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Welcome to The World According To Delvin! This is your one stop destination for all sports related information and opinions by yours truly. I cover everything from international, national, and local sports!

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Cracking The Case: Tom Benson & The Mercedes-Benz Superdome

Now, I know this isn’t the newest of news, but the beloved Superdome has a new name and owner. The Louisiana Superdome is now the Mercedes-Benz Superdome. How about all those pretty, flashy lights? Beyond those expensive lights, there is something awfully fishy and damn confusing about the whole deal. I’m here to break it down.

According to my resources, Mercedes-Benz is a car company, and Tom Benson owns a whole bunch of car lots. I find that to be a strange coincidence.

Here is my theory:

...

TOM BENSON IS THE “BENZ” IN MERCEDES-BENZ!!!!

Think about it, people! It’s all in the name: Benson…Benz. It’s obviously his nickname! I bet all of his buddies down at the senior citizen home call him “Benz”. But wait! There’s more to this.

Not only does he own the team, he now owns the stadium that they play in. Why else would Tom Benzon (Saw what I did there?) want the Mercedes-Benson name on the stadium that houses his NFL franchise? It’s quite simple:

...

WORLD DOMINATION!!!

So, what’s his next move? Personally, I think he’s gonna murder the mayor and take over the city of New Orleans. After that, I see him focusing on the state of Louisiana, and then, the entire damn country! From there, he will ignite his plans of global dominance! In fact, it’s already taking shape! Let me explain:

The Superdome isn’t the only sports venue owned by Mercedes-Benson. Where are the others? My resources led me in the direction of two Mercedes-Benz Arenas. One located in Stuttgart, Germany, and another one in Shanghai, China. This is where the seeds of worldwide supremacy have been planted!

This raises the question of alerting the US Government. Should this be immediately revealed to the government? I think so! WAKE UP OBAMA!! Put down the basketball and your Blackberry, and put your presidential finger on the “red button”! Get on this case before it’s too late!

This leads me to the next phase of my investigation:

Just WHO or WHAT in the hell is "Mercedes" ??? And what does this "Mercedes" have to do with Tom Benson/Benzon's "Final Solution"?! This is far from over, sports fans!

Happy Holidays,

D. Merriweather <3

Last updated: Wednesday December 21st, 2011 10:57pm

Dream Matchup:

New Orleans Saints -vs- Tulane Green Wave

This would, no doubt, be the clash of the champions. Two monster teams facing each other in the Mercedez-Benz Superdome. Did you know that both of these teams play in the Mercedez-Benz Superdome? Like, what if they both have games on the same day? In my professional opinion, I'm guessing they would just do a coin toss to see what team plays first. But still...that's gotta be confusing! Lets take a look at how these two teams match-up:

The New Orleans Saints:

Offense: They possess an explosive offense. I'm talking really explosive. Explosive like when I get the coffee shits.

Defense: Two seasons ago, Jim Finks hired a middle-aged lesbian to be their defensive coordinator, and it proved to be a worthy acquisition. Their defense can be just plumb ferocious, sometimes. After further research, I have come to the conclusion that being a lesbian has nothing to do with having a good defense.

Special Teams: Any team thats as good as the Saints, should be considered special.

Tulane Green Wave:

Offense: Their players are so tiny and fragile! Shaun Rogers would probably just gobble up all those little kids by himself! I swear...homeboy has the appetite of a dinosaur!

Defense: If the Green Wave defense can stop the Saints from scoring in all offensive aspects, the Green Wave might have a chance at winning this game.

Special Teams: Hell! More like special needs...

Ok. So, this might not be the dream match that I thought it would be, when I starting writing this entry. I was hoping for a "Hulk Hogan vs The Rock" type dream match. But hey! At least my research was spot on.

In closing; I must ask you my dear readers. Just what in the blue hell is a GREEN WAVE, anyway?! Just the thought of that is damn gross!

Warmest Regards,

-Delvin Merriweather

Last updated: Wednesday December 21st, 2011 10:57pm

Is there a player in the NFL more marketable than Cam Newton? I mean, just think of all the possibilities!

-Fig Newtons

(I mean c’mon! This here is a no-brainer! I’d prefer a peach filling, myself…)

-Cam’s Cameras by: Canon

(Hell, if that no-good degenerate, Ashton Kutcher can sell cameras, why can’t Cam?)

-Cam’s Camisoles

(Women would just LOVE to sport a cute little camisole with Cam Newton’s signature on it. Umm…are you reading this, Victoria’s Secret?!)

-CAMoflauge

(Get it?! Saw what I did there? Yup! Just another genius idear from this Fayetteville native!)

-Camping With Cam (CAMpground?)

(Like…once a month, they could choose some ugly, homeless lady or a fat kid with the retard disease to go out camping with Cam Newton at a fancy campground of his choice. Maybe those pink ribbon people could sponsor it.)

**I was trying to think of something to do with Cambodia, but, I don’t even know where that is or what even goes on over there.**

Oh hell, if nothing else, he could just sell toothpaste with that 22 million dollar smile of his! :-)

-Delvin Merriweather

***No relation to Cam Newton, but Cammy from Street Fighter was one bad BITCH! Mmm!***

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