Howard The Person, And His Fun Little Jobbie-Job-Job
Down at the office building, Howard The Person was doing office work in
his office. He was typing, at the time, but had spent a good deal of
the morning drinking coffee, and pushing papers around on his desk-like
space. The drug pushers were out on the street, and the paper pushers
were inside The Building.
It was the way of the big business of selling things! And Howard The
Ever-So-Efficient Person was right there, with the vitamin-D-robbing
fluorescent lights hovering close above his dreary head, beating their
way into his mind.
And then, just like that, the typing was all done! It was time to make
a quest out of going to the photocopier, to make photocopies of things.
The machine was plugged, though. Ironically enough, it was due to the
fact that it was unplugged in the back, and the well known vigilante,
Hat Guy, had done something to it. He had tried to force feed the poor
little thing, bearing the full knowledge that it was actually bulimic,
and would not take that kind of heavy document processing!
Hat Guy was on the move, and his careful footsteps could be heard in
the happy places that he went to. One of those places just happened to
be the hallway where Howard The Person lived, at the time, and they had
no choice but to find the secret stairwell that lead to the all-elusive
exit of The Building. Unfortunately, Hat Guy did not possess enough
brain washing to know what was good for him, so he called out his plans
in a very loud voice.
The 10 year old security guy! He was on the scene, distributing harsh,
L.A.-style justice to the masses! Just like that other time when this
happened, Hat Guy and Howard The Person were thrown into debtors’
prison, in the basement of The Building, where they would have to work
for seven or more days per week, for at least the rest of the day.
Using his harsh mathematical skill, Howard realized that this did not
make much sense. How could they work for more than seven days each
week, when there were only seven days in a week? And how, reasonably,
would anyone be able to accomplish this in one day, when a day is
shorter than a week? Hat Guy, being the modern philosopher that he was,
pointed out that such terms were merely used for effect, implying that
he and Howard The Person had no real alternative to working doing
nothing.
So! That, is what they DID! And it was a lot of fun, until there was
this guy, and he was all like, “Blah Blah, blankity-blah,” and then they
were all like “Yeah, so, what’s your point,” and he was all “I do lots
of important things, because I get paid a lot,” and Hat Guy was all,
like, breaking a chair over the guy’s head, and taking the keys to the
door and escaping with his good buddy, and friend, Howard The Person.
And at this point, the guy was standing in the doorway, and he was
saying some things, and Howard wasn’t listening to him, because there
was a guard dog trying to eat him, but then he ate the guard dog,
because he was busy trying to get out of the jail cell that he was in,
and when Hat Guy unlocked the door, that’s what he did. Hat Guy was
playing his guitar.
The barn door flew open, and the magical parade flowed out of it! It
was going far, far-far away, and nobody cared, because they were still
trying to get out of the dream world of corporate America. The
Building.
As Hat Guy sang a little song of hip-hip-happiness, Howard got
fired..... and had to go home without the money that he had traded his
time for. He wore his Uncle Cuthbert mask as he left the Place Of
Employment.
