Once in a Dream Part 9 --- Nightmare By: Neo-Queen Serenity E-Mail: serenausako@hotmail.com webpage: http://crystaltokyo.cjb.net The carriage rushed into the royal palace of England around early evening as Serena stepped out of the carriage hurriedly with Molly by her side. Royal guards bowed their heads low with respect in the presence of their princess. Serena only nodded her head in mere acknowledgment. She looked around at the solemn and quiet palace grounds where she had lived for 17 years since her birth. Everything was familiar in the eyes of its princess. But now Serena didn't admire its richness and beauty, her heart burned its need to find out... ******** She now sat impatiently in her own royal chamber, which was located at the eastern wing of the palace. Molly had come in earlier and served Serena her dinner as she preferred to eat alone. Molly then told the princess that Queen Serenity was in a very important conference with her assistants and advisors in the throne room. Serena didn't feel like eating at all, but Molly pressed her into at least having a bowl of soup. Serena soon dismissed her after dinner to have sometime to herself. Her thoughts were scattered and tangled. She didn't know where to start clearing them, nor did she know how to clear them. A slight knock came to her ears, then the door opened to reveal Queen Serenity stepping in. "Evening, mother." Serena said softly. Queen Serenity was in her late 30's, due to the tradition that women marry early in the old times. Her hair was the color of soft lavender, long, neat and flowing smoothly to her calves. She was the exact image of her daughter, kind and stunningly beautiful. Kindness and tenderness flowed from her blue gaze, lavender curls framed her solemn face. The Queen was dressed in her formal royal gown which was made of pure white silk, stitched with strands of silver and gold. She walked up to her only daughter with grace and hugged her tightly. "Welcome home, Serena. I assume you had lots of fun at Mina and Charles' castle. I hope my present suited you during the Christmas ball?" Serene looked up at her mother, her blue eyes locked with her motherly ones. "Ami, Lita, and Rei were all present. I had a great time, mother. I never could have enjoyed it this much even in my childhood. But I meant to question your summon of my early arrival-" Queen Serenity quickly cut her daughter off. She found a seat beside Serena on the bed and sat down. Taking Serena's hands in hers, Queen Serenity started hesitantly, "Serena, there is something I need to tell you. I had discussed the matter with my advisors and assistants in the throne room a while ago." She smiled a little, "I finally came to a decision that it's time for you to get engaged. Serena, you have to know that you have an arranged marriage to the Prince of France." Serena stared at her mother wide eyed. No, did she just say that I'm engaged to that Prince of France? No, it can't be. No one prepared me for this, what about Darien? Queen Serenity looked at Serena sadly. "Serena, I know it is your dream to marry for love, but you're a princess and the only heir to the throne of England... You know I love you deeply, but-France and England are both powerful kingdoms. To hold peace, the only way is to unite the two. And the best way to unite the two is a bond of marriage, a marriage between its own prince and princess. You're my only child, Serena. The King and Queen of France have only one son. I met the royal rulers just after your departure to Perth. The prince was not present, his parents said that he was off with one of his best friends. We all agreed to your engagement to the Prince. Be happy." "But mother...I...I can't marry him, I hardly even know him...and... I love another man whom I met earlier and deep down in my heart I know I love him. I can't abandon him and marry for political reasons because I LOVE him. Please, mother, don't do this to me! Mother, please, I...I thought you...loved me." Serena sobbed as her own emotions: shock, despair, and helplessness suddenly seized her vulnerable heart. "I'm sorry, Serena, the engagement was already planned. I can't break it off, dear. It's not under my power to do so. I do love you, Serena, but as a princess and the future queen of England, you need to be thinking of your own kingdom and people. I am afraid this is the only way. Being royalty is not easy, our life is not a fairy tale, Serena. There are so many things that were already planned for us, even before our birth. It is the way as it has been, we cannot change it nor fight it...princesses and princes were not born to love but to rule, you have to realize that." Her voice was calm, bringing finality to the conversation. The Queen hesitated again, "if it could make you feel better, I can tell you...that I had an arranged marriage, as well, when I was your age. I did not love your father....but it was the way it has to be..." Queen Serenity explained softly, her eyes quivering. "You did not love my father? But-" "As I already said, I had no other choice, I had to marry him. Your grandparents arranged the marriage...whoever I loved, I could not be with him, it was forbidden. I had to let him go. I still love him, but only in my heart and mind, a place where no one can reach into..." her mother smiled sadly, "Serena, there will be a time when I would leave the world and you, but before I do that, I want to see you cared for, married and protected. It's for your own good as well as for the Prince of France. Your ruling would be more powerful when united with France. I'm afraid you must obey me this time, Serena." Serena was silent, she didn't know what to say or even if she wanted to say anything at all. Her mind panicked, confusion clearly written all over her face. 'Mother did not love father, she loved another...' Her mind screamed. "Mother! Please, you were forced to marry for power, too. You...you... understand me, I love another man! Not the prince of France. I cannot bear to live with a total stranger! A man I had never even seen before! Think of me, mother. My pains and anguish, are they all nothing to you? Please mother, think of me...my sufferings!" Queen Serenity shook her head sadly. "Sorry, Serena. I do understand, but I do what I must...I guess, I should leave you alone for a little while, think it over, Serena. Think what I've told you..." Queen Serenity stood up and walked out of Serena's royal chamber with a gentle click of the door. Deadly silence cast its dark cloak over the room and everything that lay within... ********* Darien walked down the staircase and into the dinning room. He sat down on a chair by Ken and picked up a cup of steaming hot coffee on the table. Mina, Charles, Ami, Greg, Rei, Chad, Lita and Ken were all present, but not a single word escaped from their closed lips. Sipping his coffee slowly, Darien noticed something was wrong. He touched Ken's hands lightly, his gaze questioning. Ken looked up at him blankly. Darien's gaze soon fell on a spot beside him. A white dish, a complete silver set and a crystal cup rested silently on the table beside himself. Emptiness occupied the chair beside his own. The owner's shining blue eyes were no longer there, that mischievous smile and silver bell like laughter disappeared into thin air. Mina looked around, examining each silent face, finally her eyes landed on Darien. "Serena had to leave Leeds yesterday around early dawn...Her mother...Qu...Her mother had summoned her back. She wished to see Serena right away. She left without saying goodbye to everyone since it was too early in the day." The blond drew a steady breath, "I told her that I would announce it the next morning. She said she would be back eventually. Lita is going to pay her a visit as soon as she finishes her breakfast." Mina said uncomfortably even though her very own logic doubted if Serena would ever be back. Darien looked around, eight pairs of eyes focused on him. "I have some business to handle if you would excuse me." He got out of his seat and retreated upstairs. ******** Serena sat quietly in a chair beside a huge bay window in her chamber. Her face tear stained, her eyes lacked its usual brightness and delight, they were all red and puffy, and her once bright and shining blue eyes stared dully at the palace ground down below her window. Whiteness covered the whole piece of land, no sign of life or plants whatsoever. Serena used to love this feeling when she sat happily by it, reading a good novel of her own choice and enjoying the natural and fresh scenery outside. "Your Highness, Lady Lita is here to see you." Molly reported. Without turning, Serena simply said, "Let her in." Lita slipped quietly inside. Again, Serena ordered, "You can go now, Molly. Your service is not needed here right now." "Yes, Your Highness." Molly curtsied and left. Looking after Molly's retreating back, Lita sighed, "Serena...I don't know how to put this together but I already heard what's to happen from Queen Serenity. I'm so sorry, Serena." Still not turning around, Serena wiped her eyes with a white handkerchief. "Sorry? You don't need to feel sorry. This is all destiny. I thought of it the past two days. Mother was right, I have no other choice, I have an arranged marriage. I was never born to love, I must not marry for LOVE! Just because I am a PRINCESS?" She turned around it made a stubbing effort on Lita's heart to see her cousin's tear stained face. "Lita, I never asked to be a princess, nor did I want to be born into royalty! Why must fate be so cruel to me? Why is life so unfair? I don't want to be the Queen of England, nor the Queen of France! I want nothing! I want Darien! Darien, plain Darien. Can't anybody hear me? Can't anybody understand ME? I thought mother did...I thought she understood me, I thought she LOVED me." She sobbed again, her slim shoulder racked with emotion and anguish. Lita put her hands on Serena's shoulder. "She does, Serena, she does love you. She did this for your own good." The constriction in her throat stopped her from saying anything more. "She doesn't know what is good for me. I don't care if all the world misunderstands me or even hates me, at least my own mother loves me. I wouldn't feel loved even if the whole world loved me and my OWN mother does not! Life is too realistic, Lita, too cruel and realistic. It's like a dream--when you've finally found what you've been looking for in years, and you were finally content and felt so lucky, it was a wonderful dream come true, FATE is in favor and fond of you. But fate could also crush your little world with her icy, cruel and bare hands! She would tear it, pierce it, and shatter it. She'd squeeze and repeatedly stab your vulnerable heart, and let it bleed silently. Leaving you startled, shocked and helpless. When you just realize it, it's already too late. It's scattered, gone...not a single piece is left behind for me, for me to remember, to memorize. When I cried for it to leave me alone, to never approach me again, it hovered over my mind and haunted my every day and night. It's a nightmare, Lita...it is one, a cruel and mere illusion! I was a fool, a BIG fool! A fool to believe in dreams, a fool who actually believed love ever existed. Why do you have to be so cruel?! Give him back to me. Lies and iciness was all you have offered me, WHY?!" her scream demanded, Serena broke down into tears again, but reality pierced her heart and soul. Lita placed her arms around her best friend and cousin. Serena's sobbing form was shaking within her own embrace. Lita felt as if she was a little child, helpless and scared. Serena's pain and helplessness pierced Lita's heart. Yet she could not do anything to help it, she could not soothe it nor take it away. "Please, Serena, Fate could hear your prayers, if your heart desires it. She will send him back to you, perhaps in a different way." Lita looked at Serena and pleaded. "I wished that I never went to Perth, never even heard of the name Darien." Lita was silent, she couldn't find any words to comfort her crying princess. Serena suddenly looked up, tears filled her blue orbs. "I envy you, Lita. You are wealthy, pretty, strong, and most of all, you can go after whoever you love, and you can stay with Ken of your OWN free will. What about me? No one cares! If I ever have the chance to decide, I will make sure I am never to be born a princess again. My heart hurts. It feels as if a heavy stone dropped mercilessly on me, like there was no way I could ever get out from under it. Help me, please! Why does everyone have to be so cruel to me?" "Serena, I am sorry." Serena's hard and quivering voice cut her off quickly. "Don't mention that name again, please! Whenever that name comes into my ear, my heart aches and bleeds. It's...it's like a sharp, cold knife stabbing my heart right on! Why can't I be with Darien? Why did you have to make me fall in love with a man I can't ever be with? Prince of France---a perfect stranger I had never even met before. I can't bear it, Lita...to live under the same roof with a perfect stranger, seeing that face daily and knowing deep in my heart that I do not love him. My world is falling apart, piece by piece." Serena stopped only to lift her face. "Lita? Can you do me a favor? It may the last one before I get engaged. Can you give this to Darien?" Serena stood up and pulled out a letter encased in a pink envelope. Lita took it in her hands, "I will tell-" "Don't tell him anything...just give him this." Serena shook her head. "If you don't mind, Lita, I need sometime alone." Serena half asked half commanded, her voice hard and cold. Lita headed slowly to the door, looking back once more at the young princess who had flung herself on the bed, tears flew freely down her cheek, saturating the rich velvet and silk cover. Great compassion and sympathy swelled up in Lita's chest. She left the silent room quietly, locking the weeping figure behind the closed door and everything that laid within... ******** It was quite late at night when Lita came back from London. Everyone, including Darien, gathered in the drawing room after dinner. The once elegant drawing room that was full of laughter was now uncomfortably silent. Ken then greeted his fiancée, but Lita stopped him before he could kiss her lightly on the cheek. Her brown gaze silently told him that it was not the right time. Lita let her eyes wonder around the room for a little while and walked straight up to Darien. He was sitting in a cushioned chair in front of the hearth, a place Serena had usually occupied before. His dark hair reflected the orange glow of the burning ember, his gaze showed the same orange color in their blueness, but they were staring straight into the fireplace. Its owner's mind elsewhere. Darien's lips pressed firmly together, his upper teeth biting his lower lip lightly. He did not turn to look at Lita when she approached him. "I had met Serena. She wanted me to give you this." Lita handed him the little envelope, her eyes filled with worry and concern. Darien took the paper, clutching it tightly between his fingers. "If you excuse me, I would rather prefer to read this alone." Without receiving a reply, he retreated from the drawing room. Everyone's gaze followed his disappearing back, eyes filled with worry. ******** Darien shut his bedroom door tightly. Sighing and leaning against the brown wood, he brought the pink paper in front of his eyes. His mind a total blank, he didn't know where to start. The pink envelope was small, delicate and light, but its impact on Darien's heavy heart was tremendous. Printed white rose designs lined closely to form the border. Not a single word was on it, the place after "TO:" and "FROM:" was a total blank. Darien tore the envelop slowly with shaky hands, a white letter paper fell on his palm. Opening it slowly, a familiar curly writing a ppeared before his dark gaze, a writing he could not forget even in a thousand years. Darien was almost afraid to read on, but his mind told him he must. Dearest Darien, When you're reading this letter, I am probably crying my heart out at the same time. I must tell you something that even my heart and duty could not deny. I am engaged, to a perfect stranger I have never met before. No matter how much I tried to block the fact, it's too realistic, it's as plain as day. My mother arranged the whole thing, I know it's my duty to obey my mother and my superior. But my own free will wants the other way around. Do not think I betrayed you, I have no other choice, Darien. If I ever had the power to choose, I would run into your open arms without a second thought. Our first meeting and the short weeks I stayed with you is still deep in my memories, it will always be there. I could not and cannot forget it. Fate is a cruel creature, and life is too realistic and harsh, she made me fall in love with a man I couldn't be with! I am sorry, Darien. I am faced with a decision of either duty or love. I had made my choice, through tears and heartbreak. Your smile, your eyes and everything about you will always live in my heart, in a place I can reach into when I feel hopeless and helpless. I will never forget you even though I must marry another, my short time with you was the happiest part of my life. I only wish I could have met you sooner, but it doesn't matter now. Forget me, Darien, just consider it a dream, keep the good part and forget about the nightmare. I sincerely wish you luck from my heart and soul, because I love you. Find someone else, please, someone who can make you happy, someone who can love you and comfort you, which I could not do. You will always live in my heart. Good-bye - forever. Serena, a girl who will always love you Dread and grief swallowed Darien, he looked at Serena's letter with despair and agony. The white paper was soaked and damped with little drops of water, which was undoubtedly its owner's tears. Darien fingered the white paper and curly writing on it, as if he was caressing a lover's face. A huge emptiness occupied his heart and soul. The words "Good bye - forever..." echoed in his mind, sharpness pierced his heart. Even though he knew she loved him. It was too late, she's going to MARRY another man. Darien lit up a single match and burned the piece of paper. Looking at the flames that reflected his own eyes, anguish and hopelessness chilled his heart. He punched his desk helplessly, "NO! How can you do this to ME? Don't you know that I love you? Can't you see that I NEED you? Answer ME! Answer me, Serena!" The scream of pure pain could be heard miles away, but they would never reach the ears of the person who should have received them, she was TOO far away... Darien eyed the gray ashes sadly, his love and happiness died with it. Only one thought echoed in his mind, "Home..." To be continued...