Other Everclear plays:
Before we begin, let me explain what "MCOH" means.. it means, 'Missing Chunk Of Hair'.. now, none of us are saying Art is going bald.. because he's not. The man has a beautiful, full head of hair. Just the way he parts it sometimes makes it look like he has a "MCOH". With me so far? Let's begin:
Title: MCOS: Missing Chunk Of Sanity
Writer: Chris (You'll soon find out how funny this girl is.)
MCOS: Missing Chunk Of Sanity
Mel, Nancy, Katie, Dom, Marybeth, Gregg, Kristen, and Chris (even though she thinks arts baldness is funny) all sit around a huge table eating fried chicken and potatoes at Dom's house where they plan to re-locate Art's MCOH. . .
Mel: uhhh so we go into his house, with a piece of hair that we have made, then we get a big lever to hoist Katie over his bed Marybeth, you are incharge of finding us the glue.
Gregg: Jigga!!
Dom: how are we getting a lever? we haven't even gotten the MCOH prepared yet. .
Nancy: we can raise money. . .but what are we going to sell?
Marybeth: ourselves?
::Marybeth pimps herself::::
Gregg: Jigga!!
Kristen: we could have a car wash or somthing?
::::Mel stabs into a piece of chicken that she over filled with ranch, it squirts katie square in the eye::::
Katie: OWWWW IM GOING TO GO BLIND!
Chris: whoaaaaa dude that squirted like 6 ft. accross the table. . .
Mel: IM SOOOO SORRY!!! ACK KARTIE ARE YOU OK?
Dom: there is a hospital 3 miles east on Lennon Ave.. . maybe you guys should take her there. .
Mel: ill take her after all its my fault. .
Katie: WELL HURRY IT UP!
::Mel and Katie exit for the hospital:::
Nancy:i hope she is ok, but we still need a MCOH to replace the spot on art's head. .
:::Dom's dog walks by who just happens to have a nice yellow coat::::
Kristen: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA }:)
Marybeth: I'll get the razor!
Gregg: JIGGA HUH?
Dom: OH MY LORD NOT PINKY!!
Chris: hahahahahahaha pinky? what a name! heeeeerreeee pinky, pinky, pinky. .
Nancy: umm is this even sanitary? im not putting dog hair on Art im sorry but nooooo wayyyy. . .
SCENE 2: The Hospital
::Katie and Mel have gotten to the hospital and they are waiting patiently in the waiting room:::
Mel: im so sorry, Katie i feel horrid
Katie: really its ok, ill be fine...
:::The enterance to the ER doors smash open Mel and Katie naturally look over, they see a body covered in a sheet the person underneath is screaming in pain all they can see is 1 mutton chop sticking out from the side::::
Katie: IT CANT BE?!?!?!
Mel: I THINK IT IS!!!!
Katie: WE GOTTA GO FIND OUT!!!
Mel: but. . your eye. . .
Katie: I DONT CARE ABOUT MY EYE C'MON! ITS DAVEY!!
:::The 2 girls run behind the bed/cart that Davey is on untill he gets into an operating room they decide to just stand outside the doors for fear of being caught they listen to the conversation inside:::
Doctor: im afraid this is worse than we predicted. . Scalpel please?
Nurse: Doctor what is you diagnosis?
Doctor: im afraid this man has. . . . Boogy Fever
:::Mel and Katie gasp::::
Katie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SCENE 3: Back at the ranch. .
The rest of the group is still at Dom's house Pinky has almost been completely shaved. .
Nancy: guys this is sick, really, i dont think its right. . .
:::pinky jumps up and steals Nancy's piece of chicken:::
Nancy: OK THATS IT SCREW THE DOG, gimme that razor Marybeth. . .
Marybeth: yeah take it, i have to go find the glue
Kristen: ummm can i help?
Dom: yeah help me clean this up before my parents get home. . .
Chris: won't your parents be more concerned over their freshly shaven dog?
Gregg: Jigga DUH!
Scene 4: Muttonchops man lives!
:::doctor walks out of the room, so does the nurse davey is left all alone our 2 super heros err i mean ec peeps go in to talk to him:::
Davey: must. . . go. . . to . . .rooster. . . shack. .
Kaite: What Davey??
Davey: must. . see. . art . . .and. . .boys
Mel: Wait!! Davey what did you say?
Davey: why . . .does. . it. . .smell . .like. . .ranch. . in . . here. .
Mel: What?
Katie: my eye. .
Mel: oh yeah. . .
Doctor: WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING IN HERE!?!?!?!
Mel: umm gotta run!!!
:::The 2 girls dash out of the place like they were on fire, while running katie grabs an eye patch for herself it relieves most of the ranch caused pain:::
Scene 5: A Re-formatted Plan
::Back at Dom's house mel and katie arrive with the news:::
Katie: Do you know where the rooster shack is?
Dom: yeah its a scummy hang out resturaunt/bar type place
Kristen: ::noticing the eye patch:::: haha hey katie where is your parrot?
Nancy: We made a COH for art. .
Mel: ok lets see it. .
:::Marybeth holds out pinkys fur that is mixed with a glue it sticks to her hand. Mel and Katie cringe in fear::::
Katie: may i ask. . What is that made of?
Chris: coughcoughcoughdoghaircoughcoughcough
Gregg: Jigga Sickos
Mel: uhhh could you repeat that Chris, I must have a hearing problem. . .
Chris: its. . . its. . . uhh. . umm . . Did you know papa smurf was a communist?
Kristen: Its dog hair melly ::grins with pride:: we are so smart :*)
Mel: WHAT?
Katie: YOU HAD NO MORAL OBJECTIONS TO THIS?
Nancy: Well i did. . . until the dog messed with my chicken, then he had to pay.
Mel: well me and katie got to chill with Davey at the hospital and he said we could find art, craig and greg at The Rooster Shack i bet we'd have a better chance of putting the MCOH back where it belongs if we just went and met them there. .
Katie: i wouldnt consider it to be "chillin with Davey" the man was half into a comma.
Gregg: Jigga WHAT?
Marybeth: yeah then we wont have to deal with those pesky breaking and entering charges we would have had filed against us if we went to his house. .
Dom: yeah guys i think this is the way to go about it, lets go, i'll take you there. .
Scene 6: And the plot. . slows for a second ha
:::The Group has made it to The Rooster Shack, they enter and see the boys near the back, they sit up near the front to talk about their plan of attack:::
Dom: We can't just run up and plop it on him. .
Kristen: We should atleast introduce ourselves, i wouldnt say that we were here to restore his scalp or anything. . .
Nancy: Dude when the time is right we will slowly lower it down on his head, it isnt that complicated. .
Mel: Let me be the one ppleeaaaaaseeeeeee let me be the one who gets to do it. . .
Chris: But Craig and Greg will have to be distracted while you do it, or they'll be like "Hey now lil lady that aint to nice what ya did right there"
Marybeth: I WANNA DISTRACT CRAIGGGGGG
Nancy: NO!!! ME!
:::Both girls growl at eachother and the tension in the room gets thick. We have seen what obsessed craig fans are capable of::::
Katie: Both of you can. . .
::::A girl is sweeping the floor, its Lindsay (haha she asked for a really small part ok?) the group decides maybe they can use her to distract greg:::
Chis: hey lindsay can you tell greg he has a call when we lower the MCOH??
Lindsay: Yeah ok sure no problem ill tell him Miss.Right is on the phone and ill have it hooked up to a dating service line MUHAHAHAHAHA }:)
Katie: I dont think you need to take it that far. . .
Lindsay: HEY! im doing you a favor! ill do it how i want to. .
Kristen: Ok guys, Mel will lower it, Nancy and Marybeth have Craig, Lindsay has Gregg and the rest of us will help Mel so that Art doesnt get suspicious sound good?
Gregg: Jigga yeah!
Scene 7: Those medling kids go into action!
:::Nancy and Marybeth both walk up to Craig slowly, giving each other an evil eye, they both like Craig, and we know that if one girl advances, the other will be there to knock her down:::
Dom: Maybe them going up there together was a bad idea. .
Katie: its the only way. . .
Nancy: Craig?
Craig: Yes?
Marybeth: umm would you please help us sing a song on that kareoke machine?
Craig: wouldn't you want Art instead?
Nancy: NO! he needs his M.C.O.H.. .(it was said as initials not actual words)
Art: huh? MCOH?
Nancy: uhh i mean no, Craig we want to sing it with you
Greg: well go on Craig the ladies want you!
::the 2 girls blush and Craig follows them to the stage/platform thingy. Lindsay approaches the table. The rest of the group continues to watch what happens:::
Lindsay: Excuse me sir. . .
Greg: Hi, could you bring me another one of those complimentary mints?
Lindsay: Sir, people usually order food here, they just dont sit and eat our mints. .
Greg: its not pay day yet. . . its not my fault its Arts he the front man afterall
Art: BRING THE MAN A MINT!!
Lindsay: OK! OK! what i came here to say was you have a call Sir you can take it in the kitchen. .
:::Lindsay and Greg exit. Onstage the music is starting, they couldnt figure out the song selection thingy so they just hit any ole' button and saw what came on. They hit the options to have the vocals from the song be played with it just incase they didnt know the words:::
Machine: I was sleeping and right in the middle of a good dream when all at once i wake up to somthing that keeps knocking at my brain,
Craig: oh. . .lord. .
::::Nancy and Marybeth stare at each other making sure the other doesnt make a move on Craig, The song continues and at the chorus Craig Turns to Marybeth and they sing to eachother::
Marybeth and Craig: I think i love you so what am i so afraid of, im afraid that im not sure of a love there is no cure for. . .
::Nancy watches and she gets so angry that she runs accross the stage at Marybeth:::
Nancy: YOU LITTLE HO! NOW YOU ARE GONNA GET IT!
::Nancy chases marybeth off the stage and outside Craig follows:::
Craig: GIRLS GIRLS WE CAN SETTLE THIS IN A CIVILIZED MANNER!!
:::The Group decides this is a good time to act, They walk up to art and sit down with him, Mel tries not to be noticed by him and sneaks up behind him with the MCOH in hand::
Chris: Hi! My name is Christina, this is Dom, Marybeth, Katie, Kristen, and Greg. We are all big fans. .
Art: Why thankyou!
Kristen: Umm would you mind signing this?
:::Kristen hands art a copy of SMFA this was perfect because art needed to look down to sign, this gave mel a perfect view of where to put the MCOH:::
::Katie nods to signal to Mel that now is the perfect time:::
:::Mel starts to move the COH close to arts head:::
Art: Whoops!
::Arts pen falls to the floor but mel was so excited that she still tried to put it on his head::::
:::BUT SHE MISSES!!! SHE HITS HIM IN THE BACK!!!!! AND BECAUSE OF ALL THE EXCESSIVE GLUE HER HAND IS NOW STUCK TO HIS BACK RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS SHIRT!!!!!::::
Art: uhhhhhh
Mel: errrehh
:::Art looks up and sees mels hand on his back he isnt aware that she is glued to him, Mel smiles so it just looks like she is overly affectionate the rest of the group silently freaks out:::::
Gregg: Mel is jigga screwed...
Dom: uhhh this errr is a good time to introduce you to our friend Melissa
Art: Does anyone else smell dog?
Kristen: ::wispers:: I knew we should have washed it first!!
::Greg returns with his pockets full of mints that he was obvioulsy trying to smuggle out of the place:::
Greg: Art we better go, the staff here is horrible
Lindsay: HEY!
Art: Yeah ok, Craig is already outside, it was nice meeting you guys, you too mel. .
::Art starts to walk. . Mel has to stay right behind him so that his shirt doesnt tug, then he will know that she is stuck to him:::
Art: hahaha, ok i love you too, you can let go now. . .
Mel: but. . . but. . .
::Marybeth comes running inside again Nancy is still chasing her except now she has a hose, Craig isnt far behind:::
Nancy: MARYBETH! NOW IVE GOT YOU!!
::Nancy sprays the hose with no mercy, Marybeth ducks behind Art who gets sprayed till he is soked:::
Katie: i can't believe we are here, ::clicks the back of her shoes together::: there is no place like home, there is no place like home, there is no place like home
Chris: That isnt gonna save us now. .
Art: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS! I CAME HERE FOR SOME FREE MINTS THEN I GET SPRAYED AND THIS CHICK IS TOUCHING MY BACK WHO SMELLS LIKE DOG HAIR!
::Dom and kristen start to cry they try to comfort each other:::
Greg: here is your coat art lets go.. .
Chris: COAT???
Katie: COAT!!!!
:::Art tries to put on his coat Mel knows her hand will be in the way so she gets on her knees and sticks her arm parallel to his back and walks on her knees with him::
Mel lip synching: helllllpppp meeeee
Art: ARE YOU STILL FOLLOWING ME? DO YOU WANTA GIFT OR SOMTHING??
Gregg: Jigga shirt. .
Art: YOU WANT MY SHIRT?!?! FINE TAKE IT!!! JUST GET AWAY FROM ME!!!
::Art gives mel his shirt, now she is free from his back because her hand was only stuck to the shirt:::
Mel: (half into tears) th. . th. . thankyou ::sniff sniff::
Craig: HEY ART you dropped your chunk of hair!
Art: oh thanks man!
:::art blushes:::
Art: this is my little chunk of hair that i like to stick in this lil spot on my head. . ill be going now. ..
::Art, Craig, and Greg exit::::
Marybeth: WOW how lucky are we, i mean we got out of that withought having to fess up . . .
:::a sigh of relief falls over the group:::
::Lindsay sees the missing pile of mints and runs outside after the bus:::::
Lindsay: YOU ARE ONLY ALLOWED 1 OK?? GIVE THE REST BACK!!!
::The bus takes off and Lindsay runs after them into the sunset:::
-The End