Man #1 --- Winston
Man #2 --- Tristan
Man #3 --- Remington
Man #4 --- Bartholomew
Maid ------ Lindsay
Tristan: Winston, What a smashingly good hand you have there. [grabs Winston’s actual hand]
Winston: Not now. [Clearly showing some embarrassment] Please forgive my manners gentlemen. I dare say, I do believe I have forgotten to introduce my dear old friend here, Tristan. Tristan, there are my poker mates, Remington and Bartholomew.
Remington: [shakes hands with Remington] How are you this evening?
Tristan: I’m simply super dear. Why, what soft hands you have! Perhaps even more so than dear Winston’s here [chuckles].
Winston: Tristan, pleasseeeee.
[Men play a hand of poker. Remington and Bartholomew are uncomfortable with Tristan’s constant touching and stoking, though not inappropriately, to Winston. Lindsay, the maid, is in the background preparing the men’s drinks. She, clearly seeing all of this, is getting visibly angrier with every touch Tristan makes on Winston. Lindsay then brings over the drinks.]
Lindsay: Sir Winston, may I have a moment with you in the parlor? There seems to be a [looks at Tristan] problem.
Winston: Oh my, Lindsay, you gave me a fright! I hadn’t seen you come in. Gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me. [Winston gets up to leave, Tristan sits down in the vacant chair, crosses his legs, and begins biting his nails.]
[The three men are sitting around the table, no one speaks. Everyone makes awkward shifts and adjustments, portraying how uncomfortable they all feel with each other. After about 30 seconds, all three men freeze.]
[Out in “the parlor” Winston and Lindsay, who had been frozen with their backs turned, unfreeze and turn back.]
Lindsay: What is all this poppycock?!
Winston: I apologize, but I am afraid I am not aware what in heaven’s name you’re talking about!
Lindsay: Oh I think you’re well aware!
Winston: Ah well…you didn’t really think that…well think that we were going to actually get…well you know…married, did you?!
Lindsay: I…well…yes…
Winston: Oh dear. It would seem that our multiple, rather kinky, yet quite enjoyable “sexual encounters” have led you to believe that our relationship may lead to something more…ring shaped…?
Lindsay: Are you saying….?
Winston: It was 100%, entirely, unequivocally, irrefutably for the sex. I am sorry if this was a misunderstanding. [awkwardly pats Lindsay on shoulder] Cheerio! [returns back to poker room]
[Lindsay is left, mouth agape. Follows Winston back into poker room.]
Winston: I hope you'll excuse my absence, gentlemen- just a minor little problem.
Remington: Quite alright.
Tristan: Although- we did quite miss you.
Winston: Oh, uh, gentlemen would you care for drinks? Miss Lindsay?
Lindsay: [coldly] Yes?
Winston: Would be so kind as to prepare drinks for these [smiles at Tristan] fine gentlemen? The usual, please.
Lindsay: Why, yes.
[During conversation - Lindsay pulls out bottles, prepares drinks, puts them on tray. Visibly pulls out a different bottle, drips some into a cup she's put aside.]
Bartholemew: Tristan, why don't you join us in a hand?
Tristan: I'm quite comfortable right here, thank you- I prefer helping Winston with this hand, from behind.
[Uncomforable silence]
Lindsay: Your drinks, gentlemen, and this one's for you, Tristan. I'm sure you'll love it.
Tristan:Oh, well, thank you.
[Some funny bit in which the drinks get switched around- Winston gets the poison drink. Takes a large gulp.]
Winston: Look at the time, gentlemen- we're almost late for the dinner party. Shall we adjourn?
Remington: Yes, quite.
Bartholemew: Indubitably.
[All leave room, Winston and Tristan last. Winston winces at his stomach.]
Tristan: Are you alright?
Winston: I'm sure I will be. [Winks, exits.]
[Dinner party. Guests are standing around, chatting. The four from before are standing front and center, chatting.]
Bartholemew: A smashing party, Winston, a splendid success. Everyone, a toast to Winston! May he live a long and gay - I mean happy - life!
All: [Cheer, drink.]
Winston: I'm feeling- uhhhhhhh [dies.]
Tristan: Oh, oh, my dear- he's DEAD!!
All: Gasp!
Remington: It must have been Bartholemew, with the poker chip, in the parlor!
Bartholemew: You dolt, you were there!
Remington: Oh, quite. Then who was it?
Lindsay: [Who was standing in the back. Did I forget to mention that? Oh, well, she was. Well, now, she drops the tray. Big CLANG] Ohhhh, it was me! With the poisoned drink, in the poker room!
Tristan: You....you....ahhh! [Runs out.]
