"As well as can be expected, I guess," I barely managed to say. It was the most I'd spoken in a long time.
**Words have left us all alone
And something's come between us
To turn the fire cold
Thoughts that chase you in the night
Silently the storm
The life from in your eyes
And I remain alone, no matter who
May try and take your place
Oh no**
He rubbed his hand over my back in a soothing motion, not pushing me to talk or do anything. "You know we all need to be here for each other, and that includes you. If you need anything, need a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to sit with you, don't be afraid to call, ok? Any of us."
I nodded as he squeezed by hand covered in black cloth. "Thanks Joey."
He smiled half-heartedly before he turned to walk away.
**And I'll remember you
The dreams we could have dreamed
The tears I should have seen
We use to say forever
But I'll remember you
Your pure and simple heart
Your shadows painted dark
I will always love you
I'll remember you**
I let out a loud sigh as I surveyed my surroundings. The birds continued to chirp in the trees, the wind still blew, rustling the leaves and making the grass sway with its gentle breeze. How could the world just go on when my seemed to end? My eyes moved up to the gray sky. It was dark and sullen, gloomy almost angry. I realized that that was the exact way I was feeling. Downhearted, dull, spiritless, heavy. Very much in contrast to how I felt just a short time ago. I was happy, cheerful, almost bubbly.
***Flashback*** "That tickles." I heard his soft giggle in my ear. The simple sound and the feel of his breath on my almost bare shoulders sent this wave of emotion over me. "Josh," I laughed as he continued. "I said that tickles." "So?" he said, a teasing tone underlining his voice. "So stop." I said between small laughs. "Not a chance." I turned my head to meet his. Looking in the blue pools of his eyes, I felt something I'd never known before. In this moment my life seemed complete. My world was perfect. ***End Flashback***
Who would have thought that just a few short days later, my whole world would be turned upside down, that everything I got out of bed in the morning would be gone in the blink of an eye.
**Summer rain to fallen snow
We knew that it would last
But there's no way to know
It's such a storm that's in the sky
Quietly will pass, quietly we'll cry
And here I stand
Alone with every promise melted through my hands**
I forced my eyes from the sky as I heard someone clear their throat behind me, making me aware of his presence. "Hey Justin."
"Hi."
Neither one of us spoke for a few short moments. So much emotion was running through both of us we weren't sure if either of us could verbalize it, or if we wanted to.
Without a word, he wrapped his strong arms around my frail frame. At first I resisted, but shortly after, I gave into him. I practically draped my body over his. Sobbing against his chest, I let everything that I was feeling go. I let out all of the pain, anger, and misery. All the confusion and all the questions that would now go permanently unanswered.
**I'll remember you
The dreams we could have dreamed
The tears I should have seen
We use to say forever
I'll remember you
Your pure and simple heart
Your shadows painted dark
I will always love you
I'll remember you
Oh and I remain alone, no matter who
May try and take your place**
I slowly pulled away a long while later. I looked up at him, giving him a thankful smile that said more than any amount of words could. "I'll leave you alone for a little while." I watched him walk away.
I dropped to my knees in the cold dewy grass. Removing one of my black gloves, I slowly moved my shaky, unsteady hand towards the cool gray stone. The first of fresh set of tears made its way to my cheek, stinging against my warm skin. My fingertips traced over the letters of his name.
Husband, Son, Brother.
I cried aloud as the harsh reality hit me that 'Father' would soon be added to that list. But he'll never even know. Or will he? Is he up there looking down at me, making sure that I'm doing ok? He always said that he'd look after me, no matter what. And it gave me some comfort to that it could be true.
I brought my fingers to my lips, placing a soft kiss on the end, then pressed them against the cold material of his stone. "Happy Birthday Josh. I love you," I whispered out loud.
** I'll remember you
The dreams we could have dreamed
The tears I should have seen
We use to say forever
I'll remember you
Your pure and simple heart
Your shadows painted dark
I will always love you
I'll remember you**
As I walked away, I rested my hand on my bulging stomach. It was so hard to believe that seven months ago, we were together, creating this miracle that was growing inside me. And now...
I wiped the tears from my cheeks.
Now he was gone. My life, my soul, my reason for living was gone.
My world was torn apart and my heart shattered, all because one guy thought that after only six beers he was ok to drive. He was wrong. He not only killed my husband that night, but me as well. Yes, I was still alive, but I felt dead. Inside I *was* dead. Numb to the world. Numb to any emotion that wasn't connected to pain in some way. Numb to pretty much everything.
My life was taken from me because of a six pack of beer and a bad judgement call. I hope he asks himself everyday, "Was it worth it?"
