July 11, 2002
Damn the dreams. The best friend? Why? Isn't that just the ultimate betrayal to both of us. I wonder if it was so much about the best friend as it was about what was said. He talked about being a "lone ranger" and I said "Me too" with a shrug. Despite all the commotion happening around it seemed I was very much alone in my misery with the guys. No one else noticed or was told. Could that be the real message of the dream?
July 13, 2002
Well I got an interesting email a couple of nights ago. Something that is so tempting .... something that I'd really like to do ... something I have to clear first with my parents .... ;-( Work shouldn't be that hard to get off from - I take my two days off on the Sat and Sun of that week and then the week after I put myself not available for the Monday. I'm not really getting 3 days off consecutively ... it's only my 2 days off for that one week and the next week only one day. I'm hoping it all works out.... But the parent thing might be the hardest part. Even the money thing I can handle ... if only the parents agree. If they do then I'm off on a three day road trip to Kingston with three of my closets friends ... let's hope we don't do anything too crazy .... just crazy enough to be remembered for the next few summers that come along!!
July 13 - the P.M. --- There I was at work, I look up and there he is. I get a flutter of elation for seeing him there. I notice the smile he had and the extra facial hair that adds a cuteness to his profile. I'm not sure what felt worse - having a fluttery feeling of elation, or the guilt because of that elation. Just when I was hoping the dream was a one time only thing, he shows up in the flesh infront of me. What dreams may come tonight.
July 14, 2002
I guess spending the evening with both guys has put things into perspective for me. I suppose he will always be attractive looking and I will always enjoy his company, but there is nothing behind those facts or the fact that I got a fluttery feeling of elation. That is a normal response to seeing a friend that you haven't seen for awhile. Spending the evening with both guys has made me realize that I was just over reacting to some simple things that are normal between friends. The feelings I get from one certain guy are in no way similar to others. And there was no worry about dreams - I either was way too tired to remember, or there was nothing even close to that during my slumber last night. I really enjoyed my real date tonight - they are rare but definately worthwhile.
July 29, 2002
Mmmm ... a sigh ... a hug and a kiss ... can't have em both ... Went to see Austin Powers: Goldmember - amazingly enough I actually enjoyed it. Some friction after ("Everything I say is wrong" -- isn't that my line?)but everything should be better soon. Had some visiters from lunch today as well (a lunch that lasted from 12:30 - 5:00 - but aren't those the best ones?)... isn't it so much fun to get together and vent about significant others .... "Don't trade him in ... you'll only get one the same, they're all alike." The days are getting closer to our road trip ... sent off my music suggestions tonight ... now I've just got to put things together in my head to what I want to bring. Got a few suggestions for tourist things we can do while we are there - the Thousand Island Tour definately has to be one of them. As well as all the other historic sites, museums and things. It will be an adventure. At least I'm hoping it will be an amazing one. ;-)