He didn’t know which was a better state for Lou to be in. Stuck in a dream world where she didn’t have to feel anything or awake and flooded with pain and heartache. He wished he could protect her from the reality of losing their baby, but he couldn’t. All he could do is to support her through it to the best of his ability.
Already he was grieving enough for the both of them. There was no comparison to the pain he was feeling to what he knew Lou was going to experience. He hadn’t even known the baby existed until a few hours earlier, and Lou had known for some time. He couldn’t begin to imagine what it was like to feel a new life growing inside of you one day, and then have it be gone the next.
Kid rose from his chair, picked up the bowl he was using to bathe Lou and walked over to the sink. He dumped the lukewarm water into it, refilled the bowl with fresh water, and then pumped a tin cup with some water and drank thirstily. He was having difficulty in trying not to imagine what a child of his and Lou’s would look like. Would it have Lou’s smile and eyes or his hair and skin coloring? Would it have been a boy or a girl?
Anguish swept over him as he returned to Lou’s side. He replaced the bowl of water onto the crate between the bunks but did not retrieve the rag from Lou’s head to rewet it. Instead he gently placed one of his hands over Lou’s and lowered his head onto the bunk.
“I’m so sorry Lou. So very sorry,” he whispered softly to her as tears filled his cerulean blue eyes and he wept for the tiny life he had helped create and was now lost.
Dawn was just beginning to break over the horizon when Lou’s eyes fluttered open. There was a moment of disorientation as she gazed up at the wooden ceiling overhead. It appeared farther away than it should have been until she realized that she wasn’t in her own bed. She was in Buck’s, and that puzzled her. Why wasn’t she in her own bunk?
Lou tried to rise up into a sitting position and was alarmed at how weak she felt. Her stomach clenched painfully and fear swept through her as she lowered a hand to cover it. In doing so, her hand brushed against something soft and she turned her head to find Kid.
He was sitting on a chair beside the bed with his head lying on top of the quilt. His face was turned toward hers and his eyes were closed. If she hadn’t already been aware that he was asleep, the slight rise and fall of his chest would have told her.
It was obvious to her that he had stayed awake to care for her, but she didn’t understand why. He had spent the past few months making it abundantly clear to her that he didn’t want anything to do with her. That was until a couple of days ago when he apparently had a change of heart and wanted to start over. She almost fell for it too before she overheard his and Jimmy’s bet for her affections in the barn.
She was surprised that she didn’t feel any anger towards him, only pain and regret for the multitude of arguments and misunderstandings that had occurred between them. She didn’t know how they would ever get through what had happened between them or if they even could.
Lou tried again to raise herself up into a sitting position, but immediately gave up when a sharp pain sliced through her abdomen eliciting a cry from between her lips. She fell back against the pillows as another pain seized hold of her and didn’t dissipate right away. Perspiration broke out across her forehead as she clutched at her stomach and whimpered. The pain was unbearable.
Kid awoke with a start, alerted by some noise near his head in the quiet bunkhouse. He straightened into an upright position and let out a yawn. He rubbed his eyes to clear them and when he took his hands down he realized where the sound had come from.
Lou’s doe eyes were open and filled with pain and fear as she clutched both hands to her stomach. Kid reacted immediately. He hurried over to the sink and filled a glass with water, before hurrying back over to the bunk, and settling back into his chair. He took a packet of powder that Doc Danes had given them and poured some of it into the glass and used his finger to stir it up. He reached out to help Lou drink the liquid but she shrugged away from him.
“I was just going to help you drink this Lou. Dr. Danes said it will help you with the pain.” Kid told her.
“I can do it myself. “ Lou said as she took the glass from Kid. She leaned up onto one elbow and lifted the glass shakily to her lips. She grimaced at the bitter taste of the cloudy liquid, but didn’t stop drinking until she had emptied the glass.
As soon as she was finished she handed the glass back to Kid and wearily sank back against the pillows as another pain sliced through her.
“What happened?” she asked Kid once the pain had subsided.
“Don’t you remember?”
“If I did I wouldn’t be asking you, now would I?” Lou snapped, even as she tried to recall what had transpired and led to her being in a world of pain in Buck’s bed. A couple of moments passed before she spoke again. “I remember coming back to Rock Creek and talking to Teaspoon and Rachel, but I don’t recall anything after that.”
Kid closed his eyes and took a deep breath. There hadn’t been enough time for him to reconcile his own feelings with the loss of their baby, let alone for him to prepare himself for divulging the heartbreaking news to Lou. Regardless of whether he was ready or not, the time had come for him to tell Lou and the longer he waited to do so, the harder it was going to be for the both of them. He opened his eyes and gazed down into Lou’s face.
“You collapsed after you revealed to all of us that you were pregnant. We carried you inside and someone went to get Doc Danes. You were bleeding really bad Lou.” Kid’s voice broke and it took him a couple of moments before he had his emotions under control again. As he continued speaking, he saw growing realization dawn upon Lou’s face. “The doc did everything he could to stop the bleeding and save the baby, but he couldn’t. You lost our baby, Lou.”
“No!” Lou let out a sob and covered her face with her hands.
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