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Frankenstein's Monster and Other Footwear Observations

First off, I don't have a foot fetish. I don't expect all women to run around in 4-inch stilletto heels. I want to make that clear before I begin this rant. I also am not a bitter middle-aged man (yet). That being said, I'd like to make some observations about shoes, and particularly, women's shoes and the hideous clod-hoppers girls are putting on their feet in the name of fashion.

I used to think that young people wore clothes and shoes for two reasons, namely what was good-looking and also what was considered fashionable. Not any more. After spending quality time in the mall picking up Christmas presents (it's also a good place to take your toddler for a walk when the temperature outside is below zero) I have decided that, believe it or not, the clothes worn by today's teens are WORSE than the crap my older brother wore in the late 70's. Though the shirts and bell-bottoms are roughly the same, it's the shoes that really take today's "fashion" over the top.

I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to walk up to some girl and ask her point blank, "Do you think those platform sneakers look attractive?" Here comes a pretty young thing down the street and your eyes are suddenly drawn to those ungodly buckets around her feet. Suddenly, instead of thinking "my, what a pretty face" you find yourself thinking of Frankenstein's monster, arms outstretched shouting "URRRGGHH!! FIRE BAAAAD!!!", or perhaps a couple of Mafia hitmen getting ready to throw her into the East River after giving her cement galoshes.

There is more to the story. These platformed atrocities are really, really bad for feet and ankles. By the time these girls are in their thirties and fourties they probably won't be able to walk without discomfort, and will have so awefully misshapen feet they'll be mistaken for the elephant man every time they take their shoes off!

Okay, maybe I made up that elephant man part, but seriously, do yourself a favor, ladies. Take those shoes off and put them in the dumpster next to the bell-bottomed pants where they belong...