January 1, 2000
Well let's start with a review of the week. I had a blast at James' on Thursday. A few people from the usual gang were missing and I think that's why it was such great fun. Let's see, watching T.V., eating, drinking a bit, having a poking fight, talking, listening to music,dancing, playing hide and seek,and having a great time. The tequila bothered me a bit, but his friends are pretty sensible. Although I've never seen such huge shot glasses in my life!! Aside from that I must say though that glow worrms are pretty comfy.
New Year's Eve was pretty good and Lisa and I will never forget about Lloyd. He was looking a little transparent but he made it throught the night. LOL Celebrating all across Canada was the best and I didn't even need all the alcohol. Burning candles down to the end was interesting and I always love the flicker of a flame. ;-) Watched a good movie (Fools in Love) and went to bed at 6:30. It was quiet but fun, just the way I like it.
Now I'm off to eat supper at Albert's for our annual New Year's day dinner. That should be great. Till next time.
January 6, 2000 (1:24 AM)
So many things to write about - all the things swimming around in my head. I guess I'll take it one topic at a time.
I'm "plain,pretictable" me, I guess and that won't change no matter how hard I try. Someone asked me if I wanted to gethogether with him sometime soon. Hey most people would throw caution in the wind and to it for the hell of it. Not me. I stall and i hesitate and I change subjects. A friend told me to go for it. Why not? I don't really know him, i have no idea what he's like really, but then good things can come of it. Laurie's got a relationship out of this. Why not me? I guess because I'm me. I've learned that things never go my way. I'm 17 years old, never been kissed, never held hands, never been on a date. Is it the fear of the unknow that halts me in my tracks? Am I really that cautious? It's easier talking to someone you can't see and pretend you're all that. I vowed that I would grab things if they came my way, didn't I? Actually I didn't. I vowed that anything I was leery on doing i should do - just to get over it. Am I really scared? No - I hate fear and it will not direct my life. I'm just cautious. I'm thinking by my level headed brain inside my head. So he seems nice and isn't bad looking. He's my age, in CEGEP, has his life sort of figured out. He's intelligent and i can laugh with him. He told me I was beautiful, so maybe he's got bad judgement. I'd never call myself beautiful, but then he was at a loss for a better word. So why not? As a movie once taught me "Once in awhile you must just say 'What the Fuck'". But then look what happened to him in the movie. i'm rambling here but I guess that's a good thing. It's easier than talking in my head to decide which half is better. My parents would kill me if they found out. But I know how i could cover than up. Ask a friend to go with me, meet him, and it's all set. Who would I ask though? Would I ask more than one? Where would we meet? All these questions and no answers in the horizon. Maybe it's a good thing someone can read this. Hmm. Do I dare? Will I shock my friends, upset my parents, and go on an adrenaline ride of the century? Can I handle it? Do I want to? If I want to I will, that's the thng. I'll find all the excuses in the books if i don't want to. Once I figure out if i want to I can decide on the scheme of how to get it running smoothly. Shall I be daring and free? I'll still be cautious and I can handle myself in an awkward situation. With my silver tongue and my quick reflex to hit I may make it out intime. If I'm with someone I'll be fine. Will I take the advice of that friend? But will he come with me too? He offered once and it didn't work because I chickened out. I'm tired of chickening out. It's about time I stop being a little princess and relying on family. I won't decide now but the option is in the air if he ever askes again. Anyone free to go on an adventure with me? I have until the 17th.
January 8, 2000
It's funny how just recently I was thinking about how everyone I know has or had at some point had a boyfriend/girlfriend. I know the typical cliche about the bases at a baseball game, but I thought of another. All my friends have made it to some bases (if not all at one point) yet I still have yet to enter the stadium. Well now I know a couple who have season tickets for the rest of their lives. We found out yesterday - congradulations Richard and Laurie, I wish you happiness. ;-)
January 12, 2000
Well I bit the bullet and decided to share my thoughts. I figure it's about time I guess to share. I've managed for 17 years without telling anybody anything. (Or hardly anyone not much.) Not that this is going to change much because knowing that it's linked I won't be adding many things, just what I want and then I'll wait for a reaction. I think I'm desperate for any reaction right now. But anyways.
Can't wait for Saterday to come. Hmm playing in the snow - how immature as one person put it. Maybe we all need some time to just be kids again. For those who don't feel the urge - you can monitor and make sure we don't get too "rowdy".
January 21, 2000
Well it was the first day of my second semester of school. I survived it okay, I guess. Spent over $250 in books, but that's besides the point. I still have more to buy.
Ever notice when you're at a red light all the other cars around you? The ones in the other lanes? You might be going straight, while the others are either turning left or turning right. They might have been keeping up to you right up until that light, but after that short while together to you really see them again? Each one has it's own place to go and its own different direction its headed. You never see the same car twice after meeting at that stop light. After graduation it's like that, each person leaving behind or being left behind at the stop light of life. I'm amazed at how we all seem to keep meeting up at that same stop light...
January 22, 2000
Went to the movies tonight and saw a pleasent surprise. But the if you least expect it, it will happen.
I finally got to play pool!!!! I've been wanting to for such a long time, and I finally got the chance. It doesn't matter that it is now official that I royally suck, we both had fun. ;-) Hope to do it again too, but time will tell. My dad won't take me till I'm legal, so I've got to take advantage of my "older" friends to get me in. (LOL)
Ahh well off to bed now with some sweet dreams dancing in my head - I hope. Till next time.
January 23, 2000
With all this talk of engagements and marriages it seems so weird. I've been told that I'm next, but hell, I'm only 17 and I don't even have a boyfriend. Marriage to me is so far in the distant future. I'd like to believe that I'm older and just as mature and responsible, but I'm not. T.J's said so and as much as I argue, I think he's right. I'm just a little girl holding onto Mommy and Daddy's hands through the path of life. It's time for me to grow up.
January 26, 2000
Some thoughts for the week so far:
Pleasant surprises are always nice. Male strip clubs can be traumatizing ... do I dare wait for my birthday? Talking to tall people can give you a stiff neck. Oh and of course - All teachers are idiots. (Not that I don't like them, but...)
January 30, 2000
"Who are you trying to impress?" she asked. The answer? Hmm... Everyone? Maybe "impress" isn't the right word, but being noticed is probably the goal here. Being noticed and drawing attention to the changes. No longer the same as before. Could that be it?
January 31, 2000
Just how much mischief can a dozen girls get into at Club 281 on Ste.Catherine street? Guess we'll find out in March. ;-)