Due to increasing products liability litigation,
beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you
think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol is a major
factor in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you
to tell the same boring story over and over again
until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you
to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you
to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may leave you
wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may make you
think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you
to roll over in the morning and see something really
scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol is the leading
cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may create the
illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than
some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you
to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you
to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause an
influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and
sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may actually
CAUSE pregnancy.
