Night Sweats: The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed.

Mood Swings: Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.

Memory Loss: You write post-it notes with your kid's names on them.

Irritability: Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home," and your reply is, "Well, if it isn't Ozzie f**king Nelson."

Sleeplessness: The phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.

Fatigue: You find Guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner.

Mild Incontinence: You change your underwear after every sneeze.

Sudden Weight Gain: You need the 'Jaws Of Life' to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant.

Dryness: You ask Jiffy Lube to put you up on a hoist.

Female Hormone Deficiency: You take a sudden interest in "Wrestlemania".

Hormone Therapy: You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales