DynaSlim
Tillie Stimson woke early one Sunday morning, made herself a cup of instant coffee and sat down in the living room in front of the television. As she scanned the channels with her remote, bypassing religious services and children's cartoons, she finally settled for an infomercial hosted by former soap opera actress, Cherie Blaine.
"Are you tired of counting calories and carbohydrates?" the aging actress asked the television audience. "Have you had enough of those point-system diets? Do you dread facing the treadmill or stepper that sits in the corner of your bedroom or family room?"
Please! Who wants to hear about exercising so early in the morning? Tillie thought as she considered going into the kitchen for a donut to dunk in her coffee.
"Well, I've got just the answer for you: DynaSlim."
Cherie Blaine picked up a bottle of blue pills and held it up to the camera.
"I'm sure you've all heard the promises made by other companies in the weight loss industry. You've been told you can eat whatever you like and still lose weight, that you can lose pounds and inches without dieting or exercising and that you will be able to lose the fat and keep it off. Am I right? Why, some manufacturers even promise that if you buy their products, you can shed those unwanted pounds while you sleep."
"I'll buy that one," Tillie Stimson joked as she opened the bakery box and took out a powdered jelly donut.
"For decades, the health and fitness market has been inundated with protein drinks, fat-burning capsules, metabolism boosters and appetite suppressants. Doctors, nutritionists, personal trainers, bodybuilders and celebrities continually tout their favorite weight-loss plans, exercise programs, diet supplements and cookbooks. Some companies have gone the extra mile by selling prepackaged foods that make it easier for you to eat healthy, nutritious meals—provided you have the necessary willpower not to cheat and are willing to pay the high price for these products."
As the camera panned to a group of slender men and women in bathing suits, Tillie Stimson wondered why she was watching the infomercial. Like many middle-aged women, she had spent years battling a weight problem, and more often than not, the pounds were the victors.
"DynaSlim," Cherie continued, "manufactured by DynaMore, is a new product on the market that is guaranteed to fulfill those promises. Yes, you heard me right. DynaSlim is guaranteed to work. Every one of these people on the stage behind me has lost in excess of one hundred pounds using DynaSlim. Furthermore, they made no change in their eating habits and did not spend hours at a gym or on an exercise bike."
A series of testimonials accompanied by before-and-after photographs appeared on screen, and one-on-one interviews attested to the product's successful results.
"DynaMore is so confident that it can help you achieve your weight loss goals that it is willing to offer a complimentary three-month trial supply of DynaSlim. That's right. You get a three-month supply of these amazing blue pills for free. The company will even pay the shipping costs. Just call the eight hundred number at the bottom of the screen or go to our website, dynamore.com, to receive your free trial supply."
The camera moved in for a close-up of Cherie Blaine's smile, as she held the bottle of DynaSlim only inches away from her face.
"Go ahead and call today," the actress urged. "What have you got to lose except the fat?"
Tillie Stimson licked the raspberry jelly off her fingers and picked up the pencil she kept inside a crossword puzzle book on her coffee table. On the back of the magazine, she quickly jotted down the eight hundred number.
I might as well give it a try, she decided although she did not have much faith in the new product. It probably won't work, but at least it won't cost me anything.
Most people who had bothered to watch the Sunday morning infomercial scoffed at the idea. Losing weight without dieting and exercising was nothing but a pipe dream. They subscribed to the adage, "no pain, no gain." However, there were a few viewers, like Tillie Stimson, who actually believed they could shed pounds while sitting down in front of their television sets and consuming innumerable calories—or at least they dared hope they could. These people, gullible enough to try any new diet product on the market, called the toll-free number for the complimentary trial supply.
They were not disappointed. To everyone's surprise, DynaSlim worked far beyond anyone's wildest expectations. In just a few short weeks, those people who tried the little blue pills achieved their ideal body weights without dieting and without hitting the gym. Furthermore, by taking just one DynaSlim maintenance capsule each day, they were able to keep the pounds off regardless of what or how much they ate.
Tillie Stimson was overjoyed. For the first time since she was in high school, her weight was below one hundred and forty pounds. In just six weeks, she had lost more than fifty pounds and had not given up a single donut, dish of ice cream, cupcake or candy bar to do so!
* * *
Word of DynaSlim's miraculous results spread quickly. In less than a year's time, millions of grateful, previously overweight people were shedding pounds while eating the foods they enjoyed and without sweating, even while they slept—all thanks to DynaSlim.
Given the great success of its weight loss product, it was no wonder that when DynaMore announced its new concept in skin care, the world was no longer so skeptical. On the contrary, practically every man and woman near or over the age of forty rushed to the nearest DynaMore outlet, which, like Payless Shoes, Victoria's Secret, Spencer's, Hot Topic and Verizon kiosks, seemed to be found in every shopping mall across America. Often referred to as "a fountain of youth in a little yellow pill," DynaSkin eliminated fine lines and wrinkles, thus making people appear years younger.
Teenagers and adolescents—although they had no need for its rejuvenating powers—discovered that no other product was as effective as DynaSkin at curing acne and preventing those embarrassing blemishes. People who suffered from psoriasis, eczema, rosacea and other skin disorders also found DynaMore's new product a godsend.
Thanks to these two products, both of which were understandably high in demand, the previously unknown DynaMore moved onto the list of the top ten Fortune 500 companies, and their achievements did not end there.
Phoenicia Stone, who looked more like a cover girl than a highly successful business executive, was the founder, president and CEO of DynaMore. Phoenicia, tall, statuesque, elegant and beautiful, projected the perfect image for her company, so much so that she personally appeared on television commercials, along with company spokeswoman Cherie Blaine to advertise its new line of low-priced cosmetics.
"All of DynaMetic's powders, lotions, soaps, body washes and creams," Phoenicia proudly told the former soap opera star during the latest infomercial, "none of which are tested on animals, are made of all-natural ingredients and are available in most stores at affordable prices."
"That's wonderful!" Cherie Blaine exclaimed. "As an animal lover and member of PETA, I respect your company's position on animal testing. What I also like about your new fragrances is that, unlike most artificial scents that are overpowering at first and then quickly fade away as the day wears on, DynaMetic's all-natural aromas, such as Cinnamon Apple, Juicy Ginger, Candy Cloves and other herb and spice inspired smells, are long-lasting."
"Yes, Cherie," Phoenicia agreed. "Furthermore, they have been proven to have significant aroma-therapeutic value as well."
After the introduction of its DynaMetic line of products, Phoenicia Stone's DynaMore found itself second only to Walmart in annual sales revenues, and it was about to leave Sam Walton's worldwide retail chain in the dust with the release of yet another phenomenal product.
Inexpensive, nonprescription, non-habit forming DynaMood was a powerful antidepressant medication that also reduced stress, relieved anxiety and had a calming effect on those people prone to being hyperactive. In effect, DynaMood's little red pills guaranteed complete emotional stability with none of those nasty side effects that accompanied the more traditional prescription drugs.
With the advent of DynaMood, there was no longer any need for people to undergo psychoanalysis or use MAOIs. Illegal drug use and alcohol abuse plummeted to an all-time low and then became, for all intents and purposes, nonexistent. Thanks to DynaMood, man could finally be at peace with himself and the world around him and not pollute his body with drugs, whether they be prescribed by a doctor or purchased illegally.
* * *
DynaMore had indeed made an impact on modern society. An estimated seventy-seven percent of the world's population over the age of thirteen took its daily dose of DynaSlim, DynaSkin and DynaMood and bathed with DynaMetic soaps and shampoos before applying DynaMetic deodorants and colognes. Nearly every medicine cabinet in the free world contained several bottles of DynaMore's blue, yellow and red pills.
DynaMore's greatest achievement, however, was yet to come: a medical breakthrough that would have more of an impact on mankind than the discovery of fire and the invention of the automobile, the telephone and the microchip combined.
DynaMed was, without a doubt, the most unprecedented development in medical history. This all-natural preventative remedy eliminated AIDS, Alzheimer's disease, cancer, heart disease and virtually every life-threatening or debilitating illness known to man.
DynaMore's astounding discoveries not only affected the everyday lives of people, but they also had a major impact on the world's economy. Since the day DynaSlim gained a monopoly on the weight-loss market, thousands of businesses failed. Quite understandably, the health and fitness industry was the first one to go "belly up." Treadmills, bicycles, weight lifting apparatus, steppers and rowing machines became obsolete. Due to declining memberships, gyms and health clubs were forced to close their doors. Slimfast, Healthy Choice, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers and South Beach diet foods and beverages disappeared from grocery, department store and pharmacy shelves.
The hardest hit by the success of DynaMore's products, however, were the pharmaceutical companies and members of the medical profession. Although people still consulted doctors and went to hospitals for broken bones, cuts, abrasions and other accidental injuries, a vast number of medications, antibiotics, vaccines and other remedies were no longer needed. Many hospitals either closed or drastically downsized, and countless doctors, with the exception of obstetricians and plastic surgeons, had to take in their shingles and seek employment in other fields.
Yet despite these losses, the world's economy—based on the time-honored concept of supply and demand—actually flourished. People who no longer had to worry about weight gain consumed food at an alarming rate. In order to keep up with the increasing demand for meat, fruits, vegetables and dairy products, land developers—in complete contrast to past trends—tore down strip malls and office buildings to reclaim the valuable farmland beneath. Ironically, the state of New Jersey eventually became the Garden State it had long proclaimed itself to be.
Furthermore, since DynaSlim maintained body weight so effectively, people began to over-indulge in the high-calorie and high-fat foods that they had previously avoided. Chocolate sales, in particular, climbed so high that the Hershey Corporation was soon competing with Exxon Mobil for its spot on the Fortune 500 list.
The tobacco industry also experienced an unexpected boon. Cigarette sales, which had been steadily decreasing in prior years, did a complete turnabout after the release of DynaMed. And when Phoenicia Stone and Cherie Blaine introduced the new DynaSmoke mesquite and hickory flavored cigarettes, chain-smoking became an accepted social practice. After all, there was no longer any danger of heart disease, lung cancer or emphysema, so why not light up?
Clothing sales, too, skyrocketed. Women like Tillie Stimson who before they discovered DynaSlim bought plus size clothes from Roman's catalog or at Kmart's blue light specials were now spending vast sums of money on high-priced fashions that complimented their new trimmer figures. Stretch pants and sweatshirts were out and tight-fitting designer jeans and slinky, shape-hugging dresses were in. Along with clothing, the sales of shoes, lingerie, jewelry and other accessories increased proportionately.
Furthermore, once people began to look and feel years younger, entertainment of every sort gained wider popularity. People flocked to art galleries, museums, theaters, sports arenas, concert halls and amusement parks. Couples were no longer content to simply stay at home watching television every night. Trendy restaurants, in particular, became the hottest spots in town, and entrepreneurs were continuously competing with each other to offer the latest in dining pleasure.
* * *
Phoenicia Stone sat in the driver's seat of her classic 2003 Ferrari Enzo Coupe, waiting for the traffic signal to change. As she looked out the dark-tinted windows at the pedestrians hurrying along the crowded city street, she admired their lean bodies and smooth, flawless skin that glowed with good health, which in all probability, were due to DynaMore. It amused the elegant businesswoman to think that just a few short years ago she had been a mere waitress working her way through culinary arts school. Today she is the head of the most successful corporation on earth.
The light finally turned green, and Phoenicia continued on her way, passing Planet Hollywood on the left.
She smiled at the sight of the well-known, celebrity-owned eatery and thought with amusement, Move over, Bruce, Sly, Demi and Arnold, and make room for me. Once I open my restaurant, I'll bury the competition!
When Phoenicia Stone arrived at her posh corporate offices, she was introduced by her human resources director to a tall, handsome, extremely muscular young man who was applying for a job in DynaMore's marketing department. Phoenicia keenly appraised the modern-day Adonis.
Not an ounce of fat on him!
The CEO shamelessly imagined him without his three-piece suit, envisioning mouth-watering six-pack abs beneath his button-down shirt.
Smiling seductively, she suggested to him, "I was just about to make an important phone call, but it won't take long. Perhaps afterward you'd care to join me for lunch."
The young Adonis could not believe his good fortune and accepted her luncheon invitation with alacrity.
"Why don't you come upstairs with me?" Phoenicia suggested. "I have a private lounge where I sometimes go to relax. You can wait there if you'd like."
As the two physically perfect human specimens rode the scenic glass elevator to the top floor of the skyscraper, Adonis stared open-mouthed at the dazzling view of the city beneath him.
When the elevator came to a stop, Phoenicia stepped out and unlocked the door to the lounge, which contained everything from a sauna to a Jacuzzi, and suggested the muscular young man try the tanning booth.
"There is a changing room behind that door. I'm sure you can find a towel that fits you," she said with a seductive laugh and apparently no fear of sexual harassment charges being brought against her.
In the privacy of her office, Phoenicia paced the floor, waiting for her call to go through. These long distance connections took so long! Finally, she made contact.
"This is Phoenicia Stone calling. I'm pleased to announce that everything is ready to go. The new restaurant will open next week as planned," she assured the advertising genius at the other end of the line. "The cuisine will be a unique combination of American, Chinese, Indian, Italian, French, Japanese and Mexican—basically a potpourri of ethnic dishes. We will offer something for everyone. Oh, and don't forget to stress in the ads that all our entrees are low in fat."
She stopped speaking and listened as the ad man spoke.
"The name?" she repeated his question.
During her years of planning and preparation, she had never given thought to what she would call the establishment. Then she remembered the restaurants she had passed on her way to the office that morning.
She suggested with a laugh, "Why don't we just call it Planet Earth?"
Phoenicia then signed off, knowing that within days thousands of ships full of ravenous patrons from her own planet would be landing, all eager to sample Homo sapiens.
Suddenly her stomach growled, and she realized she was getting hungry. Phoenicia walked into the lounge and checked inside the tanning booth. Young Adonis was slightly charred. The ginger seasoning in his DynaMetics aftershave and the mesquite tenderizer in his DynaSmoke cigarettes made Phoenicia's mouth water.
Mmmm!
Hungry as she was, however, she decided to leave young Adonis broil a while longer. She had, after all, always preferred her meat well done.
Salem loves the idea of losing weight without having to exercise or give up his Godiva chocolates.
