Totally Given Up
Mood:  down
I get it...nothing is going to change no matter what I do.  OK then.  No amount of positive thingking or cheer leading friends is gonna do.  Just want to be alone to come to terms with the disappointment of my life.  At least if I did not try, I couldn't be disppointed.  I think I will just be alone to come to terms with the fact that there is no love for me except platonic love, which just doesn't cut it.

Windmills of Your Mind - Jose Feliciano
Mood:  not sure
Topic: Lyrics

Tad says this is just a "bong song", but it frickin mesmerizes me.  It's so melancholy when he sings it too.  Like he's trying to figure it out, but makes no progress...yeah, buddy...I get it. 

Round like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever-spinning reel

Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnival balloon
Like a caroussel that's turning
Running rings around the moon

Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes of its face
And the world is like an apple
Twirling silently in space

Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Like a tunnel that you follow
To a tunnel of its own
Down a hollow to cavern
Where the sun has never shone

Like a door that keeps revolving
In a half forgotten dream
Like the ripples from a pebble
Someone tosses in a stream

Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes of its face
And the world is like an apple
Twirling silently in space

Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Keys that jingle in your pocket
Words that jangle in your head
Why did summer go so quickly?
Was it something that you said?

Lovers walk along the shore
Leave their footprints in the sand
Is the sound of distant drumming
Just the fingers of your hand?

Pictures hanging in the hallway
And the fragment of a song
Half remembered names and face
But to whom do they belong?

Once you knew that it was over
You were suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the colour of her hair

Round, like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beghinning
On an ever-spinning reel

As images unwind
Like the circle that you find
In the windmills of your mind

In the windmills of your mind
In the windmills of your mind

I trust God's Grace in All Things
Mood:  down
Topic: Affirmations
Here's the first blog entry.  After 23+ days of Wellbutrin and Toxonix, yesterday I flat out hit the bootom again.  I feel like such a failure for my inability to meet my own needs as a woman.  I was reading the happy book, and came across the affirmation above.  Has to do with surrender.  Maybe I never really surrendered.  It would be easier if I were an alcoholic, because then I could just surrender every day.  It's easy to say I surrender to alcohol. How do you say I surrender to the shitty and meaningless life I have provided for myself?  Nonetheless...I haven't explored surrender much, so here goes...