Several grungy Lurkers are crowded around the 3 card monte table. Behind the table stand Rebo and Zooty. In front of the table are Leo Michalangelo and his sidekick, Scungeli Boy.

Rebo: Watch the red card, watch the red card... Gentlemen, place your bets.

Cries of "That one, no that one! Peas and carrots!" from the lurkers.

A Soul Hunter stands in the ISO tank. He is looking at Franklin and feeling the presence of death.

Soul Hunter: It is coming. Louder, faster...!

Rebo: Staked we have 2 steerage tickets on the USS Titanicator, the most expensive movie cabin cruiser ever built. How they got staked in a 3 card monte game we'll never know, but it's important to the plot.

Suddenly, two rappers appear dressed in gold chains and hoodies. It's RUN-DMC!

RUN-DMC: (sing) It's tricky to rap around and bap around and zap around it's tricky...

A large blond lurker stabs RUN-DMC. They keel over.

Soul Hunter: Fading, slowing, ...gone. I have failed again. The souls of RUN-DMC are lost forever. Already I have collected the souls of MC Hammer, Milli Vanili and Vanilla Ice. (Franklin looks incredulous.) Yes, Vanilla Ice had a soul.

Leo Michelangelo: I won, I won! Whoo whoo!

Scungeli Boy: Whoo Whoo!

Leo and Scungeli Boy scuttle out of Down Below and into the docks. Large numbers of well dressed beings from various TV shows and universes wait to pass thru the airlock. Leo and Scungeli run to the front of the line and shoulder a large Cardassian out of the way. He looks a lot like David Warner.

Cardassian: Excuse me, humans. Where do you think you're going?

Leo: Um, this is my movie and I can do whatever I want.

Cardassian: However unlikely, or historically inaccurate? I think not. (musingly) You rather remind me of an immature taspar that I once ate, in my youth.

Leo: You're not scarin' me. I'm an artist and I've got a cigarette habit to prove it.

An elegant, if somewhat antique figure in a cutaway coat and stovepipe hat appears behind Leo. He carries a doctor's bag and a stick with a large knob.

Sebastian: What is the meaning of this -- iregularity, Gul Madred? Ragamuffins, gatecrashers? Who are they? Do they know?

Madred: They don't seem to realize with whom they are dealing.

Leo: What's goin' on, some kind of torturer's convention?

EarthGov Interrogator: You could call it that. You really could. I wouldn't though. I can't be responsible for what my superiors might do.

Cardinal Fang: You have one last chance. Go to the end of the line and surrender your tickets to the ticket agent. Two, two last chances, go to the end of the line, surrender your tickets to the ticket agent, and report to steerage. Three, three last chances...

Sebastian: Escort these two ruffians to steerage, and mind that they stay there.

Zack: Aye, aye. C'mon you.

Zack muscles Leo and Scungeli Boy through the airlock and throws them into the hold.

The vast bulk of Titanicator pulls away from Babylon 5.

Capt. Sheridan is leading a group of 1st class passengers around the ship.

Sheridan: And that is why this ship remains completely unsinkable.

Princess Leia: And how many escape pods are there?

Sheridan: Oh, a couple of dozen. And a few runabouts, a working model of the Jupiter 2, a few armored fives... if we ever get into trouble there should be plenty of room for everybody.

Sebastian is having a quiet drink and reading Sugden's Complete History of Jack the Ripper. He chuckles to himself. Suddenly, energy crackles up and down the walls! There is a blinding flash and Agent Scully appears, wearing an elaborate Victorian gown.

Scully: Mulder?

Sebastian: No Mulders here.

Scully: What am I doing in this dress?

Sebastian: You must be my lovemuffin.

Scully: I haven't had a date in 5 years. I'm nobody's lovemuffin.

Sebastian: Will you at least consider it?

Scully: My contract says I can't kiss Mulder. Or Skinner. It didn't say anything about supporting cast.

Sebastian: Oh, I'm supporting. I'm very supporting.

Scully does "silent pout #3".

Sebastian: I'll give you this neat rock. He displays Heart of Space -- an elaborate black diamond necklace.

Scully: Does it have a curse on it?

Sebastian: No.

Scully: Did aliens bring it? Do shadowy government forces want it back?

Sebastian: Not to my knowledge.

Scully does "silent pout # 1" for a beat.

Scully: You're on.

Suddenly there is another blinding flash. Arnold # 880 appears and fires a shotgun point-blank into Sebastian's head.

Arnold: Come wif me if you font to liff.

Scully: Damn it! Oh all right.

Arnold and Scully leave. Sebastian's head flows back together and he shakes it a few times.

Sebastian: That was darn rude! (looks around) Dana?

Cut to:

Marcus sits in the command chair. He looks troubled.

Marcus: How unusual is this cometary activity?

Lennier: Very. All the cometary mass in the oort cloud of Regulus has accrued in a small section of space.

Marcus: Which lies right in the path of the Titanicator. Try to raise them again.

Lennier: Very well. Communications aboard Titanicator appear to be jammed. I keep recieving 3 messages: "Transfer interrupted", "Reset by peer", and "try connecting again".

Marcus: Well keep trying until you do get through.

Ivanova, Bester and some welders are grouped in front of the door to the radio room. Sheridan enters hurridely.

Sheridan: What's the problem, Susan?

Ivanova: Two of the passengers have holed up in the radio room. A young redheaded woman and a Narn in his early thirties.

Sheridan: What are they doing in there?

Ivanova: They're tying up communications. From what we can read, they're sending messages to "thestation.com", whatever that is.

Sheridan: (to Bester)What are they thinking?

Bester: It's hard to get a fix on anything definate, but they're both deeply disturbed people.

INT - TITANICATOR - GALLERY

Lenny and Squiggy are hanging out in the gallery with their backs to the port, making fun of the regular characters.

Lenny: So why do you think they changed Delenn's looks? She was so hot when she was bald.

Squiggy: I dunno. Maybe she got sick of sticking her hair under that thing. All season one I just wanted to grab that bone and (makes suggestive gesture)...

Lenny & Squiggy laugh. All during this exchange, a comet has been getting bigger and bigger in the viewport. Finally it smacks into the port, glass smashes and Lenny, Squiggy and their atmosphere are sucked into space.

Total chaos. Alarms go off, characters from different series arguing, fighting for the lifepods. A Borg grapples with Barney. Alia takes advantage of the confusion to slash at Baron Harkonnen with her gom jabbar. Barney slips and Alia stabs him.

Barney: Aieee!

Alia: Harkonnen animal! (Alia chases after the Baron.)

Women and children cluster in front of the lifepods. Zack is holding back the crowd.

Zack: Women and children first! Women and children first!

A tapping is heard from the shadows. A PPG is raised to fire. Across the room a Minbari female in a white robe looks up.

Worker Caste: Blind Man, no!

PPG fire fills the air. The children drop.

Blind Man: That takes care of the children. (chuckles)

Scully and Arnold push their way through the crowd.

Scully: So you're saying that my alien baby will be born in 1994...

Arnold: That's right. In order to prevent that hoppenink, killers were sent to the futcha to kill you.

Scully: The fuschia?

Arnold: The futcha. Your space baby is very important, he divides the Minbari into 3 castes...

Scully: I thought Valen was Sinclair.

Arnold: No, no, he goes back to try to kill your baby in the sequel.

Scully: Now I'm really confused.

The promenade deck rocks as a pod launches.

Zack: Hey, that wasn't full!

Drazi: Who was in it?

Zack: A woman with about 50 cases of chocolate! She had the gall to wish me long life and prosperity!

Drazi: What a loon.

Suddenly the room is filled with the sound of cats. A figure in a summer dress with a wide brimmed hat herds 100 cats before her. In one hand she carries a weed whacker, in the other a jar full of something that seems to be alive.
She moves towards the pods. Zack tries to intercept.

Zack: What are you doing?!

Gardener: I'm leaving, and I'm taking these cats where the Centauri and the Vorlons can't tease them. Don't try to stop me.

Zack: You can't do that.

Gardener: You were warned. (She tosses the contents of the jar at Zack)

Zack:(convulsing) Slugs, slugs, get 'em off, get 'em off!

She leads the cats aboard the pod and takes off.

R2D2 and C3PO waddle up to a pod.

C3PO: I think the Princess is for it this time.

R2: #¥$@!

C3PO: Of course we're bailing! No droid in it's right mind would stay on this hulk.

R2: &¡£¢<§ ! (cycles door open)

Several voices: We saw it first! We saw it first!

C3PO is knocked aside by a Minbari pike. A Narn boot kicks over R2D2. G'kar Jr, Anne, Worker Caste, Blind Man, Sebastian, Scully and Arnold jump into the pod and rocket away.

Zack: Now just a darn minute...

Sheridan and Ivanova come walking up. Ivanova casualy turns off the alarm.

Sheridan: You can relax now, the emergency's over.

Zack: Sir?

Sheridan: Yah. We had it under control in the first 5 minutes. I had Garabaldi weld a patch over the hole.

Zack: (still confused)So why all the hoorah with the escape pods?

Sheridan: Oh, that. There were some disruptive elements aboard and I wanted to get rid of 'em. Hey, here come some more!

Leo Michelangello and Scungelli Boy run up.

Leo: Did we miss the pods? Are we sinking?

Sheridan: (smarmily)Nope. We have one left, just for you.

Zack: Captain, I don't think...

Ivanova: (elbowing him) Shut up!

Sheridan leads Leo and Scungelli over to the airlock.

Sheridan: It's just through here...

Leo: I don't see...

Sheridan opens the airlock door and boots Leo and Scungelli Boy through.

Sheridan: Now, Susan! Cycle!

Ivanova slams the button down. Leo and Scungelli Boy are jetted into space.

Sheridan: Whew! Anyone for two bullets and a shot of whiskey?