~ THE RULES! ~
RULE #1 KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!!!
RULE #2 Keep the upper hand!
RULE #3 Maintain control
RULE #4 DENY EVERYTHING! IE: "It wasn't me....!" "I have no recollection of that event!"
RULE #5 Let the other person THINK they're in control
RULE #6 Never go back....always go forward
RULE #7 Once you've crossed that line, make up your mind now....forward or STOP!
RULE #8 Remember, it's just a GOAL you set....nothing more
RULE #9 NO FEELINGS!
RULE #10 No matter how guilty you feel....KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!
RULE #11 By now, you've told a friend...MAKE SURE THEY follow RULE #1!!!!!!!!!
RULE #12 If you want more, make sure it's worth the risk
RULE #13 Never teach!
RULE #14 Make sure they never get the best sex they've ever had (make them want it again)
RULE #15 Never depend on them to bring protection! (they won't)
RULE #16 One you turn down is one you don't get!
RULE #17 Fat ones need love too!
RULE #18 Never be ashamed of what you have (or in excess of what you have!)
RULE #19 Even if they tell you you're a lousy fuck....YOU STILL GOT LAID!!!
RULE #20 If you're looking to keep a weekly fuck, make sure it's someone you can trust
RULE #21 THINK MARRIED!
RULE #22 Married people don't talk
RULE #23 The ring doesn't plug the hole....just makes it tighter!
RULE #24 Married people make better lovers (refer to Rule #22 and #23)
RULE #25 Never fuck a co-worker! Bad carma!
RULE #26 If you do tag a co-worker.....BE GOOD!
RULE #27 There should be NOISE involved! (make 'em say your name!)
RULE #28 If they're playing hard to get......be smooth
RULE #29 Keep sex to a minimum...foreplay is ALWAYS essential
RULE #30 Make 'em break a sweat!
RULE #31 NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! tell the woman she's FAT!
RULE #32 Never let them see that you want them more than they want you
RULE #33 Never get jealous of your lover's friends or of your friends messing with your lover
RULE #34 Always make sure this is what you want
RULE #35 If you are going to give up the foreplay make sure you keep them wanting more
RULE #36 Never leave sexually frustrated
RULE #37 Make sure everything works out all right for ya!
RULE #38 Refer back to Rule #27!
RULE #39 Make sure when calling out his/her name, it's the right one!
RULE #40 Don't flip the fuck out when your lover comes near you
RULE #41 Dump them before they dump you
RULE #42 Refer back to rule #27!
RULE #43 Make sure all evidence is disposed of PROPERLY
RULE #44 NEVER - -UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!- -say "I love you" (refer back to rule #9)
RULE #45 Eatin' ain't cheatin'!
RULE #46 Do not worry about your lover
RULE #47 Don't dwell
RULE #48 NEVER compare one lover to another one, and if you do...refer back to #1!!!!!!
RULE #49 Always make them come back to you, NEVER go after them
RULE #50 Never fall!!!
RULE #51 Sloppy seconds aren't always a bad idea
RULE #52 Multiple identities are a real good idea!
RULE #53 When in doubt claim that you were drunk
RULE #54 Get it in, get it off, get it out!
RULE #55 If they're too stupid to play the game, FUCK 'EM!
RULE #56 There's nothing wrong with a no strings attached ShA-bAnG
RULE #57 To impress them, try to remember the color of their eyes
RULE #58 Make lies small they're easier to remember
RULE #59 If ya have to use viagra, leave her alone
RULE #60 When leaving with someone at closing time, use someone's name that you hate
RULE #61 Never bring home a technique used out of the house
RULE #62 Remember that you're there for your pleasure only
RULE #63 Go home, lay down and SHUT UP!!!
RULE #64 Don't ever refuse an ugly one, they give it all they've got 'cuz they don't know when the next one is coming along
RULE #65 Never give out your real phone number
RULE #66 Don't tell him/her where you live
RULE #67 If there's a circle worn in his wallet, chances are he doesn't know what he's doing
RULE #68 If they ask you if you'll respect them in the morning, sleep passed NOON!
RULE #69 Cover your tracks
RULE #70 No matter what they tell you, alcohol DOES affect your performance
RULE #71 Refer back to Rule #52
RULE #72 Always wear underwear with no holes, you just never know when you're gonna get lucky
RULE #73 Holes in their underwear is just easier access
RULE #74 When going down on someone driving down the road, make sure there is enough clearance between you and the steering wheel
RULE #75 It's not the face you fuck, it's the fuck you face!
RULE #76 If you're not happy, they damn well better not be happy!
RULE #77 If you see someone going to the bathroom with a roll of quarters, somebody's in for a good time!
RULE #78 Never EVER pay an ugly one, no one is that desperate
RULE #79 Never mention tuna unless you're done and don't want anymore
RULE #80 If you start something in public, make sure no family members are present
RULE #81 Remember, lights out can mean ALOT!
RULE #82 If she bitches about the ribs, turn them inside out for your pleasure
RULE #83 Suckin' ain't fuckin'!
RULE #84 The ring comes off just as easy as it went on
RULE #85 If you don't come out of it with a few bruises and scratches, it wasn't worth it
RULE #86 As long as there's help on the other line, it's O.K.
RULE #87 If you can't fuck your friends, who can you fuck?
RULE #88 It ain't braggin' if you can prove it
RULE #89 Always check windows for footprints, headprints, handprints etc...
RULE #90 If you're gonna have an extramarrital, limit yourself to 1 daily, unless you're in the zone.
RULE #91 If you're in the zone, say what you have to say to get laid.
RULE #92 If you have to say "I love you", don't mean it! (RULE #9)
RULE #93 If you happen to break RULE #9 and your heart gets broken, fuck them, move on to your next notch for the bed post.
