DON'T DATE LUKE O'BRIEN
A Lousy Lay I am a slut. I will do anything for new pussy. I am the kind of guy who will actually rate myself and my performance in bed not two minutes after closing the deal. Some guys like to cuddle, some guys like to engage in sweet pillow talk, and still others will simply fall asleep after making love - not me, I'm a talker, and I need you to know its all about me. True, on OCCASION I seem sincere, but I've been practicing this shit a long time, and I have the art of deceiving women and cheating on every girlfriend I've ever owned down to a science. Ladies, do not be alarmed! I promise, when your time comes, I'll fake being a nice guy so well, you won't know what an asshole I am until its too late.
Not to mention...
-I am always broke
-I have crooked, yellow teeth
-I am a pimp wannabe (think 'Pretty Fly For a White Guy')
-I still haven't graduated high school...at 25
-I wanna be like my roommate; he has tatoos and a cool car
-I work night shifts at every job I'm at to have a convenient excuse to act tired when one chick wants to hang out and instead go fuck another chick that i keep on the side- you know, being faithful is so boring
-I have not been faithful to anyone in the last 7 years.
-I cheated on Jan with Mona before Jan and I broke up, which Mona didn't realize; then I cheated on Mona with Jan, which Mona never found out about; then I cheated on Marie with Mona, got Mona pregnant, she had a miscarriage, which I told Marie about; Marie got pregnant and I don't know if she had the kid or what.
-I do not have supersperm, that is not why my girlfriends keep getting pregnant- I just get soft so soon after I climax the condom falls right off
-I climax so quickly, girls think it's foreplay
-I am horrible at oral sex despite the library of sexology books I keep in the back seat of my car
-I whimper during sex like I'm praying for an orgasm
-I am so skinny and scrawny that I have no ass at all
-I hook up with female friends of mine who have boyfriends, just cause I can
-I blow huge amounts of money I don't have to impress people with LAME car accessories and overpriced suits
-I borrowed money to give to my cousin for his wedding present ($50), but bought a $400 suit to wear to the wedding.
-I insist on holding doors open for chicks, but lie to them about who i'm sleeping with
-I have horrible, horrible breath- like I haven't brushed my teeth in years