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1. Never squat with yer spurs on.
2. There's two theories ta arguin' with a woman; neither one works.
3. Don't worry 'bout bitin' off more 'n ya can chew, yer mouth is probably a whole lot bigger 'n you think.
4. If ya git ta thinkin' yer a person of some influence, try orderin' someone else's dawg around.
5. After eatin' 'n entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roarin'. He kept it up til a hunter came along 'n shot 'em. The moral: When yer fulla bull, keep yer mouth shut.
6. If ya find yerself in a hole, the first thing ta do is stop diggin'.
7. Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacca.
8. It don't take no genius ta spot a goat 'n a flock of sheep.
9. Never ask a barber if he thinks ya need a haircut.
10. Never folla good whiskey with water, unless yer outta good whiskey.
11. Good judgement comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgement.
12. Always drink upstream from the herd.
13. Never drop yer gun ta hug a grizzly.
14. If yer ridin' aheada the herd, take a look back every now 'n then ta make sure it's still there.
15. When ya give a lesson in meanness ta a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson well.
16. When yer throwin yer weight around, be ready ta have it thrown around by someone else.
17. Lettin' the cat out the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
18. Always take a good look at what yer 'bout ta eat. It's not so important ta know what it is, but it's critical ta know what it was.
19. The quickest way ta double yer money is ta fold it over 'n put it back in yer pocket.
20. Never miss a good chance ta shut up.
21. A good horse never comes in a bad color.
22. Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.
23. There's three kindsa men. The one that learns by readin', the few that learn by observation, and the rest of 'em that gotta pee on the 'lectric fence fer themselves.
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