Well here I Am La De Da

  No you don't know me and I really don't care. I am sitting here writing this because I don't like people and computers don't talk back. So I am happy to have a best friend that I don't have to listen to, don't have to help and only have to talk to when I want to.

So lets get on with the formalities shall we? My name is Doris Snurdle. I'm sure I have other names around town but to my face I am only known as that. I am 77 years old. Yes 77, I know your thinking, oh how cute an old woman who has figured out a computer and needs someone to talk to. Well don't! Just because i'm 77 doesn't make me automatically stupid and unable to learn, And as far as needing someone well that's just stupid. I don't like people of any age. I would much rather spend my time with Rotcake my cat. He isn't needy and whiny like most people are. "ohhh l have problems" or" ohh I need someone to talk to." Grow up already. If I wanted to hear someones problems I would have became a therapist and if I wanted to ponder someone elses thoughts I would buy a book. I don't have any family to speak of. Well one sister which I got rid of. Oh wait some simple idiot will take that totally wrong. By got rid of I mean she now lives across the country. Her therapist recommended it and I highly agreed with him. Where I do disagree with him is I refuse to take the blame for her nervous twitch and constant paranoia. Just because I have played harmless tricks and occasionally set off a smoke bomb or something while she was asleep doesn't make me responsible. She chose to get scared.

I would describe how I look but why? Unless i'm trying to find a man which I have no intention of doing it doesn't really matter does it. If your thinking yes it does it's because your nosy. In fact why have you even read this far?

I have had many adventures which I find highly amusing and entertaining. You may not but then again this isn't your page is it? If you don't like what I write take your stubby little finger and click the x at the upper right side of the screen, that simple.

I am going to be writing about some of the fun things I do in my life. Its not for

some special reason. I just want to be able to go back and laugh at some of the things

in my past. No other reason. These are my stories and I find them funny. But why I put

them up is really none of your business so either shut up and read or leave, your choice.

One day while rocking back and forth on my rocker and stroking Rotcake my best friend and cat I happily told him “Almost time dearie.”I looked over to the clock and saw that it was 3:00p.m.Time to get up and go sit on my front porch.Rotcake and I have made it a habit to sit on my front porch no matter what the weather.I do this so I can yell at those stupid brats that are coming home from school.Oh how I wish I was fast enough that I could catch them. I call those little jerks every word I was not allowed to say as a child.One time one of their mothers came over.Now that was fun.I looked at her sniffled and said “oh my how could she say that about me.""I tried to give them some cookies and they threw them on the ground and laughed at me.One child even threw the cookie at me!” I then made my grand exit moving as fast as I could making those silly crying noises and went inside.I hurried to my window just in time to look that little snitch in the eye and smile.Her mother had her back to me and was giving her quite the tongue lashing.Oh what a happy day that was for me.I have thought lately that if I pretended to be doing my flower bed at the right time I might be able to get one with my cane, but then the little snotnose would go crying to his or her mommy.Would that really matter though?All I would have to do is put on my lonely old lady face and act so sad about the whole affair.Ha young people are just so stupid they believe that everyone over 75 loves kids and bakes cookies.They would never imagine someone my age wanting to knock the crap out of those little idiots.I never wanted kids nope never liked them.I remember getting into trouble for super gluing my baby sister’s hair to the mattress and then screaming fire.I couldn’t help it though she was just so stupid.Always singing those stupid little songs.“Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow?”Well she stopped singing that song when I told her that Mary was really Bloody Mary and if she didn’t stop Mary would appear and eat her face.She doesn’t talk to me anymore; in fact she lives on the other side of the country.I hope it’s to be away from me.Her therapist told her that would be for the best.Ahh what a little wimp!

Anyways if you are waiting for some hallmark moment and for me to realize that I love kids and really want them to be around or if you’re waiting for me to have a Scrooge movie moment well you’re waiting for nothing.No I take that back you go ahead and wait.How about you hold your breath while you’re at it?Stupid people.I can’t count the number of pesky boy scouts I ran over with my wheelchair.Those silly little boys running around simpering “can I help you mam?”“No you may not help me you little bas****” I would tell them.And then I would wheel off maybe catching their foot under my wheel if I was lucky enough and had a good enough angle.

Before you think any of those ridiculous thoughts I know you will since you’re probably just as stupid as those little brats that will be coming soon I was not teased as a child and I was not mistreated by my parents.I did not grow up poor and was never without a boyfriend.Nothing traumatic in my life ever happened as you can see.But I bet you’re some tree hugger that will find something somewhere.Like “oh my, my mother forgot to iron my favorite pants one day and now I’m traumatized!”Idiot.

Well I am particularly excited about today since I have been saving these tomatoes until they are just rotten enough.I hope to hit at least two or three of those nuisances that walk down my street laughing and making those sickly little squeals.OH How I wish I was faster.Or that I could throw harder. Oh what fun it will be if one of their parents show up. I will be able to once again show my wonderful acting skills.   It was hard work preparing for today but I was able to destroy my tomato garden and make it look like they were playing in it Just in case.  I never ate the stupid things anyways.

          Copyright © Doris's World by Rebeka, 2012 All Rights Reserved.

 No part of this website may be reproduced without Rebeka's express consent.