"Marlena, what's going on?" Caroline asked as Marlena entered the pub.
"Caroline, I don't really have time to get into the details right now, but I'm worried about John." Marlena explained anxiously. "Can I have the letter?"
"Sure," Caroline replied walking over to the bar. "Don't you want to take your jacket off dear?"
"No, I can't stay too long." Marlena insisted gripping onto her jacket.
"Come to think of it dear," Caroline began looking Marlena over, "that looks a lot like John's favorite jacket."
"It is." Marlena replied ripping open the letter as Caroline handed it to her.
"What does it say dear?" Caroline asked watching Marlena's face turn pale.
Marlena blinked back tears as she read John's letter to her. It said:
Doc,
By the time you read this letter, I will be far from Salem. I realize that I've hurt so many people who put their faith in me in the past and it dawned on me tonight when we were at the morgue that I made a huge mistake in my judgement. I know that you are going to find this hard to understand, but it is my fault that Kristen died. I didn't listen to her cry for help and that pushed her over the edge, ultimately causing her death.
I realized tonight that along with hurting Kristen, I was hurting you. I have put unnecessary pressure on you lately about making a choice between me and Roman and I'm sorry Doc. I know that I said that I wouldn't pressure you and I broke that promise. I'm so sorry Doc, and I assure you that you won't have to worry about that ever again.
Doc when I fell in love with you, I promised to be the kind of good noble man that someone as wonderful as you deserved to have in your life. When I let Kristen die, I broke that promise and I realized tonight that no matter how much I love you, I can never be the man that you need in your life.
Even though I will always love you Doc, I can never be the one to give you all that you deserve in life. You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you that can be able to keep their promise of love. Doc, I spoiled that
promise when I allowed Kristen to take her own life.
God, this is so hard for me and I hope that I have the strength to go on with this. No matter how hard I want to stay here with you and the kids Doc, you deserve better in your life. I can't face you, Belle, or Brady knowing that I was the cause of the end of someone's life. I'll always love you Doc and I hope that you don't ever forget the love that we shared because your love was the one thing that filled in the void that I felt in my life for so long. I just wish that I could've been able to be the one to be with you, but I guess that I messed that one up, huh? Well, I have to go now before I change my mind. I just want you to know that I love you Doc and I always will...goodbye.
Always,
John
"No John!!!!" Marlena cried dropping the letter to the ground.
"Marlena, what does it say?" Caroline asked watching Marlena fall into a booth. "What's wrong?"
"He's gone Caroline." Marlena cried afraid that she would never see John again.
"Oh my..." Caroline began picking the letter up and reading it. "How could he blame himself for Kristen?"
"I don't know Caroline." Marlena replied as tears fell from her face.
"Mommy, is that you?" Belle asked walking down the stairs into the pub.
"Belle," Marlena gasped realizing that her daughter had entered the room.
"Mommy, why are you crying?" Belle asked clenching her teddy bear tightly as she approached Marlena's side. "Is something wrong?"
"Oh sweetie...." Marlena began picking up Belle and hugging her tightly as her tears continued to fall. "I love you so much."
"Why are you so sad mommy?" Belle asked again wiping a tear from Marlena's face.
"It's a grown up thing Belle...that's why mommy is crying." Marlena explained sadly to her daughter.
"Well, I know how to cheer you up mommy." Belle insisted handing over her teddy bear to Marlena.
"Thank you sweetie." Marlena smiled taking the bear from Belle's hand. "The bear is very helpful."
"Not the bear mommy...." Belle insisted with a silly grin upon her face.
"What then sweetheart?" Marlena asked confused.
"Well, when I'm sad, I call daddy, so I think that you should call daddy." Belle insisted hugging Marlena. "Daddy would come over here really fast if he knew that you were crying mommy. He loves you so much."
"Oh Belle......" Marlena cried holding her daughter tighter.
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Marlena walked out of her daughter's bedroom after reading Belle a story to put her asleep. She could feel her hands shaking as she shut the bedroom door. She decided that she was going to leave and find John. She was filled with an overwhelming sadness and almost started crying when Caroline approached her.
"How am I going to explain this to the kids Caroline?" Marlena asked sadly looking at Caroline. "How are they going to react knowing that their daddy has disappeared?"
"I don't know dear." Caroline began sadly as there was a tapping at the front door. "It sounds like someone is downstairs."
"John!!" Marlena replied rushing down the stairs to answer the door. "Oh John."
"Doc," Roman replied as she rushed into his arms. "It's me...Roman."
"Oh Roman," Marlena answered backing away from him slightly. "What are you doing here?"
"Pop called me while you and mom were putting Belle to bed and she explained what was going on." Roman informed her noticing that she was wearing John's jacket. "They told me that you were upset and I came over as soon as possible."
"John's gone." Marlena explained walking back inside the pub.
"I called Abe and he said that his men are out searching for John." Roman said looking at her tear streaked face. "Don't worry Doc, you and I both know that John is going to be okay."
"No he won't be okay Roman." Marlena snapped at him. "This isn't like John to disappear like this. He's hurting right now and there isn't a damn thing I can do for him."
"Doc, he will show up eventually." Roman tried assuring her. "He'll be back when this whole thing about Kristen blows over. I say give it a couple of days."
"Roman, how could you be so wrong? Don't you understand that John is the type of person that can't bear with the thought of hurting another human being? He feels that he is directly responsible for Kristen's death, so therefore I can only imagine what is running through his head right now." Marlena yelled at him.. "For all I know, this is completely tearing him apart."
"Doc, I'm sorry to be so insensitive." Roman apologized realizing that he wasn't winning any brownie points with her.
"Roman, I don't mean to yell at you, but I'm just so worried...." she trailed off crying.
"Doc," Roman began wrapping his arms around her.
"Roman...the kids need him so much....." she sobbed into his chest. "They need to have him here.......I need him here."
"Doc....." Roman began taking in her words as his cell phone rang. "Maybe this is Abe with some news."
"I hope so." she replied backing away from Roman.
Marlena watched as Roman talked on the phone. She realized immediately that it was indeed Abe. She tried to read Roman's facial expressions as he talked to Abe, but was unsuccessful in finding out if there was any good news.
"Thanks Abe. We'll be right there." Roman replied hanging up his phone and turning to Marlena.
"What is it Roman?" Marlena asked hopeful. "Did Abe find John?"
"I'm not sure Doc." Roman began taking in a deep breath.
"What do you mean, you're not sure? What did he tell you Roman?" Marlena asked anxious to hear what Abe had to say.
"Well Doc, there's been an accident." Roman muttered softly.
"What?" she asked confused. "What kind of accident?"
"There's been a car accident reported on the cliff at the edge of town." Roman explained sadly. "They found a car matching the description of John's at the bottom of the cliff and Abe is on the way to check it out right now. I told him that we would meet him there in a few minutes."
"No!!!!!" Marlena cried falling to the ground.
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