleeping Bag, alarm clock, and three old horse magazines; head for the barn
10:01 Return to house for bag of chips and 32 ounce diet pepsi
10:10 Back to barn. Flashlight goes out half way there. Figure you can make it from memory. Pat faithful ranch dog's head as he slobbers along side you.
10:11 Suddenly you remember you have no ranch dog.
10:11 Run screaming back to the house. Change flashlight batteries. Return to barn.
10:15 Establish Foal watch quarters
10:16 Enter broodmare stall for 5,687th time
10:16 Broodmare flattens her ears for 5,687th time
10:19 Return to headquarters and squirm in sleeping bag.
11:18 Finally fall asleep.
11:19 Alarm goes off.
11:20 Peek through peephole. Broodmare flattens her ears.
11:21 Reset alarm clock and flick off light.
11:23 Flick on light. Realize 32-ounce Diet Pepsi was a mistake.
11:24 Run to house.
11:29 Return to barn
11:30 One last check of broodmare though peephole. Ears pinned.
11:41 Check peephole, mare is lying down.
11:42 Enter broodmare stall carring ye Olde Foaling manual, 3Ib. of rags, and iodine
11:42 Mare breaks wind and gets up, ears pinned.
11:43 Return to sleeping bag and flick off light.
12:29 Fall asleep.
12:31 Alarm goes off.
12:32 Peek through peephole. Broodmare fine. Can't see ears. Assumed pinned.
12:33 Back to sleeping bag
12:39 Leg cramp
12:40 role over
12:40 Leg cramp gone
1:10 Fall asleep
1:39 Alarm goes off. Sleep through it.
6:30 Wake up. Glance at clock. Attemp to leap from bed. Crawl to peephole. see two sets of pinned ears!
-From Horse and Rider Magazine

Top Excuses

For looking stiff in the saddle:It's not my fault. My pants are too tight."
For not Following Instructions:"A little voice inside of my head keeps distracting me."
For not circling a barrel:There's a mouse in there. My pony is afraid of mice."
For going over a jump the instructer was sitting on:"I didn't see you there. The sun was in my eyes."
For getting boxed in during rail class:"My horse won't go infront of the other horses because he's embarrassed because he thinks his butt is too big."
For going over a jump with eyes closed:"I was Meditating!"
For not keeping toes in:"It's a conframation fault-my legs arn't mafe that way."
For not keeping shoulders straight:"My shoulders go forward besause they're lonely and are trying to keep each other company."
For not releasing the saddle horn:"How else am I suppost to hang on?!"
-From Horse and Rider magazine

I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The other day, I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse starts bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Walmart manager came and unplugged it. Thank goodness for heros.
From Equine Universe(copied with permission)

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?" he yelled with surprising force. No one answered. "ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender left the bar and asked meekly, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

A man just bought two horses. However, he could not tell them apart. So, after a day's worth of confusion, he went to his neighbor for help. "I can't tell my horses apart," he said, "can you help me?" The neighbor thought for a moment, and then said "Well, why don't you dock one of the horse's tails? Then you can tell them apart." So the man agreed it was a good idea and did just that when he got home. The next day, when he was plowing the field, the horse without a docked tail got his tail caught and it ripped so it looked exactly like the other's tail. The man went back to his neighbor and explained what happened. The neighbor thought, and finally said "Why don't you cut a slit in one of the horse's ears? Then you can tell them apart." So the man went home and did that. The next day, when he was driving his horses down the road, the horse without a slit got his ear got in barbed wire and it tore, just like the others. The poor man was getting fed up, so he went to see his neighbor again. His neighbor thought for a long time, and replied "Why don't you measure them?" The man immediately did that upon returning home, and was very glad to find that the black horse was two inches taller then the white one.

"Out West," the cowboy told the dude, " I used to chase cattle on horse back." "Incredible." Said the dude. "I never knew cattle rode horses!" -From 1001 Great Pet Jokes(book)

"Does this horse have good manners?" Asked a woman to her riding instructor one day. "Of course! Why, whenever he comes torwards a fence, he always lets the rider go first!" -From 1001 Great Pet Jokes(book)

Theses are some non-equine jokes, but their cute.

The teacher said "Bobby, spell mouse." "M-O-U-S." "yes... But what's the end of it?" "T-A-I-L." -From 1001 Great pet Jokes(book)

Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now!

Follow this simple procedure:
1.Hold down the shift key.
2.Hit the 4 key four times fast.
-From Equine Universe(copied with permission)

Do you have any good, and funny jokes you would like to be posted? Email me the jokes, and I'll post them up!

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