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So very miniscule the change, but at that very millisecond, the universe, changed forever, the moment each one of us is born. A story is created, and with every decision we make, we begin to impact the very world around us. Just one of two billion it is not a rare occasion, but it is not to go unnoticed. This was the beginning of my story.
We all seek shelter, whether it is from the elements, from your fears, or from the real world, we all hide. Some stow away within their very minds, and some stow away on the shoulders of others, parasites forcing others to bear their burdens. I, as a child, was a parasite. The difference between the leach and I is that the leach performs a task. The dark blue flesh of the leach bears itself in the threads of my life, as a reminder. It forces me to not depend on people, for I am sure to destroy them and my self.
When a moth is assisted out of its cocoon, where does it find the strength to fly? Life is a struggle, and if you are not exposed to it from the beginning, you have a debt to pay. My debt was that on anxiety. The sheltered life I once lived left me with a harsh realization of reality. I was dumbfounded, similarly to Buddha. I relapsed into anxiety. It was not that I was any more fearful then you. It was something much worse- fear was present almost always. When I closed my eyes, I saw my terrors vividly. I speak of true terrors, worse then any monster in a closet. I saw the deaths of my loved ones, incarnate in a figure with the power to take them. I saw the destruction of my very haven. Still to this day the splintering orange of the flame and the glazed black in the very eyes of death weave their way throughout the cavalcade of color in my life. I swear to never be a victim.
One of the largest changes in my active life is one that brought my threads to weave into your very own loom, and impact your life from this very day forth, one that brought me to Cab Calloway School of the Arts. In truth, I owe this to an old friend of mine, Jonah Green. It could just change my entire career path, and my quality of life. With this, the colors purple and black are suffused across my tapestry. They teach me to be proud of the creative and strange person I am.
An experience that most my age do not get, a relationship with actual meaning. Call it what you wish, it found a way to endure the test of time. For the most part, it made my life better. Ultimately, it made me who I am today. When what started out as a curious fondness turned into a very big deal, with it came very big difficulties, and very big drama. As it rounded to a closing, it went from “generally good” to constant bitterness and fighting. Fourteen months is a long time to have someone in your life. It makes it confusing for you when you have to move on, and it leaves its mark on you. I will carry that mark always, hidden from view. It in a sense, took a toll on me. For to this day, I feel incapable of complete trust. It is the mark of luscious blues winding into the drabbest of grays.
In the long run, life is but a tapestry on strings- burdens and memories that follow us everywhere. They can be horrifying, or beautiful, it doesn’t change that they’re always there, like a reflection of your former self. Sometimes, you may be downed so much, you hate what you see. Life goes on despite the worse things imaginable, and so will the lives of those around us. For we have changed they’re tapestries as well. We are but strings to others.
These strings are but the bars to my cage and the wind beneath my very wings, and I we are both changed by their presence. Dark blue, like the flesh of the leach, keeps me holding myself up. The searing oranges and glimmering blacks, like that of fire and death, keep me on my toes, for disaster is but unpredictable. Glorious black and purple, the colors of Cab Calloway, remind me that as a Cabby, I’m only as strange as I’m not acting, and that being me is the only way to remain myself. Bright blues winding into saddening grays reminds me that nothing can truly last the test of time, and that complete trust, just isn’t my nature. These are the colors of my tapestry, and both you, and I, will keep these in history with us, forever. |
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