PERSONAL TESTIMONY OF BETTY HADDEN
As a new writer for this magazine, Iíve been asked to give my testimony. My first response was how in the world can I put 28 years down on paper and make it short?!!! Ha! I got my answer! Only with God are all things possible! :o)
I was laying on my bed in my brand new apartment. My two boys were at school. I lay there trying to figure out whether to kill them and myself or put them up for adoption and commit myself or what? I had given up totally. Only those that have been there would understand the total and complete loss of any desire to go on living.
I had found my mother dead while living with her, my dad, and my two children. I didnít want to believe she was dead, so went out of her bedroom into another room. Soon I heard my dad crying out, sobbing, yelling out his grief, having found her.
To make my remorse even greater, I didnít even care. The heaviness in me just grew heavier. Even while attending her funeral, I didnít have any grief for her passing, only for my dad did I have any semblance left of caring as I never realized that he really loved her. I only saw then at her passing with his grief displayed how much he had relied on her and loved her. I mourned for my dad unable to find anything in me to help him in his grief. That was 28 years ago. A month later I was introduced to Jesus Christ and made Him Lord of my life.
When the thoughts of suicide passed as I was laying on the bed,
another voice permeated the heaviness surrounding me. This voice suggested I go
visit a girlfriend in
I ended up doing this, finding myself walking up her front drive with her walking towards me. Her smile lit up the whole place as she said, Betty, wait till I tell you about Jesus!
Her hair was partially set in pin curls (can you believe that?) and as she walked me to her house, she led me into the bathroom where sheíd been setting her hair. She told me that she would have to leave in a couple of hours because she needed to go to church that night. She asked me if I would go with her. Being a Jew by birth, Iíd never been in a church. I answered, well, you have two hours to convince me!
Convince me, she did! Was my question an invitation to preach the Gospel or what? The Lord had her start with Adam and Eve, the fall, and the birth, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ!
I went to church that night with her, August, 1979, a month after I found my mom dead, and the Holy Ghost moved on me in a spectacular way. So much so that "I found myself" walking up the aisle when the invitation came to accept Jesus as Lord. As I walked, I heard a multitude of voices telling me that I didnít believe what was said and questioning me about why I was going forward. Voice after voice spoke to me even as I said the sinnerís prayer, telling me I was lying, that what I was saying was not the truth, and to go back to my seat. All the demons in hell could not keep me from receiving Jesus as Lord, though they did try. Thatís who all those voices were!
Three evenings later at a Bible study at a home, the pastor led me into the baptism of the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues. Even that was spectacular! I experienced the Spirit of God filling me kind of like a glass would be filled, from the bottom up, and by the time the filling hit my mouth, I was actually yelling out the tongues with great, great force and power.
I swiped at the air with my hands, and kicked with my feet. I experienced another one of the gifts of the Spirit, which I did not know it was at that time, as I found myself being aware of a great number of people murmuring in the background and "I knew" they were probably wondering (Word of Knowledge, 1 Cor. 12) what it was I was doing! I opened my eyes and said that to them. Then I spoke, again by the Spirit of God, that I was kicking satan out of my life--kicking him out of my life for good!
I have spent so much time with the Lord since then that the things He has done in my life since then would be impossible to tell all in one writing.
The Lord showed me that who I had been when I came to Him was like a shattered mirror on the ground, broken and separated into tiny, tiny fragments of what had once been the person Heíd made me to be. I spent so many, many, many hours with the Lord in prayer and intercession while He so delicately took the scalpel of His love and cut away the festering, raw, sin infested, gaping wounds in my soul.
Delicately, so, so carefully so as not to cause me any more pain than I had already suffered, He brought the hidden, barred, closed-in places, out into the open that He might help me to cry out the pain, the agony, the rejection, the torment, that was there. Then He began the healing process after exposing all the infection, untruths, and demonic settlements on the inside of me. He told me that what I was experiencing was a catharsis. And once the pain was exposed and lay bare, and then He poured in the truth and the healing balm of His love.
He taught me as He opened up the scriptures and helped me to understand and apply His Word to my life. He helped me by instructing me and loving me constantly all the while. When I was so, so oppressed and so demonized in my mind that I couldnít even make a decision, He taught me how to call on Him and He lowered Himself to wait on me and serve me and be there for me and empower me so that I could live.
None of it, none of it happened all at once. It took a long, long time of spending my life with the Holy Ghost as He taught me and trained me and empowered me. He taught me my authority in His Name and how to exercise it against the tormentor. He waited on me, corrected me, and loved me so, so much, till I came to adore Him.
This great, great King of Kings and Lord of Lords, His Majesty, bowed Himself to not only go to the cross for me, for us, but to be the greatest Servant of all, as He still lives to make intercession for all of us. He was there every moment I cried out in fear or in torment. He was there to carry me constantly when I needed Him so, so desperately. So ridden by a spirit of fear, so tormented, and He understood it all as He taught me so much till I grew to exercise that which He had taught me and still am!
So what is my testimony? Iíve heard it said recently after I shared with the congregation just a few minutes about having been set free by God from a spirit of fear (I refuse to capitalize anything having to do with satan!) that they now understood why I was so passionate about God.
My husband quotes often the scripture having to do with the fact that he who is forgiven much, loves much. Some might refer to me as a fanatic regarding my love for My Lord. But one would have to understand the complete mess I was in when I gave my life to Him to understand the depth of my love and great gratitude for His having given and still giving His life for me.
Yes, there is a hell to shun, but I walked in a literal hell right here with my feet on planet earth. And my God came, revealed Him-self to me, loved me, empowered me, healed me, delivered me, and has made me whole! My personality is no longer on the ground shattered into tiny little fragments of what once was a life.
All the bitterness, pain, agony, sorrow, oppression, depression, and hopelessness that once plagued my life is no longer there. Now I am healed, whole, full of love, hope, purpose, peace and rest, delight and joy and full of the Glory of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, preaching and teaching whenever, however, and wherever He allows me to! And now I live for the praise of His Glory!
You are invited to contact me if you have any questions or comments at: email@example.com