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Turning the Thanksgiving Day Parade into a bad rerun of Star Search

What do you watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade for?

If you are like me, the parade means great music from marching bands, neat floats, shriners in little cars, and Santa. However, if you ask the major television networks, they'll give you a different opinion. Remember, they know what we want, not us.

This is why, in your average hour of the parade, you actually only see maybe ten minutes of the aforementioned items. If you want to hear the marching bands, good luck. You have a better chance by opening your window and listening across the country. Why? Because the Thanksgiving Day Parade coverage by the networks is based on the theory that everyone in America has Attention Deficit Disorder.

Example: Useless soap opera actor: "Now coming down the street is the George Washington High School Marching Band! Let's listen..." [about six seconds of 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town'] "Aren't they great? This is the school's third year in the parade. Now let's go down to Janet Lamo on the street, pretending that everyone down there is a fan, not just a bunch of losers who want to get on TV..."

Then, suddenly, you find yourself watching an old rerun of Star Search, as some no-talent group of singers is serenading you with their lip-sync of "Santa Claus Brought You to Me". They're not even marching! They're standing in front of some grandstand! And no sooner are they done when you get the Hee Haw Gang on top of the Skoal Chewing Tobacco float singing "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reigndeer". Who the heck can stand either of these lame attempts at free publicity, let alone both of them?

But fear not, my friends. You see, my website isn't just about problems, it's about solutions. The solution to this problem is easy. Just pick up a recording of John Phillip Sousa marches as performed by the Marine Corps Marching Band. Throw it on the CD player, and let her rip. Sure, it may look funny to hear "Anchors Aweigh" while Boyz 2 Men is singing "I'll Be Home for Christmas", but hey, it's a step up.