Okay, so this gets to be rather erratic, but that real life thing has a way of sneaking in there.

There are many people who discount online slavery.  But, as i've said before, for many of us, the emotions portrayed online are very real.  And for many of us it is our introduction to the whole idea of Master and slave.

For a brief time, all too brief, i was owned by one called Master Varyn`Irsei.  To this day i am unclear as to how that came to be, just one day Master Navarre informed me i was to be sold, and poof, i was.

Now, Master Varyn`Irsei asked me if i knew what it meant to be "open to the use of a man" and i said, yes.  He disagreed.  And to show me what that might mean, he set out some conditions for me.  For an unspecified period of time i was not to be touched.  Not in any figurative sense, online, as in no hugs from friendly slaves, not touched in any way.  He further said, that i was to do my best to avoid human contact in any physical way in real life.

He then said i was to serve, and serve well.  i was to write the most sensual and enticing and aching serves i had ever composed, and to really think about it, and he would be watching.

In that "Home" a slave signalled she was available for sexual use by kneeling in nadu (thighs open, palms up), or not available for sexual use, simply by kneeling in a tower position (thighs touching, hands palm down)  So Masters knew which slaves were available to serve their lusts and which were not.  If a girl knelt before a Master with her tighs splayed,and he demanded to take her she had no right to refuse.  It was just how that home was.

So, i served. And every serve became more achingly poignant than the last.  Each gesture, each move showed how the slave ached to be touched, but in the end she would kneel in tower, with her hands palm down.

One Master felt he would have pity on me and simply reached to caress my face.  The time i would go without touch was extended by Master Varyn`Irsei because of that merciful gesture.

Now, you can scoff if you like, and be as skeptical as you wish, but the truth is, i came to ache for a touch, a hug, a caress, and He would call me to kneel beside Him, or before Him, and he would touch other slaves, caress them, and my whole body ached for a simple touch from him.

This went on for some time.  After the incident where a Master touched me, a white stripe was painted across my eyes to indicate to all that i was untouchable.  And to remind me of it as well. 

It seemed like forever, untill i trembled in anticipation of being touched...particularly by Him.  Not only did my skin crave that touch, but every fiber of my being, my heart, my soul ached for just that...one simple touch...from HIM.

Then, one day he called me to Him in channel.  i went as gracefully and as beautifully as i could, with every nerve stretched taut, aching for His hand, my heart pounded wildly beneath the cage of my ribs.

And....he simply reached out a hand and layed it gently to my cheek, cupping it, caressing it and i wept.  But you see, i wept not just online, i wept at the keyboard. For that touch resonated though me in a most profound way.

i learned what it meant to absolutely ache and breathe and need the touch of a Master. 

Now, it is rare that this happens, but when it does...count yourself lucky...you will never be the same.

i had to have some distance from what had happened between my Mistress and i and what better place to get that distance than to disappear into Gor.

Off to Silk and Steel i went.  It was packed.  There was so much going on i couldn't keep track of it.  And then a Master grabbed me and dragged me to his furs.  i had no idea what was going on.  He shouted at me, "SULA!" and i had NO idea what that meant, but i'd seen all the slaves bustling about serving things so i fixed him a salad. (i thought, sula...salad?)  He was not amused. 

After being thoroughly ridiculed, the Master forced me into various positions.  My heart hammered in my ears.  These were Men.  Loud, rude, unapologetic, scary, and very exciting. 

A Master named Liam talked to me and used binding fiber to carry me off to another network (austnet) and dump me at the feet of Master Bog in a channel called Kajira Gardens.  I don't remember what name i was given, but i became slave{KG}

i was told i would be trained, and that i was expected to learn quickly.

There were some wonderful Masters in KG.  One in particular, Darkholm, was patient, firm, scary as all get out, and he took an interest in teaching me how things were.  Another was Master Collector.  Master Bog himself, was not a bad teacher, and there were the other slaves as well. 

Master Darkholm grabbed me by my hair, early on in my stay at KG and pressed His hand to my belly. 

"What are you girl?"  he asked

And this was the first time i understood what they meant by "slave belly".  My whole body tightened. 

"Slave."  i whispered to him.

He tightened his grip.

i can't begin to describe the feelings that roiled through my body.  i was scared, thrilled, excited, heated, and every cell in my body ached to please that Master. 

He drew my face to His and asked, softly.  "And what am *I* girl?"  and of course the only thing i could answer was, "Master!" 

 Again, there are those who simply feel nothing when they "play" online.  And i guess i say, "to each their own" but when i say, "my body was shaking" that's exactly what was happening on my side of the keyboard.  i am one that feels every emotion that she describes. 

And it was in KG that i learned that it is a slave girl's function to be pleasing.  I cried, i railed, i struggled, i wept, and under the guidance of these Men i became what i claimed to be....a slave.

Mood:  amorous

Was talking with a Master last night and he said he'd read the blog, and that always surprises me.  milovane often feels like she's just sort of randomly writing in a void....like space or something. 

He asked milovane about her journey, into slavery.  It's kind of a big question. 

As a child i was always the one that was "captured" and tied up.  Looking back it seems i often sort of instigated this action.  That it was something that satisfied me in an amophous sort of way. 

Fast forward....quite a few years....and the first PC arrives on my desktop.  milovane discovered irc and chatting, and there, on dalnet, was a channel called #submission. 

Upon entering i was informed that you were either a sub or a Dominant.  i didn't hesitate, and said, oh, not a Dominant, very much submissive.  And it was there, online, that i began to seriously explore that side of me.

i was known then as wolfsine.  There were many lovely people that frequented that channel, and i soon learned that people actually *did* this.  They had relationships based on Dominance and submission! 

wolfsine was given as a birthday gift to a Mistress, Elle.  This will come as a surprise to many people.  milovane is not bi, and honestly not interested in women, sexually, but as a slave i felt you would not have much say in the matter, so i became wolfsine{E}.  my Mistress was someone who lived the D/s lifestyle in real life.  She was amazing and guided me with great skill and a fierce spirit into realizing that i truly was very much most at ease and happiest when i was serving and being pleasing. 

and then, i was released.

While many might find online slavery to be a petty and small thing, let me tell you the emotional consequences were very real.  i was released because (sigh) i had lied to her.  Even now i hate to say it.  The trust was broken.  She would have nothing more to do with me.  i was devastated.

Now, many people on #Submission talked about "Gor", and mostly not in very flaterring terms.  They particularly disliked a place called #silk and steel (i don't remember the exact spelling)  and in my anger (mostly at myself) and despair i thought i could hide there for a bit.  So, off i went.

Tomorrow....wolfsine learns about Gor

Mood:  lazy

You should probably NOT slap a channel owner upon entering the room.  (OK, i thought He was a bot!)

the Free should not involve themselves in slave squabbles.  It just makes the slaves feel they are important enough to meddle in the day to day affairs of the free.  Gor has a natural heirarchy.  The strong survive.  The strongest slave is often First Girl. 

Don't mess with First Girls.  I was a First Girl and didn't like it.

Sometimes one you think couldn't be a "Master" turns out to be one that is absolutely natural at it. (You know who you are.)

The art of role play on irc is a dying art.  No one wants to put the effort into it.  It's such a pity, because it's like writing a long serialized and sexy novel with a group of friends.  i miss role play.

Many do things online they'd NEVER do in their RL.  milovane won't do anything online that she wouldn't do in RL.  You can take from that what you will.

As always would love to hear from you.  There's a place to post your comments.  Let me know what you think?

Mood:  not sure

Hey, it's been a long time.  I thought I would never write here again. Too many people said they read it and that made me feel self concious.  But, here I am, because I need a place to kind of sort things out and think things through.  I do appreciate your comments, all of you.

First of all, Gorean slaves are to be pleasing.  That's our job description, if you will.  We are specifically to be pleasing to men.  So, if you find a kajira pleasing, it does not necessarily mean she's burning to have you collar.  She may burn to serve you, in the moment, because it is her nature to serve, to please, but she is not always thinking in terms of "maybe he'll collar me". 

I say this because of late there have been instances of Masters getting sort of carried away.  And after serving them they immediately assume I want their collar.  This is just not the case. 

To start talkng to a slave who is serving you in terms of collaring her that quickly makes it vey uneasy for the slave  She does not want to anger you, or displease you. 

If the slave has a channel collar, such as tLi, perhaps it is best to approach the owner of that channel and express your interest.  The owner will know what is best for that girl.  To place that burden on a slave who only seeks to please is in some ways, unfair. 

Or, perhaps you should wait till the slave *begs* your collar because she cannot imagine being without it. 

 So, what do you think? 

Let me know. 

Oh, and it's good to be back.

Mood:  don't ask

While many scoff at IRC in general, and IRC Gor in particular, the people that type the words are real people, with real problems, and real feelings, and real heartbreaks.

His name is actually irrelevant.  He's guilty of nothing.  He's guilty of being himself.  He had said, so long ago, when we met, online, that he wouldn't collar anyone to his personal collar that he couldn't have in his real life bed.  He said that.  

milovane said she would never meet anyone real life, ever again.  

So, you see, it's not his fault.  

But we chatted, we "played", he talked milovane into giving him her phone number.  We spent hours on the phone.  milovane felt safe, loved, protected, even if it was at a distance.  She came to trust Him.  

He *did* collar her, yes, with his personal collar.  She wasn't allowed to wear it where anyone would see it.  It would perhaps hurt other girl's feelings, or...perhaps "the one" would see that collar and then wouldn't allow him to approach, or she wouldn't approach him.  This slave told herself it was okay, it didn't matter, after all, she wasn't going to meet him real life, he'd set the perameters, she'd agreed.

Then he disappeared for a while.  milovane knew it was coming, he was moving.  He told her to travel, find someone else, and milovane did.  She came to the Inn, she met wonderful people, strong people, who truly cared about this one, and who wouldn't let her look away from herself, the bad and the good.  She begged and was granted the collar you see after her name, The Lara Inn, owned by Master Oryx.  

Then HE came back.  Pretty words, push the emotionaly buttons.  At one time even saying, "You know you belong to me, I have never relenquished my claim."  But, deep in this girl's heart she knew the truth.  She knew that she wasn't enough for him, but she took what crumbs he would scatter before her, like some emotionally starved sparrow.  

All the while she got to know Master Oryx, tovah, Master Mortai, Master Brinlarr, and Master Modred, none of whom would let milovane be anything other than she was.  And while they held up the mirror of herself, unflinchingly, milovane grew stronger, more sure of herself.  Or at least so she thought.

So now, he says, it's over...oh, he wants to see this one, visit, "always be friends" ...that sort of thing.  This while i see him for hours with another of my friends...who also will never meet him real life...but that''s okay.  

So, why does it hurt?  Why am i sitting here crying like an idiot?  Can anyone explain this to me?  Why?

Mood:  cheeky

* milovane{tLi} is so disgusted with some of the people on Gor it's enough to make her want to move to a different planet
* milovane{tLi} laughs
<babyvixen> You are on another planet. It's called Earth :P
* milovane{tLi} thinks a slave's serve has been reduced to kitchen help, it's *all* about the dishes, wash your hands *filthy beast*...wash the dishes....wash the counters...clean up and put things in refuse bins for gawds sake...it's about as sensual as getting waited on at a brooklyn diner
* babyvixen just chuckles ruefully.
<milovane{tLi}> and yah, milovane is on "Earth" but dang would love to have a place to escape and express one's sensuality, which *should* be Gor, but lately, it's totally NOT

 This comes out of a visit to yet another Gorean channel.  There was a slave boy there, and he was asked to serve the Mistress, and he did, and it seriously could have been any waiter in the Bronx.  And yet, the Mistresses gushed over him.  Then they asked him to *dance* and while milovane is all for creative expression, the idea of a male slave dancing on GOR sort of tipped the scales and milovane begged to be allowed to go to bed.

Also, milovane is trained to beg to remain and serve, or be pleasing.  It is what her owner prefers.  The owner of this channel wants you to beg to *enter*.  In this, milovane has to agree with her owner.  When you're IN a channel, you've already entered.  If channel owners really want girls to beg entrance they would perhaps have to create a gateway channel, where you go to beg entry into the main channel.  (Kajira Gardens on Austnet used to do that).  But one complies with the wishes of the channel owner in order to be found pleasing.  

Think milovane will begin to tuck a pair of rubber gloves in her dance belt.  Wouldn't want the hands that touch a Master to become chapped!

Mood:  cool

Was on the Multiply site, a very nice blogging site, and came across this.  Just thought the poem was wonderful.  What do you think?

Mood:  not sure

In some ways the women *are* taking over Gor, online, and Master Kyrerus is right. 

Having said that, let milovane explain.

milovane is a pleasure slave, a red silk girl.  she is NOT a kitchen slave.  They had those on Gor, you know.  They made sure the dishes were clean, the floors were meticulous, everything in its place, the dishes free of chips, nicks or flaws.  Most MEN could care less about washing, drying, and arranging dishes, or even if the slave washed thier hands, they want to see the slave.  They want to see the slave move, her body, her need to be pleasing, her fire to be touched by a MAN.  

But, the Free Women, being women, worry about hygiene.  Okay, one Free Woman, Mistress Mar`Pai did say she was insulted that the Free Woman being served would think she kept such a filthy house, but was sort of shouted down by others who have bought into the whole busy housekeeping service of a slave.

By the time most slaves get done cleaning and fussing and wiping and washing one is sure the Master's mind has drifted elsewhere.  In order to keep those who value those things happy milovane will often say, "noting the vessel is clean and perfect..." and go on with her serve.  Trust this girl, even if she doesn't show you that she's scrubbed up before touching anything, as a pleasure slave, she is clean, she's just come from the room of preparation, and is scented and soft, and her hair shines. milovane remembers a time when the cups, bowls and goblets were wiped with a girl's hair, and then rubbed on various and juicy parts of a girl's body in the serve.  Sometimes the wine, food, or fruit was poured on a girl's body and enjoyed by the Master as he took it from her, or held in the girl's mouth.  Would the Mistress first demand a slave to go and brush her teeth?  Besides, unless it's a computer virus, it's not like she's truly going to infect you with anything.  

One was in a channel where a Mistress comtemptuously spat at a kajira that was serving, "you are filthy from crawling all over the floor!"  A floor that was luxuriously covered in soft furs, and probably just that afternoon scrubbed spotlessly and quite american hygenically clean by house slaves. milovane thought the Free Woman perhaps was just a little cranky that it wasn't she that was at the feet of a MAN?  

Again, what do you think?  Would love to hear from you.

milovane

Mood:  chatty

Well, finished the book, "Slave Girl of Gor" and while it *still* isn't sterling prose, there are some things it made me think about. 

The story itself is pretty cool.  Basically a romance with a bit of a spy touch going on.   The author for some reason takes great delight in repeating himself.  You'll basically get the same thing several times, in fact a couple of times milovane thought it was a typo or something.  Some of the scenes are pretty vivid, like the battle scene on the Thassa.  That was pretty exciting.

But on to what it made me think about:

 1.  Gorean slaves are for the pleasure of MEN.  Yes, there were Freewomen that owned slaves, but they were NOT pleasure slaves, they were usually house slaves, that sort of thing.  The basic function of a Gorean slave was for the pleasure of MEN.  

 This isn't rocket science, really.  But sometimes, particularly on IRC Gor I'd have to agree with some Masters who say that the women have taken over Gor.  I was in a channel the other day where the Free Women were so, for lack of a better word, bitchy about the serves the girls were doing.  They made the girls do all sorts of kitchen duties, like washing their hands, washing the dishes, all of that.  Now, most men if you ask them to describe the dishes in their own cupboard, they couldn't tell you.  They don't care.  Kitchen slaves wash and clean the dishes.  The girls who are serving are pleasure slaves, so, as a dear Master used to say, the dishes are clean and perfect, show us the slave.  Even when serving a Free Woman the slave is aware of the Masters in the room and it is they whom she seeks to pleasure with the visuals she writes.  

2.  White silks are simply virgins and they weren't particularly valued

Think that milovane commented on this before.  All you princess whitesilks out there, get over it!  You may be adorably princessy and wear white, but it certainly isn't what would happen on Gor.  Virgins didn't last more than a half an hour after they were sold, end of whitesilks.  

3. It IS about sexuality. 

It is about the healthy expression of human sexuality.  A woman responding to a man.  A man being able to express and fulfill his carnal desires with abandon, and a woman, the choice taken from her, to be able to respond, unashamedly, and with equal abandon.  A slave girl's yeilding, in the books, is about giving over that total response.  So again you white silks, get over it!

4.  A Master wants *all* of the girl.  He owns everything about her.

This is probably the hardest one, for milovane.  To give over all my moods, my thoughts, everything.  As Masters who have dealt with milovane will tell you,  this girl can sometimes just "shut down".  It's a self defense mechanism.  But a slave can have no defenses with her owner, her Master.  She is his, all his.  How often have you held back?  How often have you kept your thoughts?  How can your Master deal with things if he doesn't have all the information?  

 5.  Gor is brutal.  It is not dainty or forgiving.

Over and over again milovane hears Masters and FreeWomen and even slaves on IRC Gor say things like Gor is not about brutality.  Heck yah it is brutal.  The heroine in this book was chained, beaten, in fights, threatened with death constantly, raped, chased, branded, head shaved, you name it.  If a slave is displeasing, or simply if it pleases her owner she can be beaten, sold, put to death, fed to the sleen, what ever!  All of you trying to make a kinder gentler Gor please move on, it just isn't the way it is.  There are kinder and gentler places, go there!

 So, there are some things to think about.  Now, some people have said they read this blog, would love to get more feedback.  What do you think?

milovane