January 2, 2001
Well the survival of another year had surpassed us again ... we all survived the turn to 2000 - now aren't we all proud? Had a good celebration - small but adequate ;-). Sometimes big parties aren't what they're made out to be. Lots of drinking "How much did you drink!!!!????" ... only four bottles of wine ... during supper ... between 6 of us ... not much at all ... no, not at all. A whole rum bottle was drunk as well. Upping the stakes to the game backfired in his face is all ;-Þ ... who had to take 5 shots? Attention span equaled nil later on that night. Something that needed thinking ..... or a cartoon ..... hmm ... sadley even the cartoon didn't work. But I do still want to know about this glowing bra I heard about. Afterwards was some quiet time ... I like that term. Between Alf, no pillows, and cooking since 8AM, the sleepover was not exatly sleepish. After only about 2 hours sleep let's say I was out of commission the day after. But it was a great celebration ... and well worth the lack of sleep. ;-) Thanks for everything ;-)
January 4, 2001
Don't mess up the grooove ... the groove ... THE GROOVE!!!!!! Heehee. A kickass movie is all I can say. The Emperor's New Groove was really cute ... it was hilarious as well and not just for kiddies ... I doubt a 5 year old would get all the jokes anyways. But it was something to see. On another note ... nice couch ... good positioning .... lol. ;-) ... >;-) ... ;-/.
January 7, 2001
I've been going to funerals since I was about 7 or 8 years old. My first memory of a funeral I went to was thinking that the lady was breathing. To a 7 year old, seeing the hypnotic raise and fall of the chest to the body lying in the casket is a weird thing to witness. I told my mom about it, and she told me it's just because there's so many people it makes you think she's breathing when it's your own imagination making her do it. In all the funerals I've been to I have yet to watch somebody die. My parents must've arrived about a half hour before she passed onto the other world. My mother was probably sitting beside her bed holding her hand, rubbing her gently, soothing her in her drugged state. Then the noises of her breathing probably slowed, and then stopped completely. What must've that been like? My mother was there for my great aunt's passing, my grandfather's passing and now her mothr-in-law's passing. How can you stand by there and listen to someone stop breathng? What must that feel like? I've only heard of the passing later, and then have to adjust to the idea they're not there anymore. What would be easier? How do you deal?
January 10, 2001
I am home in Heaven, dear ones; Oh, so happy and so bright! There is perfect joy and beauty In this everlastiung light.
All the pain and grief is over, Every restless tossing passed; I am now at peace forever, Safely home in Heaven at last.
January 14, 2001
"btw, that girl I mentioned the other day, we're together now". So someone has a girlfriend. I've got mixed thoughts about this. Part of me is thinking "good for him", and the other part of me is thinking "that poor girl". I pity her in some ways. I hope she knows what she's getting herself into, I only know too well what it's like.
January 17, 2001
The song goes "and he kissed me", but my elation is "and he hugged me".
January 18, 2001
Right before school starts ... it's kinda therapeutic to be able to just gossip and such. ;-) Till next time I suppose. ;-)
An Afterthought from the 18th
As the record goes: September 22 to October 6 then October 27 to January 18 ....
"God I feel like hell tonight Tears of rage I cannot fight I'd be the last to help you understand Are you strong enough to be my man? Nothing's true and nothing's right So let me be alone tonight Cause you can't change the way I am Are you strong enough to be my man?" - Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow
"Dear Isobel I hope you're well and what you've done is right Oh it's been such hell I wish you well and you're safe tonight" - Isobel by Dido
"Everything is gonna be Everything is all right" "The little things we hide The little things inside I don't want to show them that I'll be alright" - Little Things by Chantal Kreviazuk
"So I'll give up giving in/Quit playing this game I can't win/I wish I could stop/But I don't know where to begin" - Give Up Giving In by Amanda Marshall
"Lie here and rest your head and dream of something else instead" - Slide by Dido
"I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life" - Thank You by Dido
January 19, 2001
Not a good day .... yet not a bad day. It had it's highs and it's lows. Interesting train/bus ride to school, metro ride ... squishing into an itty bitty place, "can I have a hug?" - never should've done that, the usual classes, some fun and laughs with friends - on the table to dance and sing ... crack goes the head on the ceiling, off to McLean's ... my little place I'm starting to love and introduce to everyone, plenty of pool, some more embarrassing moments on a street corner and doorway, walking, shopping, talking, and food, then off to home ... to wallow I suppose. This might be some kind of therapy ... it's supposed to help ... but to come home and write this all out ... it is a kind of wallowing. I never thought I'd go that low as to wallow ....
January 21, 2001
I was told to go out and dance my ass off and make other guys jealous. Not sure if it happend exactly like that but I kinda did have fun dispite it all. It cost me $10 all night ... including coat check and three drinks. Got to meet a nursing student from JAC, all his friends, danced with his "rich friend", was known as the "Dawson girl", helped with a little bet ("they don't think I can get at least one phone number from you ladies .... think you can help me out?"). Also learned something - can deep throat - got almost down to the bottom of the neck of a beer bottle. It was kinda fun ... I'm getting used to the JAC students again ... hmmm. I wonder why I don't tell my mom some things ... could it be I don't want to hear what she has to say sometimes? "He goes out with a friend then that's it?", "What's wrong with you? This is the second time ...", "Were we too much? Maybe he felt too ...", "Maybe it's someone else ...", "You didn't argue with him? It wouldn't be begging ..." "Are you sad? It's okay to be sad ... I liked him, I'm sad". One more lyric to think of ... heard it last night on our way to Cheers ... "It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right/I hope you've had the time of your life" - Good Riddence (Time of Your Life) by Green Day. First time around was unpredictable, but I saw it coming, second time around it was kinda unpredictable but didn't see it at all. Maybe it is a right thing to do anyways .... Another song was played at the bar last night ... kinda an ironic twist to it I thought ... kinda made me laugh - "I'm sorry Ms Jackson [OOOH]/I am for real/Never meant to make your daughter cry/I apologize a trillion times...." - Ms Jackson by Outkast.
January 24. 2001
"Is it ... wrong to use women?" "Is it wrong to use men?" And what about having "fuck friends" is that a "wrong" thing too? Hmm maybe it's just a wrong way to extend a relationship that's just not supposed to be.
January 27, 2001
Well last night was different. But at least I can say I've been to Foufones Electriques. We made an interesting group - a goth, a "skoth" (interesting skater/goth combo), the preps, and such. I learned a few things such as purple is not a colour, but a food group, roughrider trains are not nice to new people, there are such things as shpigs, and how to play pool with red and yellow balls plus an 8-ball - nobody's heard of what game that is. I will have to go back to experience the concert scene and to try some blue lagoon shots and some more liquid cocaine. MMM. I also gotta buy my friend some beers since he was very generous and I gotta reciprocate the favour. Next time will be better - I"ll be prepared.
January 29, 2001
SuperBowl Sunday .... what a disappointment. Boring game and not even the excitment of having people over or going out. ;-( Something that made me laugh today ... "Pain exploded in his mouth as her teeth bit into his tongue. Michael reared back, swearing. 'Ouch! You bit me!' He shook his hands to free them from her tangling hair. 'You stuck your tongue in my mouth!' He examined said tongue with his fingers. It felt as swollen as the Goodyear Blimp. 'That'th called a Fwench kith, you twit!' 'I know what it is,' she said, sticking her nose in the air. 'I just wasn't expecting it.' 'A thimple "no, thank you," would have worked jutht fine.' 'No, thank you,' she retorted, her eyes flashing. 'Now she tellth me.' Her fists hit her hips again. 'Why did you do that?' Michael dropped his hands,rolling his tongue over the roof of his mouth. 'Because I like to French kiss.' She shook her head, her hair fanning over her breasts. 'No, I mean, why did you kiss me at all?' He plowed both hands through his hair. 'God knows. I must be nuts'" --excerpt from The Harder They Fall by Trish Jensen