One day the producers of the Disney Afternoon came to Cape Suzette and called a meeting in the conference room of Khan Tower. "I thought," began the Official TaleSpin Writer, "that it might be a cute gimmick if we set our next show at a summer camp."
"Oh no," the crew moaned. They had experienced troubles of the same variety with this guy before.
"You can be forgetting this baloney-type of nonsensicalness," snapped you-know-who. (If you don't, here's a hint: he's the only pirate in the show who messes up his words while talking in a ridiculous accent.)
"For once I will actually agree with Mr. Karnage," said Shere Khan. "I refuse to appear anywhere as uncivilized as a summer camp."
"You have to. It's in your contract," said the Disney Afternoon Lawyer in a sing-song voice. "And you, Mr. Khan, never go back on your deals." Shere Khan moaned.
Don Karnage interrupted. "But we pirates always go back on our deals. Arrividerci, ninnypoop."
"If you refuse," the lawyer threatened, "I'll cast you as the Assistant to the Shore Patrol General."
Donny gasped. How low-down could this guy get? To have all of Cape Suzette below him and then to have the big and mean General stopping him from looting it. Worse, he would have to fight off his own crew. And, most nightmarish of all, he, the great Plundering Wonder, would have to serve that fat blob of a General. Donny sank down in his chair.
"Just out of curiosity," said Shere Khan, "if I did go back on the deal, what would you cast me as?"
"I'd just switch you and Rebecca," said the Lawyer. "She'd run Khan Industries...well, it would be Cunningham Industries...and you'd handle Higher for Hire."
Shere Khan was speechless. Him...as a...a...a SMALL BUSINESSMAN?!? He fell out of his chair in a dead faint.
"I guess we're going to camp," said Baloo.
***
"There is Round Lake," pointed Kit.
"Okay, buckle up," ordered Baloo. He landed the Sea Duck and the Higher for Hire crew hopped out.
"These must be our cabins," said Rebecca. She looked inside. Socks hung from the rafters and sand was all over everything. "Ewwwww! Baloo, this place is even messier than your bedroom."
"It looks fine to me," answered Baloo.
Suddenly the door slammed open and Colonel Spigot paraded in, followed by Sergeant Dunder. "What are you doing here?" asked Wildcat.
"I have been dethignated ath your counthellor," he announced. "All of you will do whatever I thay."
"And if we don't, short pants?" snapped Louie.
"Then you will anthwer to Director Khan."
"Director Khan!" Kit repeated in shock.
Baloo moaned. "Yeah, leave it to Shere Khan to weasel out. He'll spend all week in that cushy director's cabin."
"I like it here," stated Molly.
"Get in your bunkth!" ordered Spigot. "There will be no talking after eight o' clock. That'th 'lightth out'."
"I'll punch his lights out," muttered Baloo.
Just then there was a knock on the door. Rebecca opened it, and there stood..."Don Karnage!"
"I hope they made him 'Official Washroom Cleaner' or something," whispered Kit.
"I, me, my magnificent self," he began, "have been appointed counsellor-type person of the cabin next door."
Baloo's mouth dropped. "Who are your campers?"
Donny smirked. "Go take a look-see." He moved out of the way. Behind him were Mad Dog, Gibber, Dumptruck, Hal, Hacksaw, Ratchet and Will.
"A whole cabin full of air pirates?" gasped Rebecca.
Louie laughed. "Khan's even crazier than I thought."
The dinner bell rang and they all ran down to the dining hall. "Ewwwww!" said Rebecca again after her first bite of stroganoff.
"Look on the bright side," said Dunder. "You could be eating Thembrian gruel. It's world-famous for grossness."
"That's true."
"Gruel ith for breakfatht," Spigot told them.
"Thanks a lot," muttered Kit.
"This is worse than my All-You-Can-Stand-For-A-Dollar special," groaned Louie.v Baloo shrugged. "Hey, food's food." He helped himself to a fifth plateful.
"Maybe," answered Kit, "but I prefer my food to be identifyable as food. See this meat? It looks like what happens when a crow flies into the Sea Duck's propellers."
Rebecca turned green. "Mommy," Molly said, "I brought you some ice cream." She reached into her pocket and came out with dripping fingers. "Yuck, it melted." Rebecca turned a deeper shade of green.
"Lemme in that kitchen," said Louie, and he began whipping up decent food to the delight of all. Louie stopped short and complained, "Hey, where's the bar?"
After lunch it was time for the Water Regatta. In one event, the campers took turns 'surfing' on a windsurf board towed behind the motorboat. "This is no way to surf," muttered Kit. He whipped out his airfoil and grabbed a rope. As the boat turned to head in, Kit kicked his board over a wave and was airborne. He released the rope and executed a series of complicated cloudsurfing stunts that won his team the regatta.
That night was the Dress-up Dinner. Molly tied a towel around her neck and put a strainer on her head. Armed with a spatula, she went to dinner as Danger Woman. She won the prize and got a large cone of Frosty Pep ice cream free from the tuck shop.
A trip waas planned for the evening, but unfortunately the bus broke down. "I'll fix this," announced Wildcat. "Anyone got some gum?" With a bobby pin, a toothpick, and a large wad of Bubbleblub gum to hold it all together, Wildcat fixed the bus up.
After lights out, Spiggy and Dundy had to report to the High Marshall, so the crew was able to sneak out. All of a sudden they heard a screeching of brakes, so they ran out to the road. The pirates were lying in the middle of the road with large flashlights, playing chicken with passing cars under the direction of their counsellor, Donny.
"Here comes a motorcycle!" yelled Dumptruck.
But this was no ordinary motorcycle. This was the Ratcatcher, property of a certain masked superhero who was at that moment swerving to avoid the lights. Unfortunately, he did not see a large tree. As the bike rolled, he was heard to yell, "I anm the terror that SPLATS in the night!"
"Oh, no, it's Darkwing Duck!" yelped Mad Dog. "Let's get out of here...fast!" The pirates ran to bed.
All but Don Karnage. "Just who do you think you are?"
"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the cannon that blows up your plane! I am DARKWING DUCK!"
"Well, Mr. I-Am-The-Somethingy-or-Other, I, MYSELF, am the Scurvy of the Seven Skies, the Plundering Wonder, The Prince of Pirates, the One and Only Don Karnage!"
Darkwing was impressed. Finally, here was someone with an ego as large as his! "Well, I, ME, DARKWING DUCK, am the great, courageous, awe-inspiring, incredibly handsome...
"They'll be at this all night!" gasped Rebecca.
"I don't believe it," Kit whispered. "I thought only Donny could possibly have an ego that big!"
"Well, Darkwing is good competition for him," answered Baloo. "Let's go to bed."
All night long, Darkwing Duck and Don Karnage could be heard arguing over who was the greatest.
Baloo reluctantly woke up at the ringing of the bell. "I'm gonna blow up that pesty bell," he moaned. "But first I'll go to the tuck shop for a before-breakfast snack."
As Baloo walked to the tuck shop, he heard crashes from inside. Suddenly a voice filtered out the open window. "Raiding the tuck shop is one of my most brilliant ideas, yes-no?" Baloo knew that voice could only belong to one person. He ran to Khan's lodge and hammered on the door. No one answered, so he walked in.
"I'm missing all the stock market quotes," grumbled Shere Khan. Then he noticed Baloo. "Yesssss?"
"Uh, Karnie's looting the tuck shop."
Khan yelled for his elite pilot air farce and they caught Donny and brought him to Khan. Donny yelled at his pirates for sleeping instead of keeping watch. Mad Dog said, "It wasn't our fault. You were the one who kept us up all night listening to you and Dimwing Dork fight."
"There is a severe punishment for this," said Khan. "It is..." Don Karnage saw a familiar gleam in his eyes. It was the same gleam he had seen in Baloo's eyes when he had shoved Karnage's wonderful self out of the Sea Duck, and when Kit tickled him off the airfoil, and whenever that Russel guy thought up another wet and wild disaster. That was when he realized what the punishment would be.
Shere Khan continued. "...to be thrown in the middle of Round Lake."
So they all climbed into the motorboat and drove to the middle of the lake. With great ceremony Shere Khan shoved Donny overboard. He landed with a big splash.
"Ewwwww," said Rebecca for the millionth time. "He got seaweed in my hair."
A week later filming had finished, and the crew was back in Cape Suzette, gathered in the conference room again. They had just finished watching the completed episode when a soggy Donny squished in, pulling a leech off his nose.
The Disney Writer walked over him. "Say, the crew and I were just discussing setting our next episode at Wet and Wild Water Theme Park. What do you say?"
Donny didn't answer. He had fainted dead away.
