Over him
I am officially over him. After finding out some secrets about the girl he is dating now eww. i don't even want to have anything to do with him. shes a slutt. im not. haha. whatever i hope hes happy with her because hes definatly not going to get me back. he can plead and beg but i doubt he will because im not easy like her haha. what a whore. i love it. anyways over him bitches. thank god.

The Date

My ex boyfriend continues to break my heart. He no doubt is bad for me. He makes me say and do things I would never do. He pisses me off but at the end of the day Im crazy about him. Just as fast as our relationship began it ended. For the first time ever..I got dumped. I always thought I controlled the relationships I was in. I was always independent, hanging out with who I wanted, and believeing that i didn't have to change my life to have a boyfriend. I didn't have to change who I was..but I did. I had too but I didn't. We broke up. I had never been so furious and so confused in my life. All I kept thinking was each moment we had together that led up to the dreadful words "I think we should take a break..at least until the season is over."  That was five months ago.

Last week. He wanted to hangout. He wanted some "alone time". In my head if I gave him what he wanted well then of course he'd get back together with me. Yeah sure. I was in the shower and in my mind I knew this wasn't going to happen. I told myself expect that this isn't going to happen, but the optimistic side of me, pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind. They caught up to the front of my head when he said  "I don't feel good..I'm going to sleep." I had once again been flaked on. Once again he had made me believe that I was going to get something more and all I got was a dead line. I layed on the couch pissed off again. How could he actually do this to me again. How stupid was I to think I actually had a chance.

 A few days later I found out hes chilling with a classmate of mine. First of all I looked at the picture of the two of them together and I felt like crying but I didn't. Cry over him? No, I wasn't going to let this get to me. Eventually it did. After a fight with my parents. I cried. About everything and anything. I knew some of the tears was for the ex boyfriend who continues to break my heart over and over again.

A part of me knows he'll come back to me again, and a part of me wants him to come back to me just so I can break his heart just like he broke mine. And the thing is when I break his heart I hope he feels the same way as I did, hurt, confused, and replaying every moment that we had together.