...and now it is time to, perhaps, begin. I believe the tale has finally whipped around to the point of origin. So here are the qwik facts to know: I am the blonde in one of my increasinly less frequent drunken stupors. To me, grammar and spelling were fun all the way up to fourth grade(the gentrification of language is still a passion however). AND FINALLY...I am not journaling...'tis simple expression... Feel free to email and ask when I'm autobio and when I'm abstracting myself..hell I may even answer.
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3-18-98
'Tis 6 am and I'm not tired again. Let's see, for St Pat's I slept..missed the entire occassion. What can I say, it's a talent. Lately, I've been uninvolved with planet earth and its social confusion. Methinks my tumbles of depression are coming to a small close being that I'm almost ready to re enter the scene. I stared blankly at the movie Scream and thought about the whole idea of a movie within a movie and the great Shakespearian take-off of a line from Billy("Everything is one big movie.."). Ya know, it's funny how the movie takes the stance of "fuggit!" to reality...It isolates one small town of high school kids and says look what CAN happen in a comfy place..are you safe? Pretty right on with our little drug culture I'd say...Carpe Diem, but don't get "carped."
So, life continues...For your information: I live in a church, go to school(just not classes-which is gonna change?!?!) in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, my dad's a priest in Troy, my mother's absolutely insane(which is why I love her, nervous about me as she is) and my sis is a chemical engineer married to one Garret and had my lovely niece Sarah Ann a few years back. All of these people and more seem to worry every five minutes about me. BUT I'm ok..just a confused kid who wants everything without any hassle, but I want the hassle included on my resume. SLACK ASS!! Sometimes I feel that stamped on my head.
Today, I think I'll go to class, beg for forgiveness, come home, stare at my roomies staring at soap operas, and eventually hop back on line...sounds like a plan..of course, this is my plan everyday...The big question in my head is this: What do I wanna be when I grow up? So far all I can figger out is 12 inches-and that's a lie! I do know that the way I view life ends to be different from most cats I encounter. Some cats wanna survive and claim that that's all. Some folks wanna be the next big wave in whatever they're doing. Some tweekers think they're of genius callibre(thank you Corgan!). Me, I simply wanna point out to anyone and everyone that they don't know jack...myself included...that's my long term goal. I mean, yeah you should try to understand, but I don't know a single soul that trully does get the picture...hehe gettin preachy over here. Here's a little request though..if my tune starts to change about human or personal knowledge, don't point it out. Chances are I figured that out. I'm very open to alternative thinking..ie alternative to me. Oh well, tonight or later today will begin the non intro phase..so come back or STAY BACK!!! hehe smoke a bowl first though, the next entry'll be a tad more on the abstract tip.
Blessed dark angelic red fiery eyes penetrate further into my breaking tiles called nerve endings. Touch me intensely again with flowery scents of doom. Lie to me when the truth can not be and tell me no more false oricles of destiny-Today, my deadened soul is alive...wish me luck!
3-19-98
Time dripped yesterday...(oh and no-Im not gonna get wacky)went to the land of School and sat..sat some more.. and got up...left..went to another place...sat...then I gave up and simply smoked a little of purity's finest, played hacky sack with the bros...smoked more, came home, talked to Violetiii for a few and did HW!! 'Tis a sickness!! Nothing exciting is goin' on..guess I'll just keep waiting for the second coming and eat popcorn...
Ya know, too much friggin passive aggressiveness is friggin evil!!! I get tired of not actually disturbing anything and yet sublimely gettin the blame for it around my house. Chas, I saw a roach, could you get your stuff outta the common area...so I pick up my sunglasses and books...no FOOD!! NO ANYTHING WITH FOOD RESIDUE!!!!!!! Grrr..the crap pisses me off...I'm no angel and I'm probably not one of the chosen but man, I'm not the Lord of Flies either..oh well.
Later...
Motivation is bliss.
I often wonder how it is that I still breathe. How my body still manages to function. In everything else I take few steps
Oh, indeed, I am still growing, discovering new facets upon my facets, but, still, I have stopped. Perhaps stalled would e more befitting.
Sometimes, I look at my gifts and feel guilt...thorny guilt pangs. So much I am wasting, wasting away. I hide behind "slacker" and "underachiever"
to woo my pride...I call BULL ON THE FOOL!!! wrote a poem on freud's Monkey Theory today in anthropology...
bored yet?
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