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That's Entertainment??????

I have tried to avoid professional wrestling because I always considered it stupid. I mean, fake sports? C'mon. We've got plenty of those already, like ballet skiing and that gymnastics thing with the ball and streamer. A friend of mine said, "You haven't seen it in a while. You just need to see it now. The wrestling is just a small part of it!". Well, considering that I was at his house, and didn't want to be rude, I sat down and made my way through Monday Nitro or Tuesday Thunder or Wednesday Buttbruising or whatever it was...

I gotta say, I was impressed! Not with the show - God no, but with the amount of money spent on what has to be the LEAST ENTERTAINING thing I have ever seen! Let's break down your typical 'episode', shall we? It isn't too difficult, since everything seems to be the same for every match, anyway. Okay, first, there's some guy talking in the most throaty voice he can muster about how great he is, and what a loser his opponent is. I flick the channel to the presidential debates and can watch the same thing. Then let's consider their outrageous outfits. Well, if there's a Kiss video on anywhere I can see the same thing there. I gave up Kiss when I turned twelve. I feel no need to idolize guys wearing makeup now.

Next come lots of fireworks and cheering (big deal) and out comes the opponent. He gives his little speech about how great he is and is unfairly blind-sided by the "bad guy". Then they "fight". Badly. The fight is short (I can see unrealistically short fights on re-runs of Home Improvement if I want) and badly choreographed. Also, they don't use their strength and physical training to beat their opponent. No, they resort to using chairs and two-by-fours (which just happen to be lying at the side of the ring) to cheat themselves to a victory. What a fine message to give to our youngsters! You don't have to work hard to achieve anything! If you brag and cheat, you'll win!

That about sums it up. The build-up is about 90% and the fight itself is only about 10%. After a few tumbles on the mat (which I can see on the Spice Channel instead) the pathetic attempt at fighting is over. Then the most amazing thing happens - the audience... CHEERS! That's right! Instead of being pissed off that they sat through such a build-up and got such a lousy fight, they are delighted!

You know, there is only so much time you can spend pretending to watch T.V. After having pretended to watch while reading the title to every videotape my friend had next to the set that evening I eventually gave up and excused myself, telling him that watching professional wrestling has the same value to me as closing my eyes and rubbing them really hard and really fast. You'll see fireworks in both cases, but neither is real or impressive. My friend remarked, "Wait! So-and-so is about to fight So-and-so!!"

I told him I had already seen it. I was right.