- a theory in the works by Ki-chan -
Have you noticed how the whole furby hype that overtook certain weak-minded, commercially influenced people by storm just last Christmas...is suddenly gone? I mean, I haven't seen or heard of furbies for months now! (Not that I'm complaining, mind you). Does this seem odd to anyone else? They were here...then they're gone...how convenient, don't you think? Makes you wonder 'zactly what the little buggers are up to...
Furbies are evil incarnate..Yeah, I know you know that. But do you also know of their evil plans? Well, let me enlighten your feeble minds with some CIA-classified intelligence which I intercepted through a handy CB radio the other night. Here is the main portion:
CIA Agent #1: So, did you watch the Lewinsky interview?
CIA Agent #2: Yeah and damn, she is HOT!
#1: Monica...?
#2: No, Barbara Walters...she is fiiiine!
*clicks and static*
#2: What was that?
#1: I dunno, but just remember this isn't a secure frequency, so we gotta be careful...
#2: Yeah..
*chirps and animal noises*
#1: Are you hearing that?
#2: Yeah-WHAT THE HELL!?!? *screams*
#1: What?! *terrified*
#2: They put those damn little onions on my Big Mac...
#1: ......
#2: So have you talked with the Chief about our little...uhmm..situation...?
#1: Which one?
#2: The Fur- *catches himself*..I mean, the Urby-Fay one..?
#1: Oh, yeah *coughs* *speaks in code* The teakettle is boiling over and Johnny has shucked all the corn. Will the pigs jump over the fence in time to escape the sausage maker?
#2: ...Did I mention I haven't learned the new codes yet..?
#1: ......
#2: Why can't it all just be in Pig Latin? It's such a Classical Language...
#1: ..Whatever...
Well, I guess I can say it in plain English...The furbies...they've taken over most of the Middle East....it's bad Jim, plenty bad...with all that nuclear power..we can't possibly..*trails off*
#2: Don't say it, Bob...it'll all turn out in the end...you know it will....
#1: I sure hope so...but can you imagine? All those furbies..AND that big hairy beast...
#2: And the...huge...hairy...beast...?
#1: ...yeah..Saddam Hussein. Haven't you seen those nude pics of him on the internet? Ki-chan's Realm has tons of them...and damn, he is a fuzzy SOB...
#2: *thinks for a second* yes, hairy, just like...*gasps*
#1: *finishes his thought*...a fluffy cow..
#2: Noooo...just like a giant furby!!
#1: Well, that too....I guess...*pouts*
*transmission fizzles then fades*
So, as you can see, this is quite a big deal. I believe that the furbies have already began taking over the world..why, they're everywhere!!
To show you just how serious I am, I've contrived a list...
*pulls a list from the inside of her trench coat*
*holds it up high*
I have here, a list of 134 furbies in the State Department...and it doesn't end there!! They're all around you..the grocer at the local market...a furby...the girl down the road who plays piccolo in the high school band...a furby...the nice widow who bakes food for the poor...a furby...
We must resist! Kill the furbies! Kill the little bastards! *calms herself down* I'm sorry for that outburst, I just *suddenly gets dramatic* *tears* don't want to see these furry parrotite floozies take over the world...damn them, damn them..I'm supposed to do that..*sobs heavily* I just..*sniffle*..want a little recognition..*sniffle*..is that so much to ask? And I can't rule earth, why? Because I'm not 8 inches tall, furry all over, with a little beak for a mouth? I can be though!! I'll change!! For you ALL!! We can do this together, goddammit...we'll blow the little pansies outta the water!! Once and for all!!
