The room was dark except for the small rays of light glinting in from around the closed blinds. The only sound that could be heard in the room was the sound of heart wrenching sobs. Serena curled herself up in her blankets and held on as if for dear life. She was no longer able to ignore all of the anger, frustration, and sadness she had pushed away to try and save her friends. Strong, violent emotions soon gave way to desperate feelings of helplessness and self-pity as the vision of her school exploding and her friends dying floated repeatedly before her eyes.
Her tears poured mournfully down her face and her chest heaved heavily with each sob. She could no longer make sense of her life or of the events of the past week. I failed. Even though I tried so hard, I failed. Sailor Mercury and Mars were still killed by that vermin Pyro-Head; Molly was blown to bits when the school exploded. Even Luna didn't believe me, but can I blame her? I can't ask Amy for help, not after Sunday... and Rei, she'll just call me a meatball head and tell me to go away.
She rolled onto her other side, away from the tears that had puddled on the one side of her pillow. How many more chances am I going to get? Will I ever be able to save them? But how much more can I do? A gentle touch on her shoulder startled her and she jumped and backed herself into the corner.
"Calm down, Serena, it's just me," Luna said in a whisper. The teenager sighed and slumped unhappily into her former position. She curled up into her blankets again and turned her back to her feline guardian. "What's wrong, Serena? Why aren't you at school? You'll be in a lot of trouble when you finally come out of here."
"I don't care," her young charge answered through her tears. Why should I care? By tomorrow, no one but me will remember this day.
"Are you upset because of the fight you had with Amy and Rei yesterday?" Luna asked in an attempt to extract some form of information from her. Serena pulled the blanket over her head and sniffled mournfully. "Ah, you know they won't be mad forever. You just have to pay attention more, that's all," Luna added encouragingly. She heard the girl begin to cry harder and tears welled up in her own eyes. "Serena,they won't be mad at you forever. It's not the end of the world. You just have to show them that you are trying."
The girl's entire body began to shake from the force of her sobs. "It's not that," she cried, her voice breaking from anxiety and sadness.
"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong," Luna said softly, hoping Serena would confide in her.
Serena sat up and shook her head. "Oh no, we're not going through THAT routine again." She jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a T- shirt. "You'll just tell me that it's impossible." To the cat looking stunned before her, she stated, "Well, it's not impossible and I'm not crazy." She wiped her tears away and sighed. "I'm just a failure."
Before the black cat could respond, Serena jumped out of the window. Luna ran to the window and gasped in amazement as Serena landed easily onto her feet and ran quickly away from the house. "She didn't kill herself..." Luna said to herself in wonder. "What has gotten into that girl?" Jumping through the open window, she landed softly on the ground. Okay Serena, it's time to figure out what's going on...
Serena ran blindly down the street, uncaring of who saw her or of whom she bumped into. The noises of the city seemed far away to her. It was as time was running in slow motion; the world was blurred. She didn't care. She wanted to run until her body collapsed from exhaustion, until her muscles ached with pain. She wanted her body to hurt as much as her feelings; she wanted it to collapse in its failure to succeed. How could she go on? How could she ever stand to watch her friends die painfully one more time? How could she ever again look anyone in the eye knowing that she had the chance to save them and failed?
She could barely make out an intersection before her. It was a very busy corner. A small voice at the back of her head reminded her, she should slow down. But when she was passed the point of no return, she felt no fear. How could she live without them? How could she go through the motions of life knowing that they would not be there anymore?
Her right foot hit the curb, the last stretch of cement before the heavy traffic. Without a thought, she closed her eyes and continued, expecting to be hit, expecting the pain to come. She had died once before in the last week. She could still remember the feeling of her soul fading into darkness. She would welcome that darkness...
Andrew made his way towards work, caught up in his own thoughts. He had a lot of work to do today; it was a good thing he could take off so early. He sighed, I hate Mondays... But his thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sight before him. There was Serena about to step into oncoming traffic. "SERENA! WATCH OUT!" he yelled desperately. He ran towards her, hoping to stop her in time, but it was too late.
He cringed as a small red car hit Serena. His ears were filled with the sounds of pedestrians screaming in alarms and traffic screeching to a sudden halt. A crowd quickly formed around the accident. Andrew pushed through the throngs of curious people, shoving people rudely out of the way.
Tears came quickly to his eyes, spilling down his face without shame. "Serena..." he said sadly. "Oh my god! SERENA!" he began to shout. "SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!! SOMEONE GET HELP!!" the young man yelled. He pushed an older woman out of the way so that he could get close to Serena. The blond teenager had been thrown back onto the sidewalk. She lay on her left side, in an awkward looking position. This isn't good... This is so bad! "Serena!" he cried, willing her to wake up. "Serena, don't die now! You can't!"
He fell to his knees near her, and stretched his hands out to her. But he hesitated; he was afraid to touch her, to cause her any more pain. I can't do anything. I'm helpless! "Come on, Serena, don't die... PLEASE!" he begged the unconscious girl. He heard the sound of the ambulance. "Hang in there. Please, help is coming."
Serena's mother winced at the sight of her daughter lying motionless on the hospital bed. This was her worst nightmare. It was as if she was walking awake in one of her dreams. She took Serena's hand in hers and began to cry. "Oh my poor baby...Oh my god, Serena..." she whispered in her grief.
Her body was battered and bruised. She breathed only because of the life support equipment she had been hooked up to. Serena looked as she was...barely alive. Her face was deathly pale, except for angry looking bluish-purple bruises lining the left side of her face and dark circles under her eyes.
The tall blue haired woman pulled herself up. She turned to Dr. Anderson. "Will...will she make it?" She grabbed the doctor's steady hand in her own trembling one. "Tell me my baby will live... Please! I can't lose her."
The doctor only shook her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She squeezed the sorrowful woman's hands in her own. "Even with life support...I wish we could do more."
Serena's mother pulled a chair near her daughter's bed and sat down. The tears ran down her face as she wiped the hair from her daughter's pale forehead. "My poor baby...don't worry, you won't be alone." She leaned over and kissed her daughter's forehead softly, as if afraid to wake her. "Have good dreams, Serena."
Amy walked into the principal's office, concern apparent on her young face. Why would my mother call me at school? I wonder what happened... She walked over to the secretary's desk and picked up the cordless phone handed to her. "Hello? This is Amy speaking."
"Amy," her mother said in relief, "I'm sorry, I probably worried you to death. But this is important. I want you to come down to the hospital now."
"But why? What's wrong? Are you ill?" she asked her mother.
"No, Amy, I'm fine. I don't want to explain over the phone. Please come right away."
"All right, I'll leave immediately, but what about my classes?" the blue haired teenager answered.
"I already spoke with your principal; it has already been arranged." Amy heard someone speaking to her mother in the background. "I'm sorry, Amy, I have to go now. Meet me in my office."
"Good-bye," Amy answered, more than a little shocked and puzzled. Why would my mother pull me out of class? She handed the phone back to the secretary and exited the office. A strange sense of fear began to cloud her thoughts. Something dreadful has happened.
Miss Haruna gasped as Mr. Winters, the principal, gave her the terrible news. She put a hand over her mouth to muffle the sounds of her disbelief. "Serena?" she whispered, trying not to let their conversation echo down the empty hall. "But that's impossible. Are you sure it was Serena? Maybe it's really another teenager..."
"Dr. Anderson, Amy's mother, called to let her out of class. That's how I found out about this terrible news. Amy has been called down to the hospital to be with her."
The tall red haired teacher leaned herself against the wall. Everything in her urged her to break down in sorrow. Serena, the one who never comes to class on time, who makes up extravagantly creative excuses as to why she doesn't have her homework finished... The girl who can make a joke out of anything and who can sleep through the most interesting classes? It can't be. She can't be dying...
"Dr. Anderson let me know that Serena walked into the path of oncoming traffic. She was hit by a car going through a green light." He put a hand on her shoulder and said, "I'm sorry I had to be the bearer of such dreadful news."
"Oh my..." Haruna started. Instead, she wiped her tear filled eyes and quieted. "Thank you, Mr. Winters, I'm grateful." She straightened the stylish black jacket she wore and nodded. "I have to return to my class now." Walking into the classroom, she sat at her desk and surveyed her students quietly working on a math pop quiz. She tried not to stare at Serena's empty desk. Sadness overcame her again and she looked quickly away. The class felt hollow now, as if something important was missing. You may be a major slacker, Serena, but I can't imagine this class without you.
Amy knocked quietly on her mother's office door, fidgeting nervously. Dr. Anderson opened the door and motioned quietly for Amy to enter. Amy's apprehension grew as she noticed her mother's sober gaze.
"Amy, you need to sit down," her mother said, backing her teenage daughter into a waiting chair. The teenager's eyes grew wide with fear, grappling at all the terrible possibilities. "Serena woke up in a very depressed state today." Sighing in irritation, she continued, "I hate to have to tell you this, Amy. This breaks my heart." Amy's face blanched, knowing what was to come would be terrible. "She locked herself in her room and refused to go to school. She was in a severely depressed state when she snuck out of her bedroom. She ran into oncoming traffic..."
"Oh my god, Serena, where's Serena?" shouted Amy bolting from her chair. She ran down the hall to where Andrew was sitting.
The blond young man looked up with tired, reddened eyes. "I'm sorry, Amy, I didn't stop her in time." He ran his hands through his hair. This day would forever change him.
Amy burst into the room to find Serena's mother weeping quietly next to Serena's bed. The only other sound in the room was the noise of the respirator as it forced air into Serena's lungs. "Serena!" she gasped and backed out the room in order. She walked directly into her mother, who had followed her grief stricken daughter.
"Will she be all right?" she asked with trembling lips, praying desperately that the situation seemed worse than it actually was. Her mother's eyes filled with tears and Amy understood. She sniffled, "How long?"
"A few hours, at most," her mother whispered.
Amy began to cry softly. The realization that she had a hand in her friend's emotional breakdown was painful. "It's my fault," she exclaimed in anguish. "Rei and I were mad that she came to the temple so late. We waited for her for so long. She didn't even pay attention to what we were saying. She just read the latest Sailor V comic. Rei was so angry... and so was I." Her mother held her close as she cried. "I was so angry with her... I didn't even defend her against Rei..." She clutched at her mother desperately. "I will never forgive myself."
"Amy, it's not your fault. Suicide is not contemplated after a simple fight. It is the result of a long lasting depression."
"It doesn't matter. I didn't back her up. I was angry and glad when I lashed out at her. I thought she would learn; that she would wake up and try harder. Not this..." she said, pointing towards the entrance to Serena's room. She leaned on her mother and continued to cry. Oh Serena, why did I let you down?
In the dark depressed recesses of her mind, Serena relived tortured images Sailor Scouts lying dead on the pavement and of her school exploding in a brilliant ball of orange flames. She was tired and couldn't fight the images anymore. She couldn't even try to deny their existence. Her friends would die again and again because of her failure. And now she hoped it would be the same for her. Blissful nothingness...
Amy closed the door behind her and leaned on it for a moment. In the short time she had known Serena, she had never imagined that Serena was capable of such a terrible depression. Why didn't I see the signs before now? The way her moods changed so quickly, how poorly she has done in school. Maybe that was her way of showing something was seriously wrong. I always thought that she just didn't apply herself... Maybe if we hadn't of been so hard on her last night, this wouldn't have happened.
She noticed Rei walking quickly down the hall. "Hi Rei," she said quietly greeting her dark haired friend.
"What's going on, Amy? Grampa pulled me out of class and told me that I had to come to the hospital, that something happened to Serena. He's in your mother's office now." She couldn't imagine what could have happened that even Amy would be pulled out of class. "Where's the Meatball Head? If they pulled us out of class..."
Amy's face contorted in anger. "How can you be so smug? Look!" Tears streaming down her face, she pulled her friend close to the hospital room door, forcing her to see Serena. "She committed suicide, Rei!"
The arrogant look on Rei's face melted into surprise and shock. "She did what?! That's impossible. Serena wouldn't do something like that."
Amy sighed. "She walked into oncoming traffic. It happened."
Rei peered through the small window in the door of the room Serena occupied and saw the tubes that were forcing her friend to cling to life. Her eyes became wide with the realization of her friend's condition. "She's dying, isn't she?" She closed her eyes and concentrated for a moment. "She's really going to die." The world began to spin around her quickly, and she sunk to the ground.
Amy didn't help her friend. A hard, angry look came over her face. "And it's our fault... It's all our fault. We drove her to this. We had that fight with her last night. We were too hard on her."
"I don't believe that," answered Rei, stunned. "Yeah sure, we were hard on her, but how much are we supposed to put up with? If she doesn't get with it, Jadeite's going to win and people will die."
Amy simply stared into the dimly lit room. "Look at her, Rei. We were too hard on her." Suddenly a dreadful noise could be heard from the room when the machine monitoring Serena's heartbeat beeped for last time.
The realization of what they had done rushed through Rei's mind and she began to sob violently. The guilt rushed over her and her hot tears seared her cheeks in anger and sorrow. She looked up at Amy, the sorrow and guilt in her eyes expressing words she could never say.
