Hello. My name is Rebecca Beasley. I live in a little town called Osceola Arkansas, and I work as a network-marketer.

I was born to a very good family and it was often said I was born with a "silver spoon in my mouth," but things are not always what they seem. My motherís side of the family were good people, some religious, some not, and my mother was the youngest of five daughters. She was very musical and was in my eyes a saint, who taught me about the Lord from a very early age. I remember when I was very small that she would teach me to sing and play the piano and organ and she taught me to harmonize with her and before I was three years old I was singing on stage, dressed up like a little doll and in a lot of talents shows, so I learned very young that God had given me a great talent.

My father's family was very religious, and from my great great grandfather down, all were Baptist ministers. My dad ran from this for years, saying that he would rather be a garbage collector than a preacher. He had taken a very rough path to live and it took a lot of hardship and sorrow for our family before he finally surrendered to the call of God to be a preacher like his dad, and also his grandpa and great grandpa.

Soon after dad surrendered, I accepted Christ as my Savior (at age seven). Being the usual Baptists, we believed once saved always saved, and that when sin abounds grace much more abounds, but we didn't always read the rest.

 I understood the plan of salvation and knew in my heart that I would go to heaven when I died, but other than that, I just went to church when I was told. Although I was saved, I had not made Jesus the Lord of my life.

As I grew into teen years, I was started to rebel against everything I had been taught. I wanted to do, what I was big enough to do and resented my parents for forcing me to go to church.

I guess you could say I had a drug problem. I was drug to church on Sunday, Wednesday and to every revival meeting that came to our town and I was determined that as soon as I was old enough, I would go my own way and do what I wanted to do.

Now, looking back I see what they were trying to instill in me, but being a preacher's kid, I just felt like I was supposed to be perfect in the eyes of everyone and it was really making me feel even more resentful and want to break away and "Do my own thing."

I mean, I didn't want to sin really; I just wanted to be allowed to wear makeup, wear blue jeans, go to dances, date boys, and do the usual teenage things. Being a preacher's daughter I was expected by our church, and especially by my dad, to be the perfect little angel.

I was more like a little mischievous devil and used every opportunity that I could to bring that out, much to my dad's horror, and my mother's shame.

One day there was a visiting preacher at church and I was standing right behind him in the choir, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to put an inflated whoopee cushion in his chair. When the time was right, I let it drop, and he sat down hard and FFTTTTTTTT resounded all over the church! Everyone roared with laughter, except the visiting preacher and of course, my dad. Needless to say, it was several days before I could sit down comfortably.

The year I turned 15 a couple who had taken care of me when I was little came to town and I was given permission to go home with them to Michigan for a visit. I had only been there about two weeks and we got a call from home saying that Daddy was very sick and that I would have to be put on the next bus and come home. I wasn't told everything. I was only told that he was in the hospital.

When the bus arrived home, my mother and the pastor of the church that ordained my dad met me at the door. By the look on their faces I knew immediately that the news wasn't good. I was taken from there to the funeral home in disbelief, and a feeling that I had never felt before.

It was a kind of rage that I felt. I hadn't even been given a chance to tell him goodbye! All the promises of him walking me down the aisle when I got married, buying me my first car, all the things that I had looked forward to were washed down the drain in that one day. From that day my life took a turn for the worse.

My mother wasn't herself after that, and I had to quit school and take jobs as a waitress or anything else I could find to help her make ends meet. All my plans for college, and a career in music seemed to be lost forever.

I had been dating a young man for a couple of years who Daddy had approved of and we had planned to be married when I graduated. He came to our house one day and wanted to talk to Mom. I wasn't even allowed to be in the room. After he left she told me that he was so sorry, but he had gone out with another girl and had gotten her pregnant and he was going to do the right thing and marry her. I had saved myself for him and because I wouldn't do what he wanted me to, he had gone to get it from someone else. I was devastated, and vowed that I would not save myself for anyone else. I just decided that it wasn't worth it anymore.

I had tried to be good and it didn't work, so I was going to be bad from then on. That started me on a path of misery that lasted for almost twenty years. I went from one bad relationship to another.

I don't know why, God has always protected me and kept me from harm, and I felt so much guilt for things I did, but still I kept on doing the wrong things. I had no control over my life and I would go for months at a time just drinking and running around aimlessly, and if not for the grace of God I would be dead right now.

My mother remarried twice. The first man almost killed her as I watched in horror. I tried to fight him off but ended up having to run for miles to get help and no one would help us. By the time I got back with an ambulance she was almost dead. He pulled a gun on them, but they managed finally to come back with a state trooper. He was only jailed overnight and made it his life's work to chase us everywhere we went. He killed our dog by poisoning her. My mother was charged with starving her and almost went to jail.

After my mom married again, I married also. My husband was a really bad alcoholic, and beat me if another man even spoke to me. I finally got up the courage to leave him and went back home to my mom. The new step dad didnít want me around, so I joined the army reserves.

I made it through basic training and most of advanced training then I had a severe mental breakdown and ended up in a mental hospital. I was drugged with Thorazine and sent home, still sick and unable to keep jobs.

 Again I turned to a man for help. I moved in with him and stayed with him for over two years. He was a decent man but not a Christian. His family made me feel like I was the worst sinner in the world, because I smoked cigarettes and ate meat.

My low self-esteem and the feelings of rejection put me back in a mental hospital. I got so depressed that I went to bed and didn't even get up to go to the bathroom or eat for three days. When I finally did get up my flesh was just hanging on my bones. I went to my grandmother's house and they immediately rushed me to the hospital. I spent over two months there before I was sent home, once again drugged and unable to work.

It seemed that every time I got myself straightened back up and quit taking the drugs it wasn't long before something else would happen and I'd end up right back in the state hospital.

Then at the age of 23 I found out that I was pregnant. My family pushed me aside and I was thrown from pillar to post all through the pregnancy. I had nowhere to go and no one in my family, including my mother would help me. I know she wanted to, but my step dad wouldnít allow me to stay there. I ended up staying with strangers who let me clean their house and cook for them in return for my food stamps which was the only thing I could offer in the way of payment.

My son was born December 31st, 1981. He was perfect in every way, such a beautiful baby, but once again, before he was two weeks old, the depression came, and my son was taken from me.

I had never in my life felt more sorrow than this. At first I didn't even know where he was. Then I found out he'd been taken to a home for wayward boys. I was terrified for him! What if one of the other boys hurt him. He was just a tiny newborn!

My aunt and uncle went and got my son, and raised him as their own. It took me a long time to realize that this was God's will. I wanted to raise him myself, but I had married again and this time it was a man who I'd met in the mental hospital and he had been so kind to me. At first and I though he was the perfect man, but he was a brutal monster who beat me with a cane that he used to walk with, and I was never able to get my son back.

Then David came into my life. He got me away from him and kept him away. He was my knight in shining armor. But he had a drinking problem and we broke up many times. We have three children now, and have been together for over 20 years. We've been through a lot of hardship because we didn't listen to people when they told us that only Jesus would make our lives what they should be.

Our children are almost grown now, and we are in a good church. Even though two of our children are now in foster care, we know that they're well fed and taken care of. God has always been good, but we sometimes just forget that we have to lean on Him. When we get out of His will He allows us to be turned over to a reprobate mind and things just get worse and worse.

I have regrets about all the things I did but at the same time, I thank God for his grace. He always had a plan for my life. I just didnít see it at the time. All the things that I lost have been returned to me many times over. I never lost the still small voice that let me know that He loved me, He just wanted me to return to Him. Once I started seeking His kingdom first, all the things were added.

God is true to His Word. Every time we have turned back to Him, He has increased us even more than what we lost. We've lost houses, parents, and even our children, but they're not really lost. All of our children are saved and even if we never were to see them again here, we'll all be together very soon in his kingdom.

God has given me talents to reach people all over the world now, and I thank him so much for the Internet. Its such a blessing to be able to talk to others every day about what a good God we serve. He's promised me that my children will be back with us soon. I believe it too. And they are all doing very well. He has blessed us so much with them. My two oldest are serving the Lord in their churches and living out the dreams I always had for them. Our youngest two, who are in foster care, have been taken care of very well. Even though we aren't able to talk to them as yet, our youngest daughter has managed several times to let us know that they are well and doing good in school. Itís just a matter of time before God brings them back home.

 We now live in a very nice home, and have more than we have ever had . We have also been given opportunity to get to know each other in a way that has made our marriage even stronger. Both of us are serving the Lord now and after all the hardships we went through before, serving the Lord is a joy! He has indeed kept His word and made our burden lighter.

I would encourage anyone who is having a difficult life to just turn it over to Jesus. Just sayÖ Lord, I've messed it up, now I'm giving it to you and I ask you to just take me out and replace me with you! Only you can set me free from this, and I turn my life over to you right now and ask that you bless it and make it what you want it to be.

 He forgives, He loves you, and He knows everything you've ever done and He only wants what is best for you. I will never again run from Him. He is my life. 

I am now a Christian net worker and he has given me the opportunity through this to not only help others but to earn money for it too. But itís not the money, itís not about me, its all about Him and His wondrous love. He gives me His strength, and even though there is a long road ahead of me, He is beside me all the way. And when I need Him, all I have to do is whisper - Jesus - And He's there.

Praise His precious name!
Rebecca Beasley






Thanks! jj@word2day.com



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