Hello. My name is Rebecca
Beasley. I live in a little town called Osceola Arkansas, and I work as a
I was born to a very good
family and it was often said I was born with a "silver spoon in my mouth,"
but things are not always what they seem. My motherís side of the family
were good people, some religious, some not, and my mother was the youngest
of five daughters. She was very musical and was in my eyes a saint, who
taught me about the Lord from a very early age. I remember when I was very
small that she would teach me to sing and play the piano and organ and she
taught me to harmonize with her and before I was three years old I was
singing on stage, dressed up like a little doll and in a lot of talents
shows, so I learned very young that God had given me a great talent.
I understood the plan of salvation and knew in my heart that I would go to heaven when I died, but other than that, I just went to church when I was told. Although I was saved, I had not made Jesus the Lord of my life.
As I grew into teen years, I was started to rebel against everything I had been taught. I wanted to do, what I was big enough to do and resented my parents for forcing me to go to church.
I guess you could say I had a drug problem. I was drug to church on Sunday, Wednesday and to every revival meeting that came to our town and I was determined that as soon as I was old enough, I would go my own way and do what I wanted to do.
Now, looking back I see what they were trying to instill in me, but being a preacher's kid, I just felt like I was supposed to be perfect in the eyes of everyone and it was really making me feel even more resentful and want to break away and "Do my own thing."
I mean, I didn't want to sin really; I just wanted to be allowed to wear makeup, wear blue jeans, go to dances, date boys, and do the usual teenage things. Being a preacher's daughter I was expected by our church, and especially by my dad, to be the perfect little angel.
I was more like a little mischievous devil and used every opportunity that I could to bring that out, much to my dad's horror, and my mother's shame.
One day there was a visiting
preacher at church and I was standing right behind him in the choir, just
waiting for the perfect opportunity to put an inflated whoopee cushion in
his chair. When the time was right, I let it drop, and he sat down hard
and FFTTTTTTTT resounded all over the church! Everyone roared with
laughter, except the visiting preacher and of course, my dad. Needless to
say, it was several days before I could sit down comfortably.
When the bus arrived home, my mother and the pastor of the church that ordained my dad met me at the door. By the look on their faces I knew immediately that the news wasn't good. I was taken from there to the funeral home in disbelief, and a feeling that I had never felt before.
It was a kind of rage that I felt. I hadn't even been given a chance to tell him goodbye! All the promises of him walking me down the aisle when I got married, buying me my first car, all the things that I had looked forward to were washed down the drain in that one day. From that day my life took a turn for the worse.
My mother wasn't herself after that, and I had to quit school and take jobs as a waitress or anything else I could find to help her make ends meet. All my plans for college, and a career in music seemed to be lost forever.
I had been dating a young man for a couple of years who Daddy had approved of and we had planned to be married when I graduated. He came to our house one day and wanted to talk to Mom. I wasn't even allowed to be in the room. After he left she told me that he was so sorry, but he had gone out with another girl and had gotten her pregnant and he was going to do the right thing and marry her. I had saved myself for him and because I wouldn't do what he wanted me to, he had gone to get it from someone else. I was devastated, and vowed that I would not save myself for anyone else. I just decided that it wasn't worth it anymore.
I had tried to be good and it didn't work, so I was going to be bad from then on. That started me on a path of misery that lasted for almost twenty years. I went from one bad relationship to another.
I don't know why, God has
always protected me and kept me from harm, and I felt so much guilt for
things I did, but still I kept on doing the wrong things. I had no control
over my life and I would go for months at a time just drinking and running
around aimlessly, and if not for the grace of God I would be dead right
I made it through basic training and most of advanced training then I had a severe mental breakdown and ended up in a mental hospital. I was drugged with Thorazine and sent home, still sick and unable to keep jobs.
Again I turned to a man for help. I moved in with him and stayed with him for over two years. He was a decent man but not a Christian. His family made me feel like I was the worst sinner in the world, because I smoked cigarettes and ate meat.
My low self-esteem and the
feelings of rejection put me back in a mental hospital. I got so depressed
that I went to bed and didn't even get up to go to the bathroom or eat for
three days. When I finally did get up my flesh was just hanging on my
bones. I went to my grandmother's house and they immediately rushed me to
the hospital. I spent over two months there before I was sent home, once
again drugged and unable to work.
Then at the age of 23 I found
out that I was pregnant. My family pushed me aside and I was thrown from
pillar to post all through the pregnancy. I had nowhere to go and no one
in my family, including my mother would help me. I know she wanted to, but
my step dad wouldnít allow me to stay there. I ended up staying with
strangers who let me clean their house and cook for them in return for my
food stamps which was the only thing I could offer in the way of payment.
I had never in my life felt more sorrow than this. At first I didn't even know where he was. Then I found out he'd been taken to a home for wayward boys. I was terrified for him! What if one of the other boys hurt him. He was just a tiny newborn!
My aunt and uncle went and
got my son, and raised him as their own. It took me a long time to realize
that this was God's will. I wanted to raise him myself, but I had married
again and this time it was a man who I'd met in the mental hospital and he
had been so kind to me. At first and I though he was the perfect man, but
he was a brutal monster who beat me with a cane that he used to walk with,
and I was never able to get my son back.
Our children are almost grown
now, and we are in a good church. Even though two of our children are now
in foster care, we know that they're well fed and taken care of. God has
always been good, but we sometimes just forget that we have to lean on
Him. When we get out of His will He allows us to be turned over to a
reprobate mind and things just get worse and worse.
God is true to His Word. Every time we have turned back to Him, He has increased us even more than what we lost. We've lost houses, parents, and even our children, but they're not really lost. All of our children are saved and even if we never were to see them again here, we'll all be together very soon in his kingdom.
God has given me talents to reach people all over the world now, and I thank him so much for the Internet. Its such a blessing to be able to talk to others every day about what a good God we serve. He's promised me that my children will be back with us soon. I believe it too. And they are all doing very well. He has blessed us so much with them. My two oldest are serving the Lord in their churches and living out the dreams I always had for them. Our youngest two, who are in foster care, have been taken care of very well. Even though we aren't able to talk to them as yet, our youngest daughter has managed several times to let us know that they are well and doing good in school. Itís just a matter of time before God brings them back home.
We now live in a very nice
home, and have more than we have ever had . We have also been given
opportunity to get to know each other in a way that has made our marriage
even stronger. Both of us are serving the Lord now and after all the
hardships we went through before, serving the Lord is a joy! He has indeed
kept His word and made our burden lighter.
He forgives, He loves you, and He knows everything you've ever done and He only wants what is best for you. I will never again run from Him. He is my life.
I am now a Christian net
worker and he has given me the opportunity through this to not only help
others but to earn money for it too. But itís not the money, itís not
about me, its all about Him and His wondrous love. He gives me His
strength, and even though there is a long road ahead of me, He is beside
me all the way. And when I need Him, all I have to do is whisper - Jesus -
And He's there.
Editorís note: REBECCA Ė I HAVE LOST YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS;
IF YOU CHECK IN TO THIS PAGE, PLEASE SEND
ME YOUR ADDRESS, SO I CAN INCLUDE IT HERE.