June 4, 2004
Hmm ... could it be called a date? .... straight downtown after work to dinner then a movie ... skipped the possibility of a drink at Bru ... then straight home ... kinda sounds like a date ... and it was quite enjoyable ... not too bad dinner ... a disturbing but good movie called Twist ... and a quiet ride home .... all in my own company - which I will repeat since it was so satisfying!
June 9, 2004
Ahh ..... LaRonde .... three girls, three tank tops, a water ride, some interesting sights .... and oh the burn .... three bright red sun burns to finish off the day. But it was a good day .... a fun day ... and the thrills were well worth it. Surviving day 2 of the sun burn will be interesting on the drive to work today. ;-)
June 11, 2004
Thoughts are tumbling one atop another ... the swirl of helicopter leaves in the middle of the road during a summer breeze .... Writer to writer there seems to be some connection .... the more told, the more felt .... "Maybe he can help you find your muse" she says "you used to write so well" .... the anger, bitternes, pain .... the need to comfort is so great ..... and yet is unappropriate ..... yet again such place is not welcoming to me.
June 18, 2004 -- 2:33AM
Chronicles of Riddick - not a bad movie ... the rest of the night ... meh could've been better I suppose. The saying goes "they seem better right before it gets worse" or something like that .... I guess that goes for relationships too .... another dreaded sentence to utter .... "actually mom, we're only friends" ... man am I getting tired of that saying ..... here's hoping I don't make the same mistake twice .... well I"m off to deal now .... so much for looking forward to my 5-1AM shift and all that extra time together ...... nite.
1:48PM
"I feel that I'm carrying the weight of this relationship"
"Your low self-esteem is a problem for me."
"I'm an emotional paraplegic."
"You deserve somebody better ... somebody who has their head in the game."
"I thought I'd like you."
"You're better suited for him anyways."
I guess I"ve had all the lines possible .... so why do I not want to go to work?
June 27, 2004 -- 1:46AM
"Do you like Rock and Roll?"
"Yes"
"Do you like beer?"
"Yes"
"Well you've passed the first two tests ..... what do you think of older men?"
Ahh ..... another night at Brutopia - and another GOOD night ... some gossip, getting part of a bachelor's party, toasting to "beautiful Montreal girls", being called gorgeous .... I gotta do this more often. I mean how many times do you get offered an appartment to stay at?
June 28, 2004 -- 12:55AM
When will the hurt stop?
July 4, 2004
Now correct me if I'm wrong ... but in my books things like that shouldn't be known by friends of mine ... unless I was the one telling it .....
Onto other things ... apparently I will make a good wife to some lucky guy one day .... just not certain people who were the ones telling me that tonight "He's too old, I'm too young" .... ahh .... there's so much more than that ... but that'll do for now.
July 13, 2004
Ahh yes ... finally the Brutopis pics I've been waiting for .... this one is a keeper:
August 4, 2004
Ahh well .... the quiet means that there has been some personal growing I think ... I hope.
I've gotten over an apparent mistake recently ... I've discovered the key to my happiness is attention in the form of teasing ... happiness at work has been found ... all due to my key of happiness.
Been to a few movies recently - the Manchurian Candidate that was supposed to be an intelligent movie but instead seemed just silly, and Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, which was supposed to be a silly movie but turned out to be quite intelligent in my view. Will be going to an Als game tomorrow and I had my annual bike ride on a 1500cc this time .... Dad has upgraded.... so until another day of exciting news occurs or I think of doing a small recap - nite.
August 6, 2004
Ahhh yes ... where do we start?
Circling downtown Montreal for parking amid annoying pedestrians and one way street deemed an interesting ride ... finally finding a parking lot only to be yelled at since we parked it ourselves .... the horrors!! Eating at a nice really old deli for supper then walking to board the football bus ... unfortunately it wasn't as exciting as we previously thought it would be since there was all of 10 of us seated on the bus. We arrived and were seated at 5:35 for a 7:00 kickoff .... plenty of time to people watch!!
We had the whole bench to ourselves for the longest time ... then we encountered body heat (kinda when we needed it the most). We had the sun .. then no sun ... then some sun ... then no sun in our faces .... it was the layering and de-layering while we had so much time to wait. The stupid people who can't find their seats were interesting to watch ... how hard is it to match the numbers on the ticket to the numbers on the cement stairs and plastic benches? Did nobody pass kindergarten? Once everybody was settled there was the group that constantly got up and walked all over the people in their whole row ... and then when they were seated they braided each other's hair .... proof of why people under the age of teens should NOT go to a football game. The person with the opposing team's jersey sat in our section ... as well as one with a jacket from another team completely ... and yet another from a different league completely .... all should be shot. I got my pics of Cahoon .... ;-) I hope everything turned out. We had a bit of a dud of a section in terms of cheering, (what part of "MAKE SOME NOISE" is difficult to understand?) however they got livelier by the end of the last quarter - the joints, cigarettes and beer had to have kicked in my then ... we were quite deep in a smoke cloud at some points.
Otherwise it was a great game ... we won, but it was close so it was definately not boring.
Now our next matter of business is getting tickets to a game in Ottawa in time for my b-day celebration ... and planning our ticket buying strategy for next season's games. Should be a fun and interesting annual event. ;-)
August 7, 2004 -- 2:36AM
I guess I'm what you would call a "dweller" ... no matter how many times I replay it over and over in my head, what was said to me and my lack a a good response will never change .... but I keep thinking of it .... and it keeps bothering me ... and I know it won't change, and I can't change it .... and most probably the other party has forgotten about it already ... but I dwell .... I guess I always will.
August 9, 2004
"We not only sell doughnuts .... we save lives as well." ..... I don't think I'd go as far as to say that exactly .... but I just have to remember not to injure myself while that manager is on duty - I'd end up cleaning and bandaging it myself.
Went to celebrate a 100 year birthday today. Tons of family arrived from all over the world - Australia, Scotland, New York, Ontario and Quebec. We got included not because we're family but because we're almost family. It was an enjoyable afternoon and evening.... and I got to try some Italian champagne which I will have to remember for the next new years eve - I will be getting drunk in style this time!! And I also have to think about my life career choices ... and about making my own wine - one month gives about 28 bottles .... not too shabby. Always something to think about ...... hoping that I don't disappoint too many with what I end up doing.
August 12, 2004
ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!! Well I had a pretty good time today ... drove up to Mont Tremblant (with some little weee's and some butt-fuck nowhere jokes that never get old) ... toured around for some shopping then onto Sainte Sauveur for some more shopping ... the Cadbury House rocks ... except for the lack of nutritional information - I know that sounds so wrong but I need to know that's all ..... Some silly pics were taken ... but alas, my film still has about 4 or 5 pics left on it. Hopefully I'll be able to finish those off soon. Watched the football game on TV tonight with my friends while my parents sat in the rain in the stadium to see it live - was a good game .... plus .... the crunch of the game was the ant slayage .... which kinda seemed funny at the time.
Was kinda disappointed in the shopping bit - thought there would be more to go to ... more to buy ... more bargains to look at .... but I guess it was an okay afternoon .... I managed to spend $20 on lunch, $3 on souvenirs, and $19 on supper.
August 15, 2004 - 4:33AM
When the cat's away the mice will play ..... day one of parents in Ontario: ICE CREAM for lunch ... ya that's healthy ... getting home at 4AM ... I don't think I've EVER gotten in at 4AM in my life .... but the cat hounding the little skunk in the middle of the street was very Pepe le Pu .... and extremely funny to see ... that and the conversation kept me going until 4 .... wonder how day two will turn out.
August 16, 2004 - 2:40AM
Just got back from a little road trip .... or more accurately a "let's get lost" trip .... which was successful. ;-)
"Do you really know where you're going?"
"No."
"So wait - you REALLY don't know where we are going?"
"Well no ... what part of 'let's get lost' did you not get? What's the fun of getting lost if I know where I am?"
But we managed to get unlost, have only a slight almost pania attack, some nervousness, and only one honking (which I think was uncalled for) .... so it was quite an adventure. Got to go to the waters edge ... on both sides of the island. And I learned a thing or two - I can actually drive downtown, and I don't do Drive-Thru very well.
August 17, 2004 - 12:16AM
Monday night is family night ... or so it seems. So ... do you know where your children are? .... Yes right across from me drinking a beer .... and do you know where your parents are? ... yup - sitting across from me, buying me beer, and sharing the night with me infront of a live Jam night in a local bar .... I guess we could be more dysfunctional in a worse way .... but what the hell - we all had fun!!!
August 22, 2004
Well I've always prided myself on never telling lies ... I was the queen of "half-truths" ... and now I think I've been a victim of the "half-truth" ... a king of "half-truths" if I may say so. I never realized that even half-truths can hurt sometimes.
I remember being told awhile back "you're dating - you just don't know it" ... and I wonder if it can be twisted slightly - "you're dating - you're just in denial" .... hmm.....
August 19, 2004
"Are you trying to paralyze me?"
"No, am I paralyzing?"
"Well I felt a shock when you touched my back."
"Is he your boyfriend?"
"No. But he's trying."
"Well maybe it will happen."
"No, it won't."
"You never know - things change."
August 23, 2004
Happy Anniversary I guess .... 10 years today ... time flies when you're on life supporting medication .... but then out of all the diseases to have, being diabetic is one of the easier ones ... I guess not many survive the 10 year mark with other diseases.
August 28, 2004
Well, if anything, this week has proven to be quite a learning experience. Mid week showed up to be a crisis moment test ... Grandma being rushed into the hospital and being treated for angina saw to that quite well. Got to visit her at the hospital today for the first time since work schedules and camping party plans had me occupied. She so is not used to being the one cared for ... quite the difficult patient there. Work has been testing my patience lately ... between receiving un-wanted attention and not receiving some wanted attention I've been going through some yo-yo moments. I've also discovered that when times get rough I think of drinking ... but have also learned that when I drink too much, I get sick, slowly recover, and suffer from no hangover the next morning. Its a good thing to know that you never get hangovers. However I'm going through my own mental anguish ... dealing with things I really don't want to be thinking about right now. However they are there ..... and probably will not go away until I fully deal .... when that will happen who knows. All I know is that I'm wishing for when times were like they were many months ago before things got complicated and all I truly want for is simplicity.
August 31, 2004
You know you have to much time on your hands when .... you make a 14 inch long penis out of dough ... watch it go through the glaze and along the retail curve to the amusement of the customers facial expressions, then drizzle it with maple and chocolate to be eaten later with a knife and fork. Found out some other interesting things at work today as well .... but also the truth that nothing beats the feeling of being held. Will be getting the silent treatment from my mother as well ... due to the late hour I arrived home ... but I should be used to things like that by now. Time to prepare for the big 22 tomorrow .... here's hoping it will be decent.