Duo's Spandex

Duo awoke one average morning yawning loudly. Cracking an eye open lazily, he rolled over in the bed, groping for the warm body that usually inhabited the other side, finding only cold sheets. Frowning Duo sat up rubbing the back of his hand against his eye.

" Good morning my love." a familiar voice called from the doorway.

Blinking Duo looked up to see Heero standing in said doorway, and nearly drooled...at the food ladden tray he had in his hands. (Perverts!) [Damnit not now Bob!]

" I made you breakfast." he said setting the tray on the end table with a smile...Wait a smile?

" Damn I must be dreaming again." Duo mumbled to himself as Heero fluffed the pillows behind his head, and sat him up.

" I hope you’re hungry dearest." He said gently.

Sighing Duo let Heero settle the tray over his lap...his smile widening at the strawberry pancakes covered in whipcream and chocolate syrup. Licking his lips Duo reached for the fork only to have Heero stop him.

" No let me feed you..." Heero said. Taking the fork from Duo's slack fingers.

" Yes this is a dream...but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna enjoy it!" Sitting back, Duo watched Heero systematically cut the pancake stack into five perfectly equal pieces. " Oi even in a dream, your as anal as ever."

Heero looked up at him at this statement and frowned.

" Nothing." Duo sighed.

Nodding Heero lifted a piece of the...uh pancake to Duo's lips carefully holding a napkin beneath the dripping mass of dough. ( Do you think you could have made that sound a bit less appetizing?)

Opening his mouth Duo let Heero feed him the bit of pancake, chewing thoughtfully. Hmm it tastes real...he thought. Then again Heero had said that he had made it, and since the food actually tasted good! That was proof enough that this wasn't real...if the fact that Heero was looking at him adoringly...or rather with an expression at all wasn't proof positive already. Yep. This was a dream...a very nice dream that he had no intention of waking up from any time-

" Duo! Wake up you idiot! We have work to do!" Wufei's voice sounded inside his dream.

" NO! " he said defiantly squeezing his eyes tighter, even as he watched his dream Heero slip away into nothingness. Duo could have sworn he saw him waving goodbye. Sighing Duo turned over to meet his day. " Damn Wufei. I'd cut off that little pig-tail of his if I wasn't afraid of it trying to bite me." Duo grumbled.

" I heard that Maxwell." Wufei called from the doorway frowning. " Anyway it's time to get up. Heero and Quatre went to the store, to get food. We’re supposed to clean up the mess in the living room...as much as possible."

" Why do we have to do it?!" Duo whined. Still upset about being taken from his dream.

" Because YOU were the one who thought covering the living room with chocolate sauce and cherries was a good idea last night." Wufei said calmly. " Not to mention what you did to the carpet with that tomato sauce...formerly white carpet."

Wincing Duo blushed and sat up. " Okay, point you win." Duo grumbled, pushing himself out of bed. With a satisfied smirk Wufei walked away. " But you’re still a tightass. Maybe if you loosened up that pigtail of yours other parts of body would relax lik-"

" Maxwell! I heard that!" Wufei called back to his bedroom.

Shaking his head, Duo walked to his closet opening it. " Let's see what to wear what to wear? What to wear? The black outfit? The black outfit? The black outfit? Or the light pink teddy with matching-oops that's supposed to be the 'For Heero's eyes only' section Duo said hastily moving said outfit. (If you can even call it that) to it's proper place in the closet. Stepping inside he shut the door, emerging a few seconds later in a black-cloak-looking-thing that came down to his ankles, baggy black pants, and a white scarf tucked around the neckline of said cloaky thing... For some reason Duo felt extreme contempt for humans and emotions as whole. As well as a desire to burn something...

" My clothes!"

Duo blinked at the scowling little man wearing something that looked like a really big white sheet...before he suddenly disappeared and he found himself naked on the floor. Slightly dazed Duo grabbed his head. " Woah...musta been some party..." rising shakily to his feet he went back to his closet, looking over his clothing with a bored expression. " Oi! I don't feel like wearing any of this!" Sighing Duo reached out for his usual outfit, but paused grinning he turned his eyes to Heero's side of the closet, all his spandex and green tank tops calling to him. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't resist...Heero's reaction would be priceless! Duo chuckled grabbing a pair of the shorts and a tank top. Yes Heero would be surprised.

*~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~~*

Examining himself in the mirror Duo frowned. Green clashed with his skin tone…and the shorts were a bit too tight...he couldn't even bend over...so much for that idea he thought. He'd just have to surprise Heero another way, maybe that red teddy Heero liked so much. Grinning Duo looped his fingers in the top of the shorts...or rather tried. Since he couldn't even get his fingers into the waistband. Frowning he tried again...and again...and again. But the shorts didn't budge. Panicking Duo grabbed the sides of the shorts and pulled as hard as he could to no avail, actually the shorts seemed to be getting tighter!

" Maxwell what the hell is tak-"

" Wufei help! I can't get Heero's shorts off!" To his credit the Chinese pilot didn't take advantage of a prime chance to make a dirty quip...Oblivious Duo continued to tug at the shorts. Snorting Wufei walked closer.

" There just shorts Duo all you have to do is-" Wufei tugged at said spandex, much to his surprise said spandex didn't move. " What the hell did you do Maxwell?!"

Duo frowned at him. " I didn't do anything I was just gonna surprise Heero when he got back and-" Duo winced when the shorts contracted again. "GAH! Get em off! Get em off!" ( Heh heh heh!) [ You are such a pervert]

" I'm trying! I'm trying!" Wufei said, pressing one foot against the wall while grabbing the side of the shorts with both hands, pulling as hard as he could. Still the shorts didn't budge. Panting Wufei kneeled on the carpet.

" What...*pant* did *pant* you * pant* do *pant*?

Duo sighed as his legs turned a disturbing shade of blue. " Nothing!"

" How'd you get your big butt in Yuy's shorts anyway?"

" My butt is not big!" Duo replied indignantly. " And all I did was put them on...then they got tight."

Wufei looked skeptical. Then his eyes brightened. " I've got an idea I'll be right back." Wufei said a broad smile breaking out on his face as he went.

Duo wasn't certain if he should be worried or not... The question was answered for him when Wufei returned a moment later with a pair of pliers, a stick of butter, a blowtorch and a chainsaw.

" Okay let's get to work." Wufei said almost too chipper.

" HELP!"

" Oh shutup Maxwell, I'm not going to hurt you! Much." Wufei said with a smile that Duo just didn't trust very much.

" Oh well in that case HELP! HELP! HELP! HE-mph" Duo glowered at Wufei around his mouthful of braid.

" Hush up for a minute and let me put the butter in your shorts."

" Am I disrupting something?" Trowa asked from the doorway, his eyes as blank as ever. " If I am, I'd like to tell you now Wufei if Heero catches you two you know you’re dead right?"

" Hey! It's not like we’re doing anything! He's just helping me get my shorts off."

To his credit Trowa didn't respond.

" Get over here and help." Wufei snapped trying to squeeze the butter into Duo's shorts.

Arching a brow, Trowa walked into the room ignoring the feeling in the back of his mind that said, this is a bad bad idea. " You’re not doing it right." Trowa said blandly taking the butter from Wufei, rubbing the stick all over his hand. [Ugh stop it stop it!] Till it was nice and slippery... then he slid his fingers around the top of the shorts and somehow managed to get them pass the waistband...and no further. " Uh-oh."

" What do you mean uh-oh? Hey you got your fingers in pull ‘em down." Wufei said looking disappointedly at the blowtorch.

" I can't."

" What do you mean you can't?" Duo asked...a feeling of dread filling him.

" Look you got the stupid things to separate from his body all you gotta do now is...gerk."

" Hey! Wufei you're hand is touching!"

"I know what it's touching Maxwell! Now shut up!"

" Fine I will as soon as you move it!"

Blushing furiously, Wufei cleared his throat. " I can't"

" To many people are saying that at this point." Duo sighed. "What else can go wrong?"

" Hi everybody we’re back!" Quatre's voice sang out through the house.

Trowa looked at Wufei.

Wufei looked at where his hand was on Duo.

Duo looked from Trowa to Wufei to where Trowa's hand was on his body, to where Wufei's hand was, and then sweatdropped.

" Guys?!" Quatre called again, his footsteps echoing down the hallway.

Trowa could see the end of his life coming...very very slowly. Frantically he started jerking his hand, trying to get them out of Duo's shorts.

Wufei began doing the same.

" Hey! That's an important body part Wufei just because you don't use yours doesn't mean I don't use *EEP*!"

Wufei smirked continuing to tug.

" Gotta get free Quatre will kill me. Gotta get free Quatre will kill me." Trowa muttered to himself, the door began opening and in sheer desperation he bit the shorts.

" Guy-Oh." Quatre said. Taking in the situation before him Duo standing in the middle of the room with Wufei standing beside him his hand shoved down the front of Duo's *blush* Trowa was kneeling on the other side of Duo fingers shoved into the edge of his shorts and his teeth firmly clamped on the top.

Needless to say Quatre was a little surprised... " Heero I found them." He managed to whisper.

Heero appeared in the doorway behind the blond a second later.

" Duo.....Om-"

" EEK. I can explain!" Duo said holding his hands up in front of him...

" Trowa. Get your teeth off of Duo's shorts...wait Heero aren't those your shorts?"

Heero was a bit to busy then since he was glaring burning death at Wufei's hand.

" Yes...." Heero said very softly…suddenly there was frost on the ceiling.

Quatre nodded a pleasant smile on his lips as he turned to look at Trowa again. " Trowa...Duo said there is a very good explanation for this. Is there?"

Trowa nodded very slowly.

" Well..."

Trowa carefully schooled his features into impassivity...everything had to be said clearly and calmly as well as worded carefully if they were going to get out of this alive.

" Sheesh Quatre relax he was just trying to get my shorts off!" Duo answered.

" What!"

" I mean he was helping Wufei get my shorts off!"

" So you were going to screw Wufei?!"

" No! He was just helping with-"

" Duo. Shut up and let me explain." Trowa said calmly.

All eyes in the room immediately turned to him.

Taking a deep breath he began the explanation calmly..." ...I-" and then promptly ran like hell doing a rolling dive out the bedroom window...with Duo and Wufei still attached to him.

" Trowa! Get back here and die like a man!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mary Sue and Anna May sat on their front porch playing a game of checkers. It was a sleepy boring little town that they lived in nothing interesting ever happened there.

" Are you going to the Orange festival next week Anna?" Mary asked.

With a sigh Anna nodded. " Yep ain't nothing better to do in-"

" WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

" Trowa stop running!"

Both women looked up at the exclamation identical looks of shock on their faces. As a boy with impossibly angled bangs ran down the street with two other boys.

This wouldn't have been all that strange if the banged boy didn't have his hand stuck in the screamin fella's pants and the other boy with his hands in the pants as well both being dragged down the street like a kite.

" Well that's strange..." Anna commented.

" Ye-"

" Trowa stop running! I only want to talk!"

" I'll kill you all!"

Both women turned to look at the reason the boy was running so fast a red faced blond was running down the street brandishing a really large pink mallet...the other boy with him seemed to be very angry actually holding what looked like a rifle as he stalked after the blond.

" Hm what was that all about?" Mary asked.

" Got me." Anna replied.

Needless to say the two had something to talk about for weeks to come.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Much later that night....

Trowa sat in stony silence as Quatre apologized and placed a bag of ice on the welt on his forehead.

" I might have overreacted a little Trowa I'm very sorry..." Quatre said with a smile.

"..."

" Does it hurt a lot?"

Trowa considered making a comment about that question taking into consideration Quatre had smacked him a good 5 yards with that mallet of his into a very large and very solid tree... Albeit it had freed him and Wufei from Duo's shorts."..."

" Oh I'm sorry Trowa...."

" Hn. Baka what the hell were you doing putting on my shorts anyway?" Heero growled.

Duo sweatdropped looking down the barrel of the gun aimed at his head. " I was going to surprise you...could you please help me get them off now they're really tight and I can barely breathe..."

Duo whispered.

Heero smirked. " You really don't know how to get them off?"

Duo shook his head pitifully.

Heero snorted. Dropping the gun much to Duo's relief and pulling the braided boy up by his feet. He reached down with one-hand inbetween Duo's legs.

" Hey! You wanna do that now?"

" No baka." Heero grumbled finding what he was looking for on the shorts giving it a little press. Duo yipped when the shorts suddenly loosened and fell away.

" Hey how the hell you'd do that?" He asked wide-eyed.

Heero snorted. " The shorts are heat activated. All I did was press the release button."

" Release button?"

" Hai."

Duo blinked. " Wait why do you wear heat activated shorts anyway?"

" To learn to control my body temperature." Heero said matter-of-factly.

Duo looked at him funny for a second he would have looked longer if Heero hadn't grabbed him just then and tossed him on the bed.

" Heero what are you doing now?"

Smirking Heero pulled his tank top off. " Someone else touched what's mine. I'm going to reclaim it."

Duo managed to get out a startled squeal before Heero descended on him.