How many of us have seen "Sesame Street?" Come on, raise your hands. That's good. Now, how many of you have seen it recently? I have, and let me tell you, it is in need of revamping.
It would probably be more accurate to say "unvamping" because the revamping is what has messed it up in the first place. Oh sure, it's still the fun and exciting educational television we've all come to know and love, at least for the first half. Then the unthinkable happens. The worst character spends the last half of the show talking about things no one cares about and pretending to be funny. As scary as it sounds, Elmo has his own show.
Hatingly referred to as "Elmo's World," this half hour of horror usually involves everyone's least-favorite muppet asking moron "Mr. Noodle" if he knows how to wear socks, and then asking a baby if it knows anything about socks. It's depressing, that's what it is.
Why? Why do people do things like this? Elmo is neither funny nor cute. Not only has Sesame Street degraded into a veritable "Elmo Show," but it is almost always bereft of the most spectacular person ever manufactured out of felt and googly eyes.
That's right it's Grover! Lovable cute furry Grover, the muppet who taught us the differences between near and far, and here and there, and about alphabet soup, and the importance of phone booths in everyday superhero life. What has happened to this lovable blue monster? No one knows. Perhaps he's selling crack on the corner of Sesame Street. Maybe he's been forced to whore out his felt for pimp hats. I like to think he's taken his forced retirement with some dignity and has taken to hosting kid's parties. Whatever.
Also to be taken into account is the apparent lack of Gordon, Oscar the Grouch, Herry Monster, Bert, and all other enjoyables. Of course, these are all at the expense of...ELMO!!! I hope he dies. I really do.
Abelman.
P.S. Bert and Ernie are NOT gay. They're only five years old for crying out loud. They're just best friends. You want gay? Ellen DeGeneres.