I always knew there must be more
To that simple, Godless treat,
Than a spongy, yellow outer layer
And icing inside to eat.

It started one day at the store,
Myself no more than five,
When I got to pick a nummy snack
For behaving on the ride.

My eyes glanced wildly at all the shelves,
Junk food for miles and miles!
I stepped back, merely to catch my breath,
And suddenly, did end my smiles.

I had stepped on something in the aisle,
My mind flashed back to the sign;
It was posted in the front of the store,
It was posted in my mind..

"Welcome to my humble store,
Welcome, hi and hey!
The only rule I ask you to follow
Is, 'You ruin it...you pay'".

I knew my mother would be so mad,
To buy an unwanted treat,
That I had carelessly crushed that day,
Under the shoes on my feet.

And back stepped I, with a worried look,
To see the victim of my fate,
But worried more did my look get,
When I did a double take.

It was a Twinkie that I had squished,
It laid flat on the floor,
But when I blinked and blinked again,
It's natural shape did restore!

I put the snack back on the shelf,
And to the door I hurled,
Not knowing the power I just had witnessed,
Would eventually rule the world.

Now here I am, ten years hence,
And again, Twinkie in hand,
But now, I know how to harness it's power,
Thanks to it, I rule the land!

Who needs a nuclear sub-atomic gun,
When killing with Twinkies is two times the fun?!

I rule the world with iron fist,
And iron tongue as well,
Chosen of the Twinkie Gods,
To make the earth a hell!!

So, the next time you are at the store,
Consid'ring Twinkies as just 'snacks',
Re-evaluate your morals then,
'Fore my Twinkie army attacks!!