1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 3. If You Drink, Don't Park, Accidents Cause People. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 6. Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 9. Thank You For Pot Smoking. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 11. If At First You Don't Succeed, Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 14. Horn Broken -- Watch For Finger. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 19. I Have The Body Of A God -- Buddha. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 21. So Many Pedestrians -- So Little Time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 23. If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 24. The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 26. Illiterate? Write For Help. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 27. Honk If Anything Falls Off. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 28. Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To Do. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 33. Where Are We Going, And Why Am I In This Handbasket? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over. [Seen Upside Down On A Jeep] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service -- Gals: No Shirt, No Charge ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 43. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 44. Ax Me About Ebonics. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 46. Boldly Going Nowhere. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 47. Cat: The Other White Meat. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 49. Don't Be Sexist -- Bitches Hate That. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 50. Heart Attacks -- God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 55. Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 57. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 59 Some people are alive only because it is illegal to shoot them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 60. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 63. So you're a feminist... Isn't that precious. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 64. I need someone really bad. Are you really bad? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 65. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.